QuoteMindfulness
Mindfulness is one of the core concepts behind all elements of DBT. Mindfulness is the capacity to pay attention, nonjudgmentally, to the present moment. Mindfulness is all about living in the moment, experiencing one's emotions and senses fully, yet with perspective. It is considered a foundation for the other skills taught in DBT, because it helps individuals accept and tolerate the powerful emotions they may feel when challenging their habits or exposing themselves to upsetting situations. The concept of mindfulness and the meditative exercises used to teach it are derived from traditional Buddhist practice, though the version taught in DBT does not involve any religious or metaphysical concepts.

Mindfulness is the first and most difficult to master part of dbt. I know I've been having a hell of a time with it. I've had to rewind by a lot of years to try to remember what it feels like to be a human being, because up until this last year I've been pretty numb. The idea is to stand watch at the gate of your mind, observing things coming and going and how they make you feel; but not getting involved. In theory this can help one get control over their thoughts. It helps to be doing something that isn't particularly mentally challenging, but occupying enough to keep a part of the consciousness employed.

For me this has always been long, three hour walks. I know you burn more calories running but I can't run for three hours these days  Sometimes I would be walking down the street and just start crying or laughing or going into a little dance or a fit of anger. It's freaking wild. Anyway it's been cold, so I turned to crafting.

I fail at knitting. I got one of those "teach yourself" kits and...uh, no. Teach myself, yeah right. So I did a latch hook pillow and that was fun but a little too paint by number for my taste. I want to learn to cross stitch, but I'm taking it one step at a time and learning plastic canvas stitching first. What an interesting hobby! It's simple enough to count as a mindfulness activity, but it's spotted with enough hard parts to keep me interested. One day I swear to god I'll learn to knit, even if it's in the nursing home.

So what kind of mindfulness activities do you do? Consider the definition of mindfulness. What do you do to keep yourself in the moment and not absorbed in the past or fearful of the future? I don't know if I'll ever go back to walking outdoors, I have a treadmill now and a gym pass so it's not sensical to go out walking the dark streets at night when there are safer options. However my mind shuts off on the treadmill, it doesn't fill with imagery and flare like it does when I'm outside or when I'm crafting. So I don't think I'll give up the crafting when it gets warmer, even as my house fills with goofy yarn creations.

I've spent the past five weeks sleeping too much and not leaving my room except for the toilet or to eat, and I've been eating too much.. I've had three bowls of icecream and mudcake today, this is not good I know. I still don't have a proper bedroom because they haven't finished fixing my ceiling that fell down.
Life has been crap the past 6 weeks or so. I've stopped exercising, socialising or doing anything other than sleeping, napping, watching movies, napping, eating and surfing the net.
I tried to go for a run at the park the other week but there are road works blocking the entrance and that was enough to send me home.
I'm working on snapping myself out of this rut, as soon as I stop making poor excuses.
I used to play music but I lost inspiration and motivation. I'm so isolated I can't even get my hands on drugs any more. I haven't made an entry into my dream journal for over a month, except once when it predicted what was going to happen the following day.. which freaked me out.
I was going to start going to a mediation/astral projection group, they where gnostic and preached jesus which doesn't interest me. So much crap around, once I begin working again I'll have a routine and break out of this rut.

I thought the point of mindfulness was not about having 'activities' but to make it the basic condition of life, in that with everything you do you are practicing it, like the old school Catholic concept of ora et labora that all work when done with the proper mindset is a prayer, and all prayer is work.

Really, I've always just taken it mean Be Here Now.  Don't live in the past, and don't worry about the future.

It is, but the technique is being used to repair broken people so there's this intermediate step added. It's hard to describe because I don't entirely get it, but I think they are getting at being absorbed by everything and not just activities or music and using activities to learn it is just a means to an end.

Muffin dear what happened 5 weeks ago?

Quote from: Becca on February 03, 2010, 02:31:43 PM
Muffin dear what happened 5 weeks ago?

Well it begun with my ceiling almost squishing me one morning in December, I thought I posted about it but..no? anyway now I have ^_^.....

