Hi, my pre ftm friend, J (he's going for his surgery end of this year), just told me that he "still loved her (his ex) but it's over, cos she's attached and likes femme."

Naturally, from my point of view, it means he still has residual feelings for her and cos of certain circumstances, cannot be with her for now, and if she were to change her mind, J would still go back to her. I'm not sure if this is the way I should interpret it. Cos from a guy's point of view, when he says it's over, it means it's over. I'm not sure how I should take this as I do not want to be a substitute.

What are your views on this? Do I still continue to pursue this or should I back off and let things cool?

If he says it's over, give him the benefit of the doubt. By 'love', he could simply mean he still cares about her and always will because of their past relationship.

I would pay close attention to how much he talks about her. If he is mentioning her a lot, or using that relationship as an excuse for his behavior now, that's not a good sign.

I still love my ex and miss her very much, but it is over.  We would never be together again.  We are still friendly, but that is it.

Give him a chance, at least he is honest.

Love is a really funny thing. It totally takes us over, distorts out thinking, upsets our metabolism and completey screws up our lives.

Yet there is no scientific evidence it exists.

So, all we are left with is a kick in the teeth, and an emptyness that scientifically doesn't exist.

This girl is not going to come back to him. If she does, she's a teese and he's in for it. I may be wrong, but I really don't think I am.

He will probably eventually get over it. But in the meantime, he's hurting, big time.

You seem to feel like second choice right now. Who can blame you?

So, you have to decide. Do you like him enough to wait for his pain to subside?

Remembering that it happens to everyone.

Or, do you wave him goodbye?

Thank you all for the advice... J and I had a talk last night and we're good for now.

Spacial: yes, you are right. He wants to move on and so does his ex. It happened last year and I am still communicating with him to see how things are going. At least he seems sincere enough. But I really hope things will work out. It's taking me a lot of courage and strength to do this.