Hi guys

I was wondering how you all dealt with the wait before starting T.  OK so you have made the decision that you want to live as male.  Today I went to my GP and started the whole process off.  I was so happy to be on the way but then I was struck by how long it could all end up taking.  I know we all have to deal with this, don't moan etc. but I hate the thought of how long I have to live with not being able to pass.  I think if I were in a relationship or knew people would see me as male despite the voice and all the rest of it, it would be okay.  But now it all seems so far off.  I think I built myself up to making the decision, made it, came out and now...yeah.  Anticlimatic much!

For UK transmen - how long did you wait before starting T?  And for others - what advice do you have for living with gender dysphoria during the long wait for treatment? 

I went to see my G.P in September and so far thats it. Still waiting for my appointment to come thro from the psychiatrist. But I've changed my name by deed poll, got a letter from the doctor so i can change my passport, written to revenue and customs to change it there.So basically found a few things to do to keep my mind busy. Unfortunately now theres nothing left for me to do and all i can do is wait for that appointment. And annoy the hell out of my wife by keep asking her if she's ok with this and is she sure she can see me as a man

I've been waiting, but only since December 17th or so. I've been promised referrals by end of february at latest though my GP is doing her best to find a good place for me to go and is hoping to have me in therapy (and therefore on the way to starting legal transitions and getting T) within the month.

The only hang-up is that she's trying to find someone in the area so i don't have to drive a good hour to get to my sessions... If i don't have to drive i'm willing to wait that extra couple of weeks while she researches lol.

I deal with the wait by thinking "hey, it is GOING to happen.... just have to hold out and be patient" and doing little things. Like getting ready to go back to college in two weeks. Exercising and working on loosing weight in prep so i don't end up with a pot belly lmao. I write a lot. Train my dog (working to getting her certified for therapy work). My friends have been hanging out with me a lot (they help keep my mind off of it.)

Just keep your eye on the prize, so to speak. The hardest part is telling people and risking losing their friendship/love/etc, yes? Waiting to start T is nothing in hindsight to that!

Quote from: FolkFanatic on January 14, 2010, 04:20:40 PM
The hardest part is telling people and risking losing their friendship/love/etc, yes? Waiting to start T is nothing in hindsight to that!

That's a really good point.  I think that was part of it actually, I felt so relieved that the family was ok and friends, current PhD supervisor, everyone etc. that I forgot that it was all going to take some time.  Yeah, I suppose from that point of view the wait isn't so bad.

And like you I have fitness training and writing too  (by the way how can a dog do therapy work?   ) and a PhD. 

I told my gp in 2008 In 2009 i had to see a doc im my local area, Then i had to wait till jan to go to London, But i had to cancel that(wich brock my heart) cuz of the weather, Now i have to wait till july, The one thing that go me so upset. was i new i had to wait even longer for another appiontment, it is very hard waiting for things to happen. I keep telling myself It wont be forever.My Gp told me i should keep myself busy. I have a job. and i am looking into going to college somthime this year or next to do photogrthey, Im also making plains to do a lot more activertys this year,I havent reallt talk to anyone close to the point were i am now most of the time they r On T. or starting there appiontments, Maybe it will be call if u add me on facebook, or myspace. Keep each other posted, or even someone to talk to. i think just the way u do and its hard trying to cope with waiting for one thing and the other,

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?v=feed&story_fbid=252828514797&id=537805251

Quote from: Alessandro on January 14, 2010, 04:41:16 PM
That's a really good point.  I think that was part of it actually, I felt so relieved that the family was ok and friends, current PhD supervisor, everyone etc. that I forgot that it was all going to take some time.  Yeah, I suppose from that point of view the wait isn't so bad.

And like you I have fitness training and writing too  (by the way how can a dog do therapy work?   ) and a PhD.

I'm not "out" to my parents yet - waiting for therapy first. Don't think they'll take it well... So my waiting is two-fold and i get stressed if i think too much about it (also have to hide my "YAY" moments lmao). But i am out to close friends and have their support. Was also pleasantly surprised by my own GPs attitude and knowledge of the topic.

As for my dog - by "therapy work" i mean she'll be a certified dog that can visit people in hospitals, nursing homes, etc. They go in, visit with people, give them something else to think about, etc.

But do you find that no matter what your doing or wherever you are its like a drum in the back of your head beating away. Don't think theres actually a minute that i'm awake when i'm not sub consciously or consciously thinking about transition and all its different elements

I was stupid and didn't wait...I did some research and self medicated for a few weeks before getting my letter >.<

I don't recommend it, as it really pisses off the docs (not to mention the danger to your system).