Did I not post this?? - My ceiling fell down >_>

Since then my life has been up in the air, last week my housemate moved out so now all my income is just rent..I need a job asap. Stressful much. Give up? Fight it? The house is a mess, the lounge room is full of all my bedroom stuff the backroom is full of lounge room stuff :S
I guess one good thing to come of my messy month is I finally broke open those flood gates...



</digression>

I used to run, too, until my knees and ankles gave out.  Then I bicycled.  When I lived in the DC area I would ride the C&O Canal towpath each weekend.  Outside the city areas it gets empty and beautiful.

The thing that really taught me mindfulness was motorcycling.  It requires a high level of awareness, but at the same time it can be meditative (with sudden bursts of PAY ATTENTION RIGHT NOW).  You have to pay attention to the Now, and soon the past and future disappear.  Eventually I got so that I could call up the state at will (sometimes).

After 10 or 12 hours on the road, especially mainly two-lanes, I would be tired, empty, at peace, and remarkably energized.

Ride safe.

- Kate

for me it is those things that make/ help keep me grounded. Walking at my farm used to do it, but that's on the other side of the planet now. Watching and listening to all the wonderful species of Australian birds from my balcony helps, and I still love taking long walks, especially down on the beach. Playing my piano is also a very meditative, grounding activity.

But in all, I have to say this: Transitioning has been the one thing in my life that has brought my head out of the clouds and down to earth more than any other endeavor I've ever undertaken. Just the practical day to day challenges we face force us to either keep our feet anchored to the ground or get washed away in the flood of life's relentless onslaught.

Am I the only one who didn't know what "DBT" was? I looked it up upon reading this post. And I seriously doubt I'm the only one who does know... so...

DBT apparently stands for "Dialectical behavior therapy." It was developed to treat people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Here's the Wikipedia entry for it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

The rest of the conversation may now continue. My apologies for the interruption. I just think it will help others understand the topic.

I'm in the eternally long retarded waiting list for DBT -- there's only one clinic that does it here, and the wait list a year to two years. Yay me! And, apparently ending up in the hospital for a sucide attempt doesn't get me in any sooner (but, if I died, someone else would be one step closer... o_0 Maybe that's their plan, genocide via suicide).

Anyway, I have started to see a therapistt through a private counseling place here that has a sliding pay scale based on what you make, and they have a couple therapists there that deal/specialize with borderlines. My therapist rocks! Finally, someone who actually gets me. She is my new idol!

As for my psychiatrist, I detest her. She's horrible and doesn't know how to treat me. We always argue and today, like normal, we got into a fight. I wish I had another one, but getting another one here is yet another waiting list and you end up with who you get -- I hate it!

Every time I leave my psychiatrists office I feel worse, I feel degraded, and ashamed of myself. She makes me feel horrible, and isn't very helpful when it comes to actually helping me. She doesn't even understand my disorder (and has admitted it) and just blames me.

And, therapists and psychologist can't prescribe anything, yet they are the ones that usually specialize. They are private, so you pay for them (you don't pay for psychologist here, oddly enough, yet the others ones make more money... I don't get this system... anyway, thus, there are few psychologists - and they mostly just give out medications and aren't that great in actual psychology and therapy).

Anyway, my therapist is becoming the middle person... hopefully I can get the help I need, and deserve.

We really haven't got into much DBT stuff (with my therapist), except mostly talking and figuring out how to help.

We've been talking about my ADHD and how it has impacted my ability to do a lot of things, including helping myself. I've taken cognitive therapy (CBT) before, as well as had regular therapy in the past. I know what I'm "supposed" to do, but I can't get myself organized at all. I try very hard, but I can't seem to get far for very long. It's very difficult. Before long, usually therapists and doctors give up on me.

I wanna get treatment for my ADHD so bad. In the past, they psych-docs thought I was bipolar, and thought stimulants would make me manic, so they just increased my mood stablizers and stuck me on higher doses of anti-psychotics. Then it wouldn't work. They'd try more, wait, then try another drug (I've been on so many). I then was just labelled as "untreatable" and let go as a patient.

