Gender Queer/Androgyne can be defined as someone in a gender spectrum, or beyond the normal 2 polar definition of gender. What things are their about you (if you feel you are in the gender spectrum somewhere) that uniquely seems to define you , that is different than the 2 polar gender spectrum?

Are you all male or female? Are you made up of different parts of gender?
Have you suppressed one gender so long that you feel the other must come out?
Do you live part time one gender, and part time the other?
Are you taking steps to physically mix your gender (hair, nails, clothing, eyebrows, facial hair, hair removal, etc)?
How far would you go in such changes?
What keeps you in the other gender?
What do you like about it, what do you not like?
Do you feel you are both genders or no gender at all?

Gender Queer is a extremely broad. Much more broad than crossdresser, drag, or transsexual.

Just throwing a few inquisitive questions.

Kendra,  you always have such interesting topics
This one for me is somthing I must respond to, yet somthing I need to give a deal of thought to.  Not so much the what, but the why.
Have never considered myself Genderqueer, but geez, thinking about what you stated

Rana

Inside I feel about 20% male. That percent doesnt feel fake, I dont hate it, and it feels quite natural to me.

I had suppressed it so long, when I started to bring out the femininity into my everyday life, that life long suppression and pain started to relieve the pressure within.

If someone asked me why I feel this, Its just something I have known all my life.

In relationships I naturally take on the feminine role. The times I have tried the other way doesnt work.

What male parts are their of me? Parts of my thinking, feelings, and expression are male ( as well as a few physical traits, some wanted and others not). I am not 100% female I know. Nor would I take that 20% male away, even with anykind of hypnosis, brainwash, or treatment.

[I btw dont like the term genderqueer. I like the term Intergender (IG) and I think in terms of transition of myself not as "trans" sexual, but "inter" sexual. Not the same as one born with both anatomical parts as traditionally used. But more of becoming one with mixture of physical traits (to fit my 20% 80% that I feel inside.]

For me, its not about passing, shocking, any sexual pleasure, or integrating into society perfectly. Its just about being me.

Its has nothing to do with not committing to one side nor the other. Its about looking at myself, and feeling how I really feel inside and how I want to be. And sticking with the answer and truth, no matter what that answer may be.



Posted at: August 11, 2006, 08:29:29 PM

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Quote from: Rana on August 11, 2006, 08:15:48 PM
Kendra,  you always have such interesting topics
This one for me is somthing I must respond to, yet somthing I need to give a deal of thought to.  Not so much the what, but the why.
Have never considered myself Genderqueer, but geez, thinking about what you stated

Rana

Yes. Something I have only recently really talked about myself.

Quote from: wickham_kendra on August 11, 2006, 08:08:58 PM

• Are you all male or female? Are you made up of different parts of gender?
• Have you suppressed one gender so long that you feel the other must come out?
• Do you live part time one gender, and part time the other?
• Are you taking steps to physically mix your gender (hair, nails, clothing, eyebrows, facial hair, hair removal, etc)?
• How far would you go in such changes?
• What keeps you in the other gender?
• What do you like about it, what do you not like?
• Do you feel you are both genders or no gender at all?

Excellent questions!  I like how Tinkerbell tackled them point by point, so I'm going to go at it in the same way:

