Hey maybe you all here could help me understand this better and hopefully somebody has been there but its been driving me crazy...

I work with this girl and the minute I seen her I was like totally blown away. I remember I was sitting there doing a paper when i was first hired and she came up to me and she seen I was confused so she helped me out in filling out some questions. Ever since that moment happened. We started talking. Well she flirts with me kind of in a middle school way. Hitting me, pinching me. Stuff like that. Well she knows I was born a girl but I have not gone through anything yet. I pass pretty well as a guy. I can lower my voice and talk without a problem and I always wear my binder at work, and every time i go into the girls bathroom I always have girls stop me saying I'm in the wrong bathroom or guys saying that I'm a creeper piper looking at girls in the girls bathroom. So Most people think of me as a dude. Which is pretty awesome. Well we have older couples that come in and we'll be picking on each other and they'll be like "are you two boyfriend and girlfriend" and we're not at all so we say no and they are like "well I'm sure you two will be soon" We get that a lot or people would tell her she should date me because they can tell I like her, that I'm sure a nice young man, and we'll look good together. ha So I wasnt against the idea. Well her car broke down and I was giving her ride home on sundays when we would work together. Well one night she ask me if I can just drop her off at one of her friends house which is close to my house so I thought no big thing sure. Well I was asking her where to go and she said that she doesn't want to go anymore. We should just drive around. Well we did. The whole time she seemed like she wanted me to kiss her or something. She kept taking off my hat and putting it on herself. Stuff like that. Well nothing happened but she ended up giving me her number and told me to text her. Well we have been texting each other for awhile and I asked her would she ever get with somebody like me and shes just like "well Im straight you know" but its like ok I don't date girls that aren't. (if thats weird to say) but I don't think of myself as gay. Well I was being stupid and was just like "hey you should send me a picture on my phone" well she did and her boobs were pretty much hanging out and Im like "dang next time just send it without the shirt" and she laughs and says "i'm not that easy" and I was like "Ok well that wouldn't make you easy because  we've known each other for a pretty long time" and shes just like " well maybe one day". Well at the beginning of our "friendship" she use to talk to me about guys and stuff now that we have been texting and stuff she won't talk to me about other guys. So she comes to work and she has a hickey on her neck (which i didn't get mad about because I'm messing around with other girls too and she knows it) and I'm like nice hickey and she won't say anything about this guy she was hooking up with...Which is weird because any other time she would tell me about somebody shes into or hooked up with...after that car ride she doesn't say anything about dudes to me anymore. Well our manger would tell us would should get together because all we ever do is flirt so I told her that I think she is just scare of what other people will think even if I could make her happy. I know I can't push a relationship at all I totally understand that butttt 

Is all this weird? Do you think I should just move on because nothing will ever happen there? I do like her but I just dont know what to do. I just feel like if I wasn't born in the wrong body I would have her..what do you guys think?

My concern is that she said she doesn't date 'girls', therefore she isn't seeing you as a guy which could cause problems.

My advice? Girl, boy, gay, straight, bisexual, etc... eventually they're going to have to be real with you about the status of the relationship, whether that ends up with you finding out the harsh way or them telling you. Could be good, could be positive, but don't put all your eggs into one basket. Especially if you don't know how they'd feel about being in a relationship with someone like you.

And by the sounds of it you might be falling into a trap I once did, and that's putting something in your head that doesn't exist, even if other people are saying you're going to be together. They said that for me too, but it didn't make it so.

There are straight girls out there who would have no problem with a transguy, but it's not about whether they're straight or not. You want someone who sees you as a dude and has an interest in you. So be careful.

Quote from: Lachlann on January 23, 2010, 04:54:36 PM
And by the sounds of it you might be falling into a trap I once did, and that's putting something in your head that doesn't exist, even if other people are saying you're going to be together. They said that for me too, but it didn't make it so.

There are straight girls out there who would have no problem with a transguy, but it's not about whether they're straight or not. You want someone who sees you as a dude and has an interest in you. So be careful.

Thanks man. I just don't really get it you know. I guess nothing is there and I'm just breaking things down too much when really if she was feeling me she would have been with me by now. I'm not so much shooting down any girl because shes bi or lez I just sometimes want to be soon as a normal guy but then again what is normal..Thanks again

I work with this girl

Whoooooooooooooooooo there.  That is grounds for getting fired in your average workplace in and of itself.  As the clever people say "you don't fish off the company pier.  As I would say, as I fired you, 'you don't ->-bleeped-<- where you eat.'

The guy part of me just thinks she is doing to you what Jeff Beck does to a guitar, playing the hell out of the thing.

Quote from: Austin89 on January 23, 2010, 05:10:24 PM
...when really if she was feeling me she would have been with me by now.

What a guy thing to think .

Imagine how complicated it felt for you when you first figured this out about yourself.  Now try to put yourself in her shoes -- it's just as complicated, plus from what you posted, she seems to have *some* kind of feelings for you.  You're not sure what those are, and she probably doesn't know either.  So I would say, give it time -- enjoy the relationship you have with her at the moment, and don't try to push it somewhere it's not ready to go yet.

