so before the whole transgender thing i was a pretty good lookin girl. i had so much confidence and attracted alot of attention from girls and unfortunately guys too. now that i am in this whole pre T thing i feel so ugly. i feel like girls dont look at me cuz im hot but because they think im some freak and are tryin to figure out what i am. it is so frustrating to go from super confident to thinking youre some kinda ugly freak. when i met my girlfriend i was a cute girl and she said she was attracted to me alot cuz i was very confident, she has been saying that she has noticed me being so less confident. i hate it cuz that was one of my strong points. i feel that once im on T though my self esteem will go way up because then i will look like an actual guy, not some "it". but until then i just hav to go around feelin like crap. does anyone else feel this way? and if you did feel this way and then got on T did you feel better?

Oh definitely. I still haven't regained all of it, but I'll be starting T at the end of the month and that'll probably help a great deal.

The stronger the feelings got, the less confident I got.

You look pretty good to me.

Can I suggest you think about your other qualities.

If all we are is looks then we are all destined for depression. We will be comparing ourselves with each other and inevitable fail. Not to mention becoming vain and bitter.

What your girl friend says sounds like its part of a bigger problem really. For example, have you adopted an attitude recently, perhaps a mannerism for any reason?

Finding who you are is more than one or two issues. OK, so I'm a guy, that means I godda be cool and tough yeah. Like cuz I's the man.

Not cool.

I understand where you are coming from but this is a bit of a gay trans perspective.  When I used to dress as a girl I did it for male attention but then when I got that attention I didn't know what to feel about it.  It was very stressful.  Now I look like a butch lesbian I don't get much male attention which is a downer.  However I am actually more confident now because I am putting myself across exactly how I want to.  I know at the moment without the T that what other people see isn't necessarily what I want them to but I still feel more real than I ever did being an attractive girl.  I just can't wait to lose the lesbian look and just be an attractive guy 

Quote from: Alessandro on January 20, 2010, 01:00:00 PM
I just can't wait to lose the lesbian look and just be an attractive guy 

exactly

As cute as people tell me (now) how I was as a woman....I was miserable, and even when doing really well in all other aspects of life, I sucked at dating and felt so worthless.  (I have pics!!  LOL).

Now I think I'm an average short dude.  I still suck at dating, but at least I am ME and comfortable with myself.  And that's what matters.

The in-between stages sucks.  Hang in there.


Jay

I know what you mean, except that I was never confident. It really sucks to be in the middle. Believe me you will get your confidence back.

Quote from: sneakersjay on January 20, 2010, 05:11:56 PM

Now I think I'm an average short dude.  I still suck at dating, but at least I am ME and comfortable with myself.  And that's what matters.

Jay

Austin.

That's the long and the short of it.

Just be yourself. Guys have different problems from women. It takes time to sort out your place in the world. But as Jay says, hang in there.

Huh, I was already pretty low in the self-esteem department. Not confident, I probably did attract male attention but as it is me, I was pretty oblivious to it. I feel a lot better as a guy though, a lot more comfortable with myself. Yeah, not getting any female attention but I never got any in the first place. Too conservative, too boring, they just looked right past me.

On the upside, I don't have those ridiculous over-dramatic people for friends. I'd much prefer to just be a normal guy though. That's what I aim for, although I'll always be kind of short and feminine, rather than being slightly tall and (probably) attractive.

My mom tells me all the time that I'm pretty, I'm ruining it, I'm not girly enough and all that. And it really bothers me, I don't know if she knows. Don't know, just try to ignore it. What can you do? I'm a dependent, underage, pre-T guy and I'm still in the closet. Everyone knows me as female. I guess it's kind of a depressing existence. Just waiting for it, focus on other things. My grades should be higher, let's fix that. Draw pictures.

After all that, yeah, I kind of get what you mean. I go from being a possibly attractive female to being an unattractive male. I go from being a man among women to a woman among men. Meh, we do what we can.

Quote from: SilverFang on January 21, 2010, 01:25:04 AM
I go from being a possibly attractive female to being an unattractive male.

Fang, you are an attractive guy. I can tell just by looking at your avatar.  So don't worry, be happy, smile cos "you got the looks." 

Quote from: GDTripp on January 22, 2010, 04:52:42 PM
Fang, you are an attractive guy. I can tell just by looking at your avatar.  So don't worry, be happy, smile cos "you got the looks." 

Well thanks 

I was, as they say "f*** ugly" as a pretend female. I won't go into details, but it wasn't just my opinion.

Let's just say people didn't think it was a great loss to female kind to see me (in their eyes) "change sides"

I make a much better looking man 

I had no confidence in my ability to look like an attractive female - but I've always had confidence in my ability to be a short, but otherwise reasonable looking man. That's always where I felt I belonged.

Confidence is funny like that. I had none, and lots.

I'm in that awkward pre-T stage, but the further I go the more confidence I get. I go on T, and they're gonna need an 18 wheeler to drive behind me for ego haulage! .

There isn't a day that goes by in which I don't think about the (T related) future. I get dysphoric and angry about the present, but there's no way in hell I'd ever consider going back. The present is better than the past, and the future will be better than both put together.

I know I'm overconfident, and a little bit cocky... but at least I'm honest and up front about it 

It's a placebo effect. I highly doubt actual T will give you confidence, it's simply the fact that you are convincing yourself that you pass, or will start passing soon, thus triggering the confidence. You can do this without T, it's just harder.

Quote from: Sameth on January 23, 2010, 03:19:52 PM
It's a placebo effect. I highly doubt actual T will give you confidence, it's simply the fact that you are convincing yourself that you pass, or will start passing soon, thus triggering the confidence. You can do this without T, it's just harder.

I think there's some truth to this, but not 100% and not everyone is the same so there's obviously going to be some variation, however... some people need the right 'juice' for their brains.

The closer I got to my appointment with the endocrinologist the more my confidence came back, and when he prescribed the testosterone I was on cloud 9. That would be what I'd consider a 'placebo effect' because it wasn't long until that confidence started to go away and I got broody again because I wasn't on T right away after the appointment due to someone going away on holidays and not allowing me to take it.

It's true, if we're passing we tend to have more confidence, but not everyone's idea of passing is necessarily the same. My ex saw me completely as a man, I passed to her and I was passing a lot in public, but that did nothing to gain my confidence. I'm not happy with myself just because I pass, and if I'm not happy with myself then it's hard to keep up confidence. I could try, sure, but I'd have breakdowns and be out of commission for months. The thing is, my transition is less about 'passing' for other people and more about passing to myself. This is a different dynamic, one that requires things that testosterone could only give me.

So it depends. T can give you confidence because it might give you what you need, but not everyone needs T and not everyone has the same needs either.

Quote from: Sameth on January 23, 2010, 03:19:52 PM
It's a placebo effect. I highly doubt actual T will give you confidence, it's simply the fact that you are convincing yourself that you pass, or will start passing soon, thus triggering the confidence. You can do this without T, it's just harder.

I don't agree with this.

While T itself likely hasn't given me confidence, finally just being myself, looking like I should have, and having the world recognize me as ME is what has given me confidence.  Less about passing (hey cool they think I 'm a guy!), it's more about yes, I'm finally ME.

T isn't going to fix all of your problems, not at all.  But it will help with the issue of being perceived as your true gender, which is more than just 'passing.'

Jay

I think that possibly maybe perhaps my confidence would be ok at this pre t stage.... if these things hanging on the front of my chest would disappear. In my eyes thats what stops me passing as often as i could and until they're out the way I'll always be slightly lacking in confidence