• I'm all me!  How's that for a non-answer?  The sex thing is biologically male, but it's weird, because some days are completely not the same as others, and I'll feel more "masculine" one day and extermely "femme" the next.  The more I think about those words, the more they bother me, but they're the best my language has at the whole affair.  I don't mind the rapid change between them.  Maybe I spent too much time reading the Principia Discordia in college.  I wouldn't mind a magic wand to change back and forth.
• I am at a point where I am surpressing all the outward signs of feminity, which sucks.  I have the urge to just go all out as far as that is concerned, but I don't have any (seriously) time really alone besides the time sitting in front of the computer at 1:00 am, that is, while everyone sleeps.  This used to be better in college, but everything was better then; maybe that's why I want to go back so bad.
• I would love to live day-to-day as I saw fit on that particular day. 
• I used to have long (very long) hair, and I currently try and shave as much body hair as possible and still be discrete (I imagine I'll have to come out to my wife in a couple weeks at most.)   I was plucking my eyebrows for a while and growing nails while on vacation, but I work in a food manufacturing plant, and painted/long nails things are pretty much forbidden regardless of gender.  I cut my hair on request of my wife for our wedding and have kept it short since.  I want to grow it back and I have a vicious internal debate every time I get it cut.  Other than my head and assorted facial hair (eyebrows, eyelashes), I'd want no other hair on my person.  If I have to have short hair, I want a wig.   Some ear and other piercings, too.  I used to do a little of all of this while in college (pierced my own lip, now closed, I do have a couple other of those kind of holes, etc, all but one ear closed.   ) 
• I would like to change my appearance as much as possible toward the feminine, because it's pretty hard to look more "guy" than I do most of the time, so that would probably be the balance.  Have I thought about SRS and HRT?  Yes.  Kind of more regularly than not.  But, anyway, I would also like to start doing more activism in the LGBT area, considering how many slots of those I currently occupy.  While that doesn't change the physical aspects of who I am, that creates a certain amount of investment in time and visibility and solidarity that goes a way to being comfortable.  That is in an ideal world.  See the next answer for my cop-out.
• I need to feed the family.  Just today, someone in authority at my work called a woman he was arguing with a pretty pejorative term for lesbian.  One of the ones that some are trying to reclaim.  This is not a supportive environment, at least locally.  The company at large is better at this.   That, and, really, I need to tell my wife.  I think that will be the easy part.
• I like my physical sex because  . . .  well.  I have no preference.  I like my male identity as much as my female, though I admit, the female is much nicer to be in and look at (not to mention so much better clothes), but the male has it's perks, too.
  
• Either/or/neither.  I am genderqueer.     At least, I think so.

I shall now post a clip from the principia discordia, because I think it fits with my overall view:

"We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn grids (concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. A culture is a group of people with rather similar grids. Through a window we view chaos, and relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand it. The ORDER is in the GRID. That is the Aneristic Principle."

And one short one:

"Reality is the original Rorschach."

I may put that in my .sig.

Thank you for your excellent and thoughtful questions. 

beatrix

Hi Kendra,
Below I have tried to honestly answer all of your questions.
Are you all male or female?
I have a female mind and sprirt, but a male phyical body.
Are you made up of different parts of gender?
Ah.........  Im' all male on the outside and all female on the inside.
Have you suppressed one gender so long that you feel the other must come out?
That been my life. I created a false male image to please others and protect myself. And I have fought him for years. Finally at 54-5 I decided to become the person I really am and not worry about what the world thinks.
Do you live part time one gender, and part time the other?
Yes and No. I dress as a male for work. But the only thing male that I wear is my shirt and hair style. My wife doesn't want to see me dressed completely so even at home I don't wear skirts or makeup. I am holding myself back because I don't want to lose my wife.
Are you taking steps to physically mix your gender (hair, nails, clothing, eyebrows, facial hair, hair removal, etc)?
Yes and No. It's not a mix i'm going for but all woman. See above why it is a mix right now.  I have plucked my eyebrows, let the hair on my head grow longer and have lighten it. I continuely shave and pluck all of my body hair (big job because my body is real hairy). I have been trying to grow long finger nails but they just keep breaking off.  I plan on have my ears pierced in the near furture and have already talked to my wife about it.
[How far would you go in such changes?
All the way. My body is all wrong. I want to erase any trace of a this maleness.
What keeps you in the other gender?
First and foremost my wife - She is not ready for me to take the next step yet. I real hate causing her pain. It tears my heart apart too. So for now I live with some depression.
My employment - Losingmy job and lack of enough funds. I'm in a low paying job but I'm getting the experience that I need to get a lot better one.
What do you like about it, what do you not like?
I love everything about being a woman except when I have to use a low toliet in a public restroom See:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,3567.0.html if you want more detail.
Do you feel you are both genders or no gender at all?
No. I'm a woman, but my body is male. Yuck.......

A woman at heart,

Jillieann

AS I am reading this I cant help but think that people here are looking directly into my heart, soul and mind! Am I all one or all the other...No...I have to be [him] most of the time and only get to be [her] part of the time . But it seems like the longer I go being him the more I need to be her. I do what I can to let Stephanie shine through without making me wife too uncomfortable in local public places. And without putting my job at risk. My responciblity to my family comes first and formost to me. I do feel more femme as I get older. I am completly shaved from my beard down, tweezed browse, piersed ears, and med. length hair. Always wear womens jeans, tee shirts, and panties ...and some times a bra, but not to work. Would love to wear makeup more but my wife says its too obviouse, no matter how lite I put it on. As far as HRT, not yet    but a girl can dream .I am not really interrested in SRS/GRS not ready to go under the knife just yet.  well thats about it    guess ill have to think on this one some more ...          Stephanie D.