Then, finally, they realized that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. The game changes, and the meds change, and ta-da, symptoms start to get better. Although, took me trying to commit suicide early December for my psych doctor to actually treat me on the correct meds. Also, the hospital psychatrist (who specializes in BPD as well, but only works for ppl in the hospital and with inmates... so I can't actually see that p-doc, but I wish I could. He was great!)... anyway, he had to write a letter to her to put me on the correct treatment, so I won't end up in the hospital again. He knew I had borderline right way, and he couldn't figure out how my current p-doc would have so much trouble figuring out my diagnosis in the last couple of years, and going along (as with previous doctors) treating me with the wrong meds for the wrong condition, and then giving up once that didn't work.

I took my own determination to find my therapist, to get help myself.

So, now without the excuse of "it will make you manic" out of the way, I was talking to my therapist who agrees that treating my ADHD would help with my therpay and my borderline (adhd is common in borderlines). She's BPD specialist (remember that).

Anyway, so, I see my psych doctor today, and mention it. She goes off on me and tears a strip into me saying that 'cause I'm BPD that means that I'll end up "abusing" the medication (yet, I never have in the past). She says I just need to try harder. She then went and started to say that 'cause I'm borderline that means that I constantly lie and maybe I'm doing some elaborate hoax to convince doctors that I have ADHD to I can get meds for it -- oh, but that's not it! Here comes the ice on the cake! She goes as far as to say that my Transition was some elaborate hoax and a lie, because I'm borderline and it's in my nature to lie and make up stuff to get attention. So, in other words, I've been living as a woman for the last 4 years, plus had SRS over a year and a half ago, 'cause I wanna get attention.

WTF?

I couldn't believe it. I was very shaken. Why would she say stuff like that? (Then again, she never really has been 100% keen on the transition thing, either).

Anyway, so, I go off to my therapist appointment afterward. I was very depressed and hurt.

My therapist was able to calm me down, and she doesn't get why my psych doctor is being that way, either. She specialzies in BPD, remember, and suggests treatment for my ADHD to help me get through therapy correctly. She also says, and knows, that my transition has nothing to do with my BPD, nor was some attention-getting-plea-for-attention. That just doesn't make sense. Who would do all this for attention? She was also disappointed that my psych doctor in believing "BPD Myths," such as the idea that BPDers just lie and want attention and just aren't "trying hard enough."

She's actually calling my psych-doc tomorrow about it. She said she'll also look and see if there's anyway I can find a better psych-doc who's a bit more understanding and knowledgeable about Borderline and about being transgender. Although, the docs are more than likely just to perscribe meds (I really can't find out what use they have, other than that). Worse comes to worse, see a family doctor. *shrugs*

It really comes down to this: I need help. I want help. I want to get better. I don't wanna be sick. I've been in and out of the psych wards, going from doctor to doctor, being put on many different kinds of meds and getting no where. I wanna get somewhere. I don't wanna be stuck on Social Assistance for ever and ever 'cause I have problems keeping down jobs -- I wanna be able to have a job, like normal people, maybe even a career. I don't wanna be moving every couple of months, I wanna place of my own. I don't wanna bounce from relationship to relationship, I want something long-term and fulfilling. I don't wanna be a disorganized messed who can't even stay focused enough to watch TV, watch a movie, or read a book -- I'd love to actually finish watching movies and finish the books I read. I wanna be functional. I wanna be healthy. I wanna be happy.

So, when it comes down to it, I do what I can to be healthy.

So, I guess my mindfulness is pushing to be mentally healthy. I already started with my transition (which is awesome, I rawk! I'm the woman I'm supposed to be -- no psych doc can change that or make me feel little because of it). Also, I've started with a good therapist. I feel a sense of relief with finding her... I finally have hope that I can actually get somewhere in my life... and I'm glad she has hope and faith in me as well to do that (something which I haven't had from a therapist or a doctor before).

Um, sorry for the long post that had several twist and turns. I do that. Urm, yeah, and usually I start on a post, then stop, then add some more later, then stop and be distracted by something else, and then start again. o_0 So, sometimes they end up long.