very frustrating...

i'm intersexed, my physical appearance is female, but does that add up to me wanting to date a guy?

and if i don't want to date a guy, does that mean i'm a lesbian who date dykes?

that's the sort of question thrown at me during dinner with a friend this evening. don't get me wrong i have no problem with him asking these questions, or his presumptions given my physical appearance, but when i answered no to both questions it stumbled upon me that IT IS ODD that i'm not attracted (sexually) to either gender.

on my way back home i made up this theory -- i'm brought up as a guy + i should at least medically be considered female => the effects somehow cancelled each other such that i subconsciously consider being sexually attracted to either sex as gay.

does anyone here have the same problem? and what is it that makes me feel so uncomfortable when a guy helps me out in a typical male-female way (like when this guy at the mart coming up uninvited to reach out the top shelf for me) when other female friends of mine are so cool about???

Actually I kind of went the other way. I'm Bisexual and quite comfortable relating to either sex.

For me, I was raise male, lived the last 54 years as heterosexual.   Married three times, had four children.

So who I am I now, sexually?  Still heterosexual.  Very much into guys. Does that mean I might not be open to another relationship with a woman.  Who knows?

You never know what you might find if your heart is open to love.



Janet

janet, suppose that i'm incapable of love...the romantic sort...does that make me very very wierd?

it's getting kind of stressful for me to find a good excuse to turn down guys asking me out. i don't want to lie but it baffles the guy(and myself even) when i told them i'm not gay, i don't have a bf, and i'm cool with him as a friend/buddy...but i just don't want to even try dating him.

and i'm turning 30 fast.

can't imagine myself dating, getting married, etc. won't that mean i'm going to stay single and lonely alll my life...

I'm sort of the same way. I consider myself bi-sexual but I have trouble connecting with either sex emotionally. I do think if I meet the right trans gender woman that may be the ticket. I'm not talking just for a sexual relationship because I have no problem with either sex on that but wish I could connect on a higher level. Maybe if I transition more it will change.
I just haven't been with a transsexual woman, though the curiosity is there to see if there is a higher level. I don't care so much with the sexual part but the emotional part so I can have a life partner.
Mindy

No Milktea, it does not make you weird, just not ready.  As to your friend, go with him and just enjoy the time together.

There is no rush to begin dating,  you are still figuring out you.  And there is not wrong with single.  Lonely isn't good, but you can always get into social situations like volunteering which helps overcome the lonelyness.

i certainly hope it's just "i'm not ready" sort of thing, though that's kind of long considering i've been living as a girl for close to 10yrs now...

as mindy points out, maybe i should try hanging out with a f2m?

Quote from: Mindy Rae on January 12, 2010, 10:10:26 AM
I'm sort of the same way. I consider myself bi-sexual but I have trouble connecting with either sex emotionally. I do think if I meet the right trans gender woman that may be the ticket. I'm not talking just for a sexual relationship because I have no problem with either sex on that but wish I could connect on a higher level. Maybe if I transition more it will change.
I just haven't been with a transsexual woman, though the curiosity is there to see if there is a higher level. I don't care so much with the sexual part but the emotional part so I can have a life partner.
Mindy

It certainly worked for me! She and I celebrated our 22 anniversary a few days ago.

well i'm bi of course but (sigh) i'm still looking for a boyfriend but no luck so far i live in virgina by the way but (smiles) i'll keep looking i'll find someone who'll love me

Quote from: milktea on December 30, 2009, 10:37:07 AM
very frustrating...

i'm intersexed, my physical appearance is female, but does that add up to me wanting to date a guy?

and if i don't want to date a guy, does that mean i'm a lesbian who date dykes?

May I suggest, with respect, that who you or anyone dates, marries, or is firends with is a matter of personal choice?

I know I'm being slightly hypocritical since I've described my self as gay, though I've been happly married to a woman for almost 30 years and never had any other partners during that time.

It's just occured to me that the question was impertanent, rude and inappropriate.

Then it occured to me that the same question is equally out of place for anyone.

Why should any of us need to justify, defend, rationalise or even explain who we want to spend our time with?

Sounds like you might just have a really, really low sex drive. On a side note, why did your parents bring you up as a male? You look like a female to me, and you said yourself you look female.

there are other options other then heterosexual & homosexual it sounds to me like you may be asexual

It might help to take a few steps back after from labels and just see where your attraction takes you, free from the constraints that labels entail.

I also liked what Julia Serano had to say about sexual attraction, namely that we should rather, if we have to label our sexual orientations, do it in such a way that the target of our attraction has the emphasis thus ignoring our sex. Thus someone who likes men is androphilic and someone who likes women is gynephilic (someone who likes both is still bisexual, and someone who likes neither is asexual). This has obvious benefits for people who are transitioning or who are androgynous.

But at the end of the day you shouldn't let someone's gender presentation or private parts determine whom you date. Rather it should be the person themself.