Tink and Jill, you both seem to be in the ts side of things. Where the "trans" in transsexual, means moving your body to fit your true gender which was opposite of your physical body. Not so much a mixture of genders, but it helps others to see the difference. Its good others can see this so they can compare how they are inside and should help out. And compare to see if they feel fully the need to change sex (anatomy) to the female gender they always knew they were, or have a mixture, both, or neither gender as defined genderqueer.

Steph, beatrix, and and maybe rana more in the gender spectrum more "labelled genderqueer" (though I like Intergender better). Somewhere between.

I was thinking about gender and sex earlier today. I know even if I was born into a female body, that I would have the need to become more male. I hear inside my soul that things would not be all "right" just being female. I would not be happy if I suppressed the male side of me.

Kendra, I also do not like the term "Genderqueer"  to me it seems to be one of those effective yet graceless words that are inflicted on society - probably as a boost to the ego of the person who "invented" them or their particular use.  Trouble is they are useful - or is it convenient?

Geez, I used one    boost; envisage; scenario; paradigm; Alpha Male; Generation X; Baby Boomers.  - all of them irritate me to some extent

I prefer Intergender also    and on reflection it does seem to suit my circumstances.  I try to remember back to my state of mind when I was young, I can never remember pining to wear womens clothes, yet I enjoyed and had an outlook that appreciated feminine things -  also manly things how can one reconcile wanting to be both a dancer & a soldier??.  I sucked at playing team sports, my "uselessness" at playing football & cricket below a level one would expect me to be capable of performing at was a source of shame to me and caused me loss of face - till I discovered squash, cycling, running.  At these sports I excelled and was highly competitive.   I both enjoyed and was ashamed at dressing up as a woman.  In my heart of hearts I would have loved to be another Edith Piaff - I really would have loved to be an entertainer, but that would have ment female/impersonater - drag queen.  See what I loved I was also ashamed of.   

I dont want to be a woman in any way, I enjoy being a man - well I can play the part well enough, but in essence I am a sort of mixture.   I think, though sometimes the idea of me being fully a woman is not so much sexually exciting but liberating - I would love to dance

Rana

Are you all male or female? Are you made up of different parts of gender?

I belive all of us are a mixture of genders.  There are some parts of me that are very female.  There are some parts that are male.

Have you suppressed one gender so long that you feel the other must come out?

Breaking down the closet door with C-4 or some other such explosive would probably be the best description.  Self-realizations has been late, long and hard in coming.

Do you live part time one gender, and part time the other?

I will be going to school as male and living at home as female.  I see this as a part time warm up to the RLT.

Are you taking steps to physically mix your gender (hair, nails, clothing, eyebrows, facial hair, hair removal, etc)?

My hair isn't down to my breasts yet, but I'm working on it.  I just had my brows done.  I am slowly adding more androgenous items to my wardrobe.  I hope to start lasering my face in a few months.
How far would you go in such changes?

Everything is gearing up towards transtioning.

What keeps you in the other gender?

Necessity of the moment.  Since my transition will be quite public, I am trying to follow a checklist of things I need to do.  Right now, its developing a plan with my administration on how to transition while minimizing its impact on my profession - education.

What do you like about it, what do you not like?

Like - Being free to be my true self, comfortable in my own skin.  THe harmony of body and soul is priceless.

Not - Having to worry about my kids and how they will adjust/adapt.  Having to worry over angry & frightened parents and co-workers.  Trying to outwit Murphy.  It burns a lot of energy.

Do you feel you are both genders or no gender at all?

Both, though I am finding the female side coming out strong now that she has been freed.

Chaunte

Are you all male or female? Are you made up of different parts of gender?
I would say I'm very close to being half male and half female. Looking back at some of my fantasies/imaginings/daydreams and my one delusion ("but I'm feeling MUCH better now" {Buddy, Night Court}) I guess I've always seen myself as two complete people: me (male) and somebody else.