How do I deal with the wait? One day at a time. I've got a paper tacked on my wall where I check off how many more therapy sessions I've got before I get my T letter (7!).

Otherwise, just... find other things to do. Get a hobby, find non-transition related stuff to occupy your time with. Job, education, crafts, whatever. I mostly avoid social activities, because they get me thinking about myself, my body, transitioning, etc; but something like... video games, or home remodeling - that's gonna waste some time and give you something productive to do.

Quote from: Cody Oriole on January 14, 2010, 07:47:13 PMvideo games

Very productive lol.

I'd been waiting for a long time, but mostly because of an inventive mind/overactive imagination. I'd been thinking from 5th grade on that surgery was possible =]

I bide my time by focusing on improving my life elsewhere; if I see my peachfuzz and how it isn't growing in, I try to join a sport, look for a job, start a research project, talk to a new friend, find a new way to make eggs, teach my rats new tricks, etc. Haha the same way someone handles ANY type of major depression/'attack' of critically low self-esteem.

Mostly, I just get through it (day-by-day, minute-by-minute, AA kind of thing), and remember that there's a lot in life to live for that doesn't require a gender...

Quote from: FolkFanatic on January 14, 2010, 05:34:59 PM
I'm not "out" to my parents yet - waiting for therapy first. Don't think they'll take it well... So my waiting is two-fold and i get stressed if i think too much about it (also have to hide my "YAY" moments lmao). But i am out to close friends and have their support. Was also pleasantly surprised by my own GPs attitude and knowledge of the topic.

As for my dog - by "therapy work" i mean she'll be a certified dog that can visit people in hospitals, nursing homes, etc. They go in, visit with people, give them something else to think about, etc.

I think coming out to my parents was the main thing for me, I guess it is the same for you and your friends.  Having my parents' support really helps me.  Yeah my GP was great too, he's a really nice guy. 

Wow, you will have an amazing dog then!  That's a wonderful idea. 

Quote from: alex k on January 14, 2010, 05:38:04 PM
But do you find that no matter what your doing or wherever you are its like a drum in the back of your head beating away. Don't think theres actually a minute that i'm awake when i'm not sub consciously or consciously thinking about transition and all its different elements

Oh no I'm going to turn into the Master! lol anyway geekery aside, I have the same issue.  I think that we both need to learn to think about it less. 

Quote from: Cody Oriole on January 14, 2010, 07:47:13 PM

Otherwise, just... find other things to do. Get a hobby, find non-transition related stuff to occupy your time with. Job, education, crafts, whatever. I mostly avoid social activities, because they get me thinking about myself, my body, transitioning, etc; but something like... video games, or home remodeling - that's gonna waste some time and give you something productive to do.

Good advice,  I am going to throw myself back in to the other things I do.  I am developing a new setting for a sci-fi series and I think this is a more comforting way for my writing to go than the erotica angle, which usualy just made me think about it more. Yeah, I try to avoid social stuff too but people keep telling me not to, I will try and stick it out as much as I can.   

Quote from: Call Me Joe on January 14, 2010, 09:21:45 PM

Mostly, I just get through it (day-by-day, minute-by-minute, AA kind of thing), and remember that there's a lot in life to live for that doesn't require a gender...

That's a great thing to say and really important.  I need to think of it like that as well.  Many things I love like driving, going to the football, writing and being a sci-fi geek have nothing to do with gender anyway.  That's a great thing to hang onto.  Thanks. 

I spoke to my GP in February 2008, got my first appointment at the gender clinic in October 2008 and got T in August 2009.... that's the simplified version though!

With regards to waiting, just keep telling yourself it will happen and question yourself about everything to be 110% certain and prepared for the therapy you will go through. I've had to fight my corner more than once with the NHS.

Wow... after reading about some of your wait times over there I feel bad for complaining!

I went to a GP, and got a referal on the spot. Then I phoned the shrink, and got the next available appointment. I have a 6 week wait (well, 5 now) and that's bad enough! I can't imagine several months!

I've had several months of wait while I saved the cash to get into proper therapy. I passed the time by working on other aspects of transition. Legally changing name and documents, working on presentation and mannerisms, learning approprite social skills, and just generally "being".

The best thing I did that kept me sane(-ish) was going to study. I had somewhere to go every day, where everyone only knew me as just another guy. Proper name, proper pronouns, and non-transition tasks to concentrate on. I could just be myself, forget about all the trans stuff for a while and get on with life.

During the wait time, I think it's important to get back into those things you enjoyed before starting transition. Transition can be all consuming - don't let yourself come out at the other end an empty shell. Remember that it's only one temporary aspect of you - don't ignore your development in other areas.