January/February 2010

The Other Side of the Wall
Praying at the Western Wall, First as a Man, Then as a Woman

Joy Ladin

http://www.momentmag.com/Exclusive/2010/2010-02/201002-Joy_Ladin.html

And there, at the Wall, is gender.

As the most sacred space in Judaism, the Wall is under the zealous supervision of Orthodox Jews, which means that, like everything else in Orthodox Judaism, it is divided into a male part and a female part, with a mechitza, a physical divider separating men from women, running down the middle. To approach the Wall, you have to identify with one side or the other. That should be easy. I never let myself hesitate when I publicly identify myself as a man. I use men's rooms, and fill in the "M" boxes on forms I sign under penalty of perjury. It shouldn't be hard to hand my daughter to my wife and make my way with my son to the men's side of the partition, but as my son and I walk deeper into maleness, I feel sicker and sicker. To approach the sacred, I have to erase what, despite all the repression and resolutions and lies, I have always known I am.