Have you suppressed one gender so long that you feel the other must come out?
I'm not really sure how to answer that. I've actively supressed my female side, to my detriment. But it's not really like that side of me is or was ready to burst out. It's more like acknowledging my female side has been like opening a safety valve that bleeds off so much pressure. It feels like a controlled release.

Do you live part time one gender, and part time the other?
Publicly I live full time as a male. Privately I don't really live as either as gender-wise I'm not really either. I just kind of live as me. After spending so many years (a quarter century or better) telling myself that it's not OK to think and feel certain things I refuse to wait for "male time" or "female time" to do things. What's the point of being genderqueer (and it's not a political/societal thing for me by the way) if you're still going to force yourself to meet society's expectations of gender?

Are you taking steps to physically mix your gender (hair, nails, clothing, eyebrows, facial hair, hair removal, etc)?
I'm letting my hair and nails grow. I shave my arms and legs. When I dress as I want to I wear women's clothes without wearing breastforms, a wig, or makeup. Sure it may look like the "guy in a dress" thing but I know better.

How far would you go in such changes?
I guess until I look in the mirror and say "hey look, that's me". I'm not flat chested (naturally) and I rather like that. I'm considering HRT to grow some real breasts. But what I have right now is just enough to give the illusion of breasts. SRS is out. Other than that, I don't really know yet.

What keeps you in the other gender?
Do you mean gender or sex? What keeps me in the male gender (so to speak) is simply that it's an integral part of me. What keeps me in the male sex is quite simply that there is no sex that matches my gender, so why go from one wrong body to another?

What do you like about it, what do you not like?
You know, I've never really deconstructed that. It's all kind of one big stew. Let me think about that and I'll post later.

Do you feel you are both genders or no gender at all?
Ah, the $64,000 question. Although I have both genders in me I'm not "both". My gender shifts often enough that I feel like my gender is best described as "other". I don't feel agendered (if that's a word) but then again I don't really know how that would feel. Still, I do feel that I have a gender.

I don't really like the term "genderqueer" either but it's something that people recognize. I came up with "intergendered" on my own and was quite pleasantly surprised to discover it was already in use to a small degree. But if you see "genderqueer" as an umbrella term and "intergendered" as a more concrete term then I think both have their place.

Since starting this post, I started the man in me post that added more details to some things that I  enjoy that keeps me in the male gender.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,5892.0.html

I would add to that, sometimes the man in me wakes up, and doesnt want to do anything to feminize and will just shower and go. I sort of think of my quick lazy days as male days. The old, just throw a baseball hat on, dont even comb days. Or the just shorts and t shirt days.

Are you all male or female? Are you made up of different parts of gender?  In terms of gender I am both on some days, niether on others, and leaning towards one gender or another on other days.  It is like one of those four way pendulams they sell at new age stores, it goes all over the place.  As far as relationships I am most comfortable acting more feminine.  But everything else is all across the board, I am an androgyne. 

Have you suppressed one gender so long that you feel the other must come out?  Sometimes, other times no.

Do you live part time one gender, and part time the other?  Not really.  I TRY to blend both when I can.  I do not like the polarization to begin with.  To me I personally detest the binary, so I try to stay out of it as much as I can.  My life is trying to reflect the center or something else altogether. 

Are you taking steps to physically mix your gender (hair, nails, clothing, eyebrows, facial hair, hair removal, etc)?  I am begining to mix clothing a bit more once again.  I will be taking steps with regards to facial hair removal.  I am growing out my hair again and adopting one of my old hair styles that was very androgynous.  I have shaved my body hair depending on my mood for years now, but I try to cover my body most of the year with cloths. 
 
How far would you go in such changes?  I will be getting my facial hair zapped, but that is as far as I think I am willing to go right now.  Though I have considered low dosage anti-androgens, I am not sure I want to do that.  I have considered going neutros or enuch, but I have decided against that. 

What keeps you in the other gender?  The fact I cannot fully identify with either gender.  I will be honest though, work more then anything has kept me in strictly male clothing when at work.  But even there I cannot avoid who I am in terms of behavior and social cues. 

What do you like about it, what do you not like?  I like the fact I view things differantly, I dislike the fact it frustrates relationships. 

Do you feel you are both genders or no gender at all?  Depends on the day.  However, As I stated before I destest the binary. 

QuoteAre you all male or female? Are you made up of different parts of gender?

