I know that sort of dysphoria a bit too well for my liking. It's weird, I've taken so many of the pre-med classes and there's one thing I've noticed. I'm fine staring at the cadavers. I'm fine touching and poking and prodding the muscles and organs on the cadavers. But show me a diagram of the inner workings of female anatomy and then tell me that that's what I've got and you'll have to allow me a few minutes to go be sick.

When I was younger I hoped to god that I wouldn't get the main... symptom of female lower anatomy. Something to prove that I wasn't like the girls around me. But no such luck. I get really queasy and freak when I even think about the fact that I have female anatomy at the moment. Because it's just so very very... wrong.

Quote from: Alessandro on January 25, 2010, 12:07:22 PM
When I was in a 'straight' relationship the extent to which I was phobic of pregnancy kind of freaked him out!

I've had the pregnancy phobia for years. To the extent that for a while I wouldn't use a gender-neutral toilet without disinfecting it first. I carried alcohol wipes. OCD + pregnany phobia = not a pretty sight.

Thankfully I've gotten over that slightly so I'm not quite so paranoid. But it still bugs me anytime I think about it.  Stupid female anatomy.

i've done a lot of research trying to figure out my hormonal issues, thus i've seen way too many diagrams and read way too many detailed accounts on what happens in there. dysphoria? oh hells yes. but for the most part i don't mind it, even what it does once a month. now....i ran across a diagram of milk ducts one time and practically had a panic attack.....

Don't get me wrong, I think anatomy is fascinating, but that is from a scientific standpoint.  There is nothing wrong with uteruses, just something wrong with mine.  I think pregnancy is interesting and incredible.  I've had nightmares of being pregnant, as someone mentioned, and they were terrible.  It wasn't the fear of childbirth that frightened me so much as how it defiled my identity.  The role one takes on while pregnant, the intent of being a "mother", the fact that you can't ignore those female organs... Yes, that's what gets to me.  The organs themselves are okay, just get them out of me.

I have to agree with the 'out of sight, out of mind' thing. I don't think about my female anatomy much, unless it's the time of the month... at which point I become disgusted by that fact that THAT is in me 
Inspired by Drain's comment about milk ducts I looked it up and holy crap, that is really disturbing. Quite honestly, I am more disturbed by the idea of those milk ducts being inside of me than I am about my lower anatomy.

Quote from: paxcow on January 26, 2010, 01:25:37 AM
I have to agree with the 'out of sight, out of mind' thing. I don't think about my female anatomy much, unless it's the time of the month... at which point I become disgusted by that fact that THAT is in me 
Inspired by Drain's comment about milk ducts I looked it up and holy crap, that is really disturbing. Quite honestly, I am more disturbed by the idea of those milk ducts being inside of me than I am about my lower anatomy.

Don't bioguys have milk ducts too?

Nero- yes, they do. Some guys have experimented with breast "feeding" their babies and over time they actually started to produce milk! They had to do it often and regularly though to make it work. Their he-hooters even got a little bigger.

I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one with a paralyzing fear of pregnancy. Since so many women are bump and baby happy I just couldn't understand why they felt that way at all. Of course, your normal guy doesn't run around dreaming of wanting to be pregnant anyway.

Even as a guy I don't want kids. I've never liked or wanted children ever since I was little.

Quote from: Radar on January 26, 2010, 07:51:42 AM
Even as a guy I don't want kids. I've never liked or wanted children ever since I was little.

Same here.  But people seem to think you're such an a-hole for it or at least don't believe you.  I always used to get "oh your mind will change, just you wait..."

Um, no.  It won't!  Now I know why I was so sure 

Quote from: Alessandro on January 26, 2010, 08:06:15 AMI always used to get "oh your mind will change, just you wait..."

Yeah, I got that when I was younger. Now people realise just how serious I am about it and believe it.

Quote from: Radar on January 26, 2010, 07:51:42 AM
Even as a guy I don't want kids. I've never liked or wanted children ever since I was little.

Thirding that.

And the deathly fear of pregnancy.

I used to get the "your mind will change" too, but my folks kinda gave up on being grandparents once I hit 25 and came out with my hatred of children still as strong as ever. I think when people are aware of your male identity, they take the "I hate kids" thing a bit more seriously.

Yes, people think you're an ->-bleeped-<- or somehow selfish if you don't breed. I say breeding to appease other people when you know you're not suited to parenting is the bigger ->-bleeped-<- move.

On topic - I can't think about those organs. They freak me out. Always been a massive case of "DO NOT WANT" since I knew they existed. I've been wanting a total hysto since I knew it could be done, and what it would do.

Logically, I know they are there until I can do something about them. I find myself regarding them in the same manner as a cancer - somehow detatched and not really a part of me, something that needs to be removed, a liability. Ditto for breast tissue.

QuoteEven as a guy I don't want kids. I've never liked or wanted children ever since I was little.

Nothing wrong with that at all.  Better to know that and not have kids, than to have them and go oh, gee, I really don't like them! after they are already here!