Quote from: Austin89 on January 23, 2010, 05:10:24 PM
Thanks man. I just don't really get it you know. I guess nothing is there and I'm just breaking things down too much when really if she was feeling me she would have been with me by now. I'm not so much shooting down any girl because shes bi or lez I just sometimes want to be soon as a normal guy but then again what is normal..Thanks again

Hey, it happens to biological guys too, so don't feel bad.

Quote from: tekla on January 23, 2010, 05:15:09 PM
I work with this girl

Whoooooooooooooooooo there.  That is grounds for getting fired in your average workplace in and of itself.  As the clever people say "you don't fish off the company pier.  As I would say, as I fired you, 'you don't ->-bleeped-<- where you eat.'

The guy part of me just thinks she is doing to you what Jeff Beck does to a guitar, playing the hell out of the thing.

lol i know I know...I shouldn't but we both only talk and flirt at work when I'm off and just hanging around to hang out with her or shes doing the same for me. or well its slow lol...We work in a laid back restaurant so there isn't too much to worrying about. 

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Post Merge: January 23, 2010, 05:26:21 PM

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Quote from: Ketsy on January 23, 2010, 05:15:47 PM
What a guy thing to think .

Imagine how complicated it felt for you when you first figured this out about yourself.  Now try to put yourself in her shoes -- it's just as complicated, plus from what you posted, she seems to have *some* kind of feelings for you.  You're not sure what those are, and she probably doesn't know either.  So I would say, give it time -- enjoy the relationship you have with her at the moment, and don't try to push it somewhere it's not ready to go yet.

See thats whats comes into play with me too where I'm just so confused about! Were I want to give her time and space last thing I want to do is put that pillow over her head. Its just like we have a good friendship too you know I remember I was having family problems and I texted her saying what was going on and she was totally just like yea if you need to talk Im here for you and thats really sweet you know and i dont wanna mess that up but its like the guy in me is just like really? can you give me more signs what your actually feeling!

As Lachlann says, you may be putting something into your head.

From what you wrote, (after I managed to read it without punctuation ), I get the impression that she's intersted in you as a person, perhaps as a friend.

On the other hand, she may feel something there but lack the confidence to take the next step. That ties in the pic she sent and the hicky she let you see.

If this were me in your position, I'd just let it go on as it is. You've made it clear that, if she's interested, you are as well. So, the next step is hers.

However, she may not take that step for whatever reasons.

Quote from: tekla on January 23, 2010, 05:15:09 PMWhoooooooooooooooooo there.  That is grounds for getting fired in your average workplace in and of itself.  As the clever people say "you don't fish off the company pier.

This is so true. Even if you aren't fired, having a relationship within work can cause a whole new world of problems. What if you go together then break up but you both have to be around each other alot because of work? Awkward.

I'm a strong follower of "don't mix business with pleasure". Hell, I don't even go do non-work related things with co-workers after work. I've seen too many people get leverage and dirt on their "friend" after work that gets them in trouble or even fired. Sadly, you just can't fully trust your co-workers. Besides, I see enough of my co-workers during work. I sure as hell don't want to see them even more.

Most business forbid it anymore, anyplace where one is a supervisor and the other the worker (because of the power deal) is pretty much legal city anymore.  For god's sake don't text someone you work with, even in jest to send you a pick with their shirt off, that's making it too easy, and for that matter don't let your co-workers on your myspace/facebook or whatever unless it sterile - hell, its a routine check anymore for a job (and growing for loans and insurance), so don't even have a facebook/myspace deal.

Quote from: Radar on January 23, 2010, 07:06:35 PM
I'm a strong follower of "don't mix business with pleasure".

I'm moving on a different shift now a new company is taking over. She is going to be swing and I'm going on mornings we will pretty much never see each other at work.

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Post Merge: January 23, 2010, 11:13:39 PM

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Quote from: tekla on January 23, 2010, 11:01:25 PM
Most business forbid it anymore, anyplace where one is a supervisor and the other the worker (because of the power deal) is pretty much legal city anymore.  For god's sake don't text someone you work with, even in jest to send you a pick with their shirt off, that's making it too easy, and for that matter don't let your co-workers on your myspace/facebook or whatever unless it sterile - hell, its a routine check anymore for a job (and growing for loans and insurance), so don't even have a facebook/myspace deal.

I think you might be taking this a little too far. I do not work in a high in business and I am not higher then her. I was a busser and she was a hostess. We both made the same amount of money. Now I'm moving to being a cook and she will be a hostess still. She will work evenings and I work mornings now. Believe me if I thought our friendship was messing with my work I wouldn't go there. 

ok, I was straight and now i'm bi... I wish I was in the girl's shoes... I would date you anytime... =D

well, I'm not sure if the girl is as analytical as me, but I would consider many aspects, from a conservative straight girl's point of view. Um, the things that I bring up are not going to sound nice but this is not meant to be offensive.

The extent of acceptance on her side, how her family and friends would affect her and see her on her side, and how your family and friends would see her on your side, and if things do not work out due to sex, how she'd have to handle it, whether there's any future in it, how she can have a family, how you are going to support and provide for her, how she must deal with all the lame people who gossip and talk behind her back, and the long list goes on... so naturally, she'd be afraid... but of course, letting her know that you are as afraid and insecure as her, might help a little...

If she is open minded and courageous enough and place love on a high priority, she might go on dates with you... but otherwise, well, you might have to work very hard for her... so you'll have to ask yourself if she's worth it... hope the above helps... good luck!!