As far as I know you are still legally married. If you are both in NY, NY only will grant a divorce based on "grounds." This is legal term. Furthermore, there is no such thing as a spontaneus annulment. If you were legally married (i.e. you were male and she was female), there is no such thing as an annulment springing up the minute you changed the way you presented your gender. No such law exists. However, if someone is motivated, he or she can always go to court and fight your wishes. Hey, that's what lawyers do. Perhaps a lawyer could argue exactly the theory I just suggested (i.e. that your marriage was annuled de facto). At this point, I would probably say you are both safe. But all of us are in uncharted waters. The question I would ask you is (and I don't expect you to answer here), will you remain married? If you someday become divorced, you can always sign over a life insurance policy. You both can sign mutual health care proxies, you can give each other a power of attorney. Basically, if you are divorced, you can do what gay couples have been doing for years before some states recognized marriage. I hope this helps.