Biologically, I'm male, however I've definitely got aspects of both genders in my psyche. I never had any of the stereotypical male attributes when I was growing up, I would've have rather been born a woman, but I can't say that I have much of the stereotypical female aspects either. 

QuoteHave you suppressed one gender so long that you feel the other must come out?

I think this was certainly the case when I transitioned in 1993 and lived the RLT for a year. I had to live as myself or I was going to die. Ultimately more important was coming to the realization of who I am and recognizing that regardless of how I live externally.

QuoteDo you live part time one gender, and part time the other?

I live fulltime as me, sometimes my gender expression is more feminine and other times not.

QuoteAre you taking steps to physically mix your gender (hair, nails, clothing, eyebrows, facial hair, hair removal, etc)?

When i was doing the RLT I was planning to do HRT, but that didn't happen. At that time I was shaving my body hair, and sometimes painted nails, but didn't like the chemicals. I also didn't feel I needed to conform to what people thought a woman should look like. In my view, our society has an overgrown case of gender dysphoria.

QuoteHow far would you go in such changes?

While I'd be very happy having secondary sex characteristics that would result from HRT, I was always nervous about possible long term side effects.

QuoteWhat keeps you in the other gender?

Reality of needing to make a living. I am self employed, I often teach music to kids and we all know the kind of backlash that exists to the idea of a "man in a dress" teaching kids...

QuoteWhat do you like about it, what do you not like?

I don't like having to present as male, it just isn't me. As I get older I am concerned of the longterm effects of stress on my self that come from living as something I'm not. I often find myself thinking about what my next step in life is, how to better unify my outer presentation with my inner sense of self.

QuoteDo you feel you are both genders or no gender at all?

I feel that I am neither of the two genders recognized in societal binary gender construct. Woody Guthrie, when asked what religion he was, said all. They said he couldn't put that on the form he was filling out, so he then wrote none. I would tend to agree with that as far as gender goes. Both and neither. All or none.

Thanks for asking these thought provoking questions.

zythyra

I agree! I love your topics Kendra!

1.) Are you all male or female? Are you made up of different parts of gender?

Definitely different parts. Both bodily and socially, I'm a fine mix of male and female characteristics. Anatomatically, I'm male where it counts. Yet I've actually had friends that have written my mannerisms scream female. Whilst being 6'4'' and rather hairy, I've also got long legs to die for and a very thin frame. Socially, I also have that mix, interested in sci-fi and wargames, as well as romances and fashion. And believe it or not, this mix is working great for me!

Have you suppressed one gender so long that you feel the other must come out?

No and I've purposely tried not to. I recognize that both parts of me are vibrant individuals that need their own excercise and attention. While I traditionally garb masculine attire and actions, I take special care to lace it very subtly with traditional feminine overtones. Being chatty. Surrounding myself with other girls. Maintaining an interest in fashion and traditionally feminine subjects.

Do you live part time one gender, and part time the other?

Generally, in order to avoid social hardships and problems, I assume a more masculine gender in public, and a more feminine gender in private.

Are you taking steps to physically mix your gender (hair, nails, clothing, eyebrows, facial hair, hair removal, etc)?

I go undercover in women's garments on occassion, as well as having certain less public areas of my body shaved.

How far would you go in such changes?

As far as I could without raising a ruckus in my public life. I am very much in the closet and plan to stay that way. Though the courage of my fellow tgers astound me, I don't think I am that strong as to ever face the public wrath for breaching its misguided protocols. I may have to sacrifice of my female self by keeping her hidden, yet it is at the benefit of allowing my male side a prosperous and happy existance.

What keeps you in the other gender?

If by other gender you mean my predominant one, its mostly because it works best in this world. There still are significant benefits of being a male that exist. The power, prestige, etc. comes much more easily as a guy, as society still hasn't completely conquered its sexism. If it truely was a gender-free/neutral society, there would probably be not much keeping me though. But as it stands now, being a male has its benefits.

What do you like about it, what do you not like?

For masculinity, most of what I like about it can be drawn from above. Power, prestige, confidence, a general easy-going, devil may care type attitude that pervades the gender. Its all very relaxed. As to what I don't like about it, it mostly revolves around the traditional values associated with the gender. The tough guy expectations, the fashions, etc. etc.

Do you feel you are both genders or no gender at all?

I would definitely say both. I have felt both distinctly male and female traits, desires, and issues within me.

Wooo, yay Kendra...

Quite fun!

-Nessa