In november I admitted to myself I am a man. I told my gf that I would like to take the steps to start transitioning. Starting with therapy. I've had that inital appointmen, and my therapist and I are on the same page. But my girlfriend and I are not. In fact since november our relationship has just been a steady plateau of arguments that are started by the actual topic of transitioning or I say something and it triggers something for her that reminds her about my transitioing. I haven't switched over pronouns yet with her cause I don't want her to...idk, but I want the "she's" to stop. I think I'm going at a slow enough pace so she does go into some kind of a shock or something.

Anyways, here's the part where I need opinions. Should I break up with her? I love her and honestly, this is the last thing on earth I want to do, but stifling who I am to her is making me miserable. A little background, we've been together for almost two years and she's a lesbian. All reality checks are welcomed.

-Davis

to find your life you have to lose it... except a seed die it cannot bring forth new life... lives and lifestyles are crushed in the process and people are hurt, familes are devestated and children, if they are involved become shipwrecked.. manage your
your transition to stay sane and keep you love and life or pay the price... easy peesee macho squeesee..

Personally I would try and sit down with her and reassure her you love her and you don't want to argue, and discuss what trainsitioning means to you and how it will effect your relationship. It needs to be address no matter what way you look at it. Personally if you couldn't sit down with her write her a letter. Giving her an altermatum. If nothing changes get rid!

Jay

What everyone else said...
Take the time to sit her down and talk to her, tell her how you're feeling.
If she can't accept you for who you are, then there's no point in being in a relationship with her. You're still going to be you, and if she loves you she'll see that.

To be honest, that is how it was between my girlfriend and I when I started transition. Eventually she caught up and everything was fine (I thought), used the correct name and pronouns and seemed to be my biggest advocate. But then a year later, 3 days after my first T shot left me and said that she hadn't found me attractive since I had started transitioning... So if your girlfriend is willing to talk about it and you trust that she will be honest with you instead of lying to not hurt your feelings then good, it could work out, but it will be difficult with her identifying as a lesbian to "lose the gay community" and be seen as a straight girl when she is with you.

I think I'm going to write her a long letter and see what she says. Thanks for the help guys.

In my experience, if you have to write your lover a letter because you can't talk face to face it's pretty much over already.

Quote from: tekla on January 19, 2010, 11:21:34 AM
In my experience, if you have to write your lover a letter because you can't talk face to face it's pretty much over already.

agreed

Hi, I was in a lesbian relationship too, and we are sill going strong. We have been completely honest with each other all the way through and she still identifies as a lesbian and that's fine with me. Remember that its the both of you who are transitioning really, and she needs to find her place in the relationship, so a little leeway and compassion is good. Maybe initiate a discussion where you sit down and talk about your biggest fears, that certainly helped us. Good luck!   

Quote from: DavisJermaine86 on January 19, 2010, 03:25:15 AMI love her and honestly, this is the last thing on earth I want to do, but stifling who I am to her is making me miserable.

I lived like this for 15 years. I can't tell you what to do, but if I had a second chance I wouldn't have gotten into a relationship with and marry my spouse.

So we broke up.....we're still talking about it, but as of right now, our relationship is done. Thanks for the advice everybody.

Quote from: DavisJermaine86 on January 19, 2010, 09:49:08 PM
So we broke up.....we're still talking about it, but as of right now, our relationship is done. Thanks for the advice everybody.

Hopefully things will work out and you guys can either be friends or at least share a level of mutual respect and caring. I think you did the right thing, as far as talking it out and finding your answer that way. I was with someone before who came out as trans while we were dating. While he went from being my "wife" to my "husband" I went from being his "lover" to his "friend" and it had nothing to do with who he was. It had to do with who I was, I may be trans myself but that doesn't change my sexual orientation. At the time I identified as a straight man and for personal reasons I couldn't uphold a relationship with another man. I was still at that point where I really needed a woman to reassure me of my masculinity or something, which I have since gotten over.

At the time though breaking up was the best thing for us and I wish we had even once sat down and tried to talk it out, instead we let everything crumble around us and didn't act until the last minute. We remained friends for years but he never did forgive me for "ruining our relationship" as he was still in love with me. Now I am not a part of his life, and honestly, I am happy for that. It became something that was unhealthy for both of us, and on his end was often twisted to give me the maximum amount of grief and guilt possible. It may have actually been okay had we dealt with the issues rather than ignoring them. I hope that having talked to her you guys end up in a better place than me and my ex