I do know many younger people that didn't want kids that wanted them later, so in some cases as people's situations change they may change their minds, hence the comments by family members.  But in many cases they don't.  I do know quite a few couples my age who are childless by choice.

For me, I knew I wanted them, but always hated the 'mother' thing.  But then again, I just played the hand I was dealt, got pregnant, and had 2.  Very surreal experience when you don't ID as a mother or mom, but I'm very glad I had them and would definitely have more if a future partner wanted them.  (though at my age I'm looking forward to more free time, so maybe not! lol)


So yeah, even though I was thoroughly disgusted at the presence of those ugly organs and the monthly red death, they did serve a purpose.  But I am thrilled beyond belief that they are gone, Gone, GONE!!!

Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on January 26, 2010, 11:12:48 AMNothing wrong with that at all. Better to know that and not have kids, than to have them and go oh, gee, I really don't like them! after they are already here!

Very true. I believe that's being selfish and unfair to the child. I also hate when women have children just to get money of some kind or to keep a man (which usually doesn't work out anyway).

Quote from: Teknoir on January 26, 2010, 10:37:57 AMI say breeding to appease other people when you know you're not suited to parenting is the bigger ->-bleeped-<- move.

On topic - I can't think about those organs. They freak me out. Always been a massive case of "DO NOT WANT" since I knew they existed. I've been wanting a total hysto since I knew it could be done, and what it would do.

Feel the same way.

Hmm, and now that puberty hit I have even more reason to hate the organs.

Breasts get in the way of certain things, they change they way I have to hold my back, it's socially unacceptable to not wear a special piece of clothing for them, specifically clothing that squeezes my ribs. They attract male attention (not the kind I'm after). And frequently, they just hurt. For absolutely no reason, they just start hurting and it lasts for a week. Not fun.

And the uterus, I would have doubted it's existence if I didn't start to menstruate. It's a horrible process. There must be ovaries too, and I blame them for my hips and my height. It's their fault that every month, I get deeply depressed and dysphoric. And the uterus hurts for no reason all the time too.

Meh, just have to live with it until hysto/top surgery. Can't come soon enough.

Ohh, this definitely affects me and very strongly too.  My entire life, the whole idea of pregnancy has freaked me out due to the fact that I would one day be capable of it.  Diagrams bother me, but TALKING about it makes me absolutely cringe.  Having my period isn't so terrible because of what happens, but rather because I know what occurs inside for the flow to begin.

Quote from: Alessandro on January 25, 2010, 12:07:22 PM
The fact that I have all this equipment for carrying a child makes me feel simultaneously terrified and nauseous.

This; definitely. Just... ugh.

Quote from: SilverFang on January 26, 2010, 04:22:12 PM

Breasts get in the way of certain things, they change they way I have to hold my back, it's socially unacceptable to not wear a special piece of clothing for them, specifically clothing that squeezes my ribs. They attract male attention (not the kind I'm after). And frequently, they just hurt. For absolutely no reason, they just start hurting and it lasts for a week. Not fun.

Yeah!  Agreed except I love male attention.  Just not straight male attention.  It was only then I started to get really strong dysphoria about the breasts, before that there were just things that were there.

I am really disgusted and disturbed at my female anatomy. Not female anatomy in general, but MINE. It disgusts me and causes me much self hatred. I have had times that I've dissociated during "that time of the month" if I see "down there." Heck, I've dissociated not during that time of month....it depends on the level of distress I am having about FTM things in general. I do have multiple reasons for the issues those parts cause, but even as a young child the female aspect disturbed me. In health class in 5th grade I HATED being put in the female section and those videos seemed so wrong and ....not me. Then the once a month started and it just got much, much worse

That stuff always bothered me too. Any time i would hear things about the parts I have and don't want or the parts I don't have and I want, I would get kind of uncomfortable and angry. Since I've been on T it doesn't bother me nearly as much. I don't know why or if that's just me. Maybe it's because I'm becoming way more comfortable in my own skin, but I know what you're talking about.

Something similar happened to me in HI. Just the look of it doesn't bother me, but as soon as I think that it's inside of me, I get chills and panic attacks and stuff, depending on how much I think into it.

What really freaks me out, and I have tried to wrap my head around this for years, is how they remove the uterus but leave the ovaries. What........ what? What, just whaaat? Do they just... float there? Float and wander around, what the hell. xD

Anyhow, to be more on topic, it doesn't freak me out as much since it's not visible... but I do know it's taking up space it shouldn't be. Whenever this topic was brought up in school, when I was a kid, I reflexively think how much lighter and more aerodynamic I could be without it.
Hilarious stuff.

I do really want it gone, though. Useless and painful.

Quote from: T2Logan on February 01, 2010, 11:02:07 PM...but even as a young child the female aspect disturbed me. In health class in 5th grade I HATED being put in the female section and those videos seemed so wrong and ....not me.

Same here. Those videos traumatized me. Seriously.