Well, I hope the title speaks for itself!

It's been SUCH a long time since I've posted on this forum, as I had to move back in with my family in august because of money issues.  And as a result, I feel less connected (by a large amount) to myself, and my so-called "urges" in switching genders has diminished by probably 85%.  I'm so so confused.

And I don't know why this is happening (But it's bothering me which means it must be dormant!)

Number 1 is that my dad is a very controlling man and doesn't even like that I'm effeminate, and constantly nags at me and makes fun of me because my nails aren't cut every, oh, week.

I also don't have many friends because we just moved to LA and I used to go to college elsewhere, and so I'm struggling.

Anywhoo, that's not the point.  The point is I'm confused.  Have any of you been so sure of yourself but something made you just go back into yourself, so to speak?  Like...almost back into a denial/dormant phase? Did it ever re-emerge?

Blah.  Confused!

Thanks for reading too!!

20 plus years ago I went into the closet because of my folks.  Now they are gone and I am out of the closet.  It never really went away, I just was good at hiding it.

You mentioned your father.  Do you think that he is the reason why?  GID never goes away.  It ebbs and flows according to how you see your situation.  And the longer it is dormant, the greater it will return.

At least that is my experience.

Janet

Like Janet said, the GID sort of ebe's and flows though for me anyway it was always in the background, Tapping on the glass as it were saying hey, I'm still here.  Sometimes growing stronger, It never ever went away. I of course knew I would always be just a guy in a dress,  Well slacks and blouse....  Basicely, I waited till my parents died.  I came out (really Unplaned) two weeks after My dad died. 

Knowing what I know now I think I would have come out sooner, but who knows.  Everyone is different how they handle or even come to terms with GID or whatever you want to call it.  Me I was just a girl in a guys body...But I did finally solved my conflicted idenitity..

Try to deal with it as best you can.  It's not one size fits all.  Some never transition and deal with it other ways.  Some good, some not so good.  I would recommend that you take your time to really deside who you want to be and how to make that happen.  Be true to yourself first,  however that finds you.

Hi
As Janet & Beni said,

It takes time. Is there going back? I don't know, but humans have in built fear, not all animals do. It is what protects us from predators and allows animals to be hunted (not sure if I've said that right). Change is difficult for many people, breaking habits at the most basic level is often difficult for all of us. Changing your sex to match your gender; piece of cake. Who would ever think it was difficult

Decisions like these take time, some people will argue it doesn't; that they so much GID there wasn't a discussion; there was change or death. Others are not in that situation, for a myriad of reasons, some legitimate and some not. But it is each individuals decision to make. There is NO valid opinion that "my" journey is better, more important, more legitimate (etc) than yours. That is rude, ignorant and stupid. We have to follow the paths we have, live as best as we can, support our friends, colleagues and family as best we can. And hope that somewhere that someone cares as much for us as we do them.

Sorry.
Didn't mean to get emotional but Thankfully it now happens. I might have to waterproof the keyboard


Hugs
Cindy

Quote from: antarcticsake on January 28, 2010, 08:43:07 PM
  Like...almost back into a denial/dormant phase? Did it ever re-emerge?

Blah.  Confused!

Thanks for reading too!!

Yep.

It never goes away in my experience.

Again, in my experience, I just got frustrated and depressed.

Though solutions are sometimes not as obvious as they might at first appear.

In my case, it kept coming back stronger.

I tend to be both very stubborn and stoic, and I was sure I could overcome my GID by sheer force of will.  But, after six decades of fighting it, I had to admit defeat.

In retrospect, it was all so simple.  I merely had to own up to the fact that I'm a late-onset transsexual.  The sky didn't fall, the earth remained on its axis, and I didn't see any rending of garments or gnashing of teeth.  Honestly, my wife had been telling me for years that there was more to my gender issue than I was willing to accept - so it was a great relief for us both when I finally got it sorted out.

I think it is a trend with caprice.

Nowadays the media is talking about ice age because it was an unusuallyh cold winter this year. An expert on climatology wrote in a newspaper that climate change differs from weather change. Climate is for > 10-yr trend whereas weather is for one or two days.

I am sometimes still confused on where I am eventually going.

Barbie~~

I am sometimes still confused on where I am eventually going.

Pretty much everyone is, GID or not.  Those who are not are just not understanding the situation.  But hey, in numbers there is some comfort, as Jer used to sing:
We're all confused, what's to lose?

I often think that I'm Alice down the rabbit hole, or Dorthy thinking Toto, I don't think we're in kansas anymore.  It's hard to know where we are going when the future is so unclear, the present such a mess.  I remember the first time I went to Europe and was driving around, and all the signs were different, I didn't have a clue as to what they meant.  It could have been "bears playing violins 5KM" or "village made entirely out of cheese 9KM" I just had no idea.

I think we're all pretty much someplace where all the signs have changed, and everyone is trying to redefine them, and there does not seem to be much consensus as to what exactly anything means anymore.

In my opinion, the things you need to ask yourself are: what is transitioning going to give me, and what is it going to take? how much is it imporatnat to me and see the gain/loss ratio. can you imagine yourself living as a male for the rest of your life? and what about living as female? what bothers you most about beeing your current sex? what are the ways to fix it?
Analyze your needs, expectations and your will to eventually lose something.
On the other hand, most people here are going to tell you that in their experience "GID" never went away, and saddly that is the only answer you will get becauze if it did went away they wouldn't be here today and wouldn't have transitioned, so it is just like one side view.
But this is not about anyone of us here, its about you and your life, and the way you think is the one to get the most out of it.
So good luck.

p.s. i am experiencing the similar "confusion" only that i have already started HRT, and have been on it pretty long