I've known that I should have been a girl for as long as I can remember, but just in the past month I started seeing a therapist for GID related depression.  I've had 3 meetings with my psychologist so far, and I've tried to explain to her as accurately as I can exactly what I'm feeling.  Today she referred me to a psychiatrist, but not for what I was hoping; she says that at 19 (and without ever experiencing a real relationship) there's no way I can know that I just wasn't meant to be male.  She's referring me for psychotic depression; I can remember being 5 and feeling like I was wearing the wrong clothes in kindergarten, and the depression I feel is all tied to the Gender dysphoria. 
/rantoff
What I'm basically asking is
a.) has anyone found someone good and understanding in Columbus OH?
and
b.) Is there any way I can phrase my feelings so I don't sound like someone who is psychotically depressed (as I've just been labeled.)  I was polite but fairly firm, and made it clear that I really felt the root of the problem was the gender dysphoria.  Should I maybe let her carry the conversation along instead?

Words of wisdom would be very appreciated here,

I am pretty well spoken and in my experience some people are going to paint you with the "you're young and don't know what you're doing" brush regardless of what you say.

I have had to repeat to the same people, often within the same session, that I understood why they were reluctant to rush ahead with anything and that I wasn't asking them too, and still they treated me like a 16 year old who just spent the afternoon making trouble or something. Some people can't see past your age.

The only thing you can really do is find another doctor.

I do think it's extremely inappropriate to dismiss your statements out of hand on the basis of your age.

I can't help you find a therapist in Columbus but I can tell you from my own experiences it can take a few goes to find someone both not ignorant and without preconceived notions that you can't escape from.

And I will say don't let medical professionals bully you or delay you for an unreasonable amount of time.

If you do have a depression, the psychiatrist will spot it. Believe me. I was trained in psychiatry when I was nursing and I can usually spot it.

If you do have a depression then it needs to be sorted out before you do anything else. But don't get the idea that you will come out a different person. Or, for that matter, a particularly happier one. What will happen is your thought process will become much clearer.

If you don't have a depression then the psychiatrist won't treat you for one.

As for psychologists, between you and me, they are basically quacks. Some have some pretty smart ideas and can devise some pretty clever tests. But ultimately, they are governed by a belief system of their own design. But they are generally cheaper than psychiatrists and like so many other 'therapists' they have a reasonably predictable approach to their opinions.

Use the opportunity with the psychiatrist to discuss your life and your feelings about your self and your body.

I fully accept that I have depression, but I tie a lot of it to the gender dysphoria.  I haven't fully developed a male body yet, but every time I notice something new that shows I'm just a little bit closer, I feel lost with despair.  In December I noticed that I've started to get hair in my "happy trail" and it just made me feel so depressed that I spent the day in bed, and felt awful for a while after.  I can definitely identify some major depressive "episodes," but they're usually precipitated by some thought or realization that I'm moving further towards being irreversibly male.  I really do feel like just focusing on the depression would only be focusing on a symptom, and I reject the idea that the depression is what's causing my gender problems. 

Fine. But before you can do anything, you need to get that depression sorted out.

But as I suggested, use the opportunity to get the psychiatrist to support your request for gender reassignment.

Stop worrying about the psychotic label. It was grossly inappropriate of the psychologist to use it.

Now, relax, go see the psychiatrist. Open up to him and let him know all about yourself.

If you want to discuss what he suggests post it on here.

Starcrash,
I'd love to find a good therapist in Columbus, too. I split time between C-bus and Toledo right now, and while I have a therapist up there (and he's ok), he's pretty much the only option.

I don't have any info for you, but I can offer my support and encouragement. Hang in there; I'm always available if you need someone to talk to.

Buckeye: I'm considered a first year at OSU, and freshman aren't allowed cars.  Definitely limits my therapy options to within the city.

Are you a student at OSU?  If so, and if you're out about who you are, how accommodating was ODS?  One big fear of mine is that I'd come out about it, but still have to use male floor bathrooms, maybe live in a male suite, that sort of thing. 

Starscrash,
I'm a bit older than you (34). I actually used to teach at OSU (it's where I went to grad school), but I teach at a different school in Columbus these days.

I don't have any specific information about ODS policies, but I highly doubt they'd put you on a male floor if you were living as a girl full time. It's worth looking into though. I'm happy to help out if you need it.

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Post Merge: February 04, 2010, 02:45:36 PM

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Starscrash,
I forgot to say... if you'd like to email me, my gmail address is in my profile information. Hang in there, ok? I'm still pre-everything, and I wish i had the courage to do this back when I was your age.

Buckeye:  I appreciate the offer of help, but I'm sure that when the time comes, I'll be able to find out pretty easily.  OSU is a big school and I seriously doubt that I'm the first transgendered student they've had, but I do feel a little paranoid; the two residence halls I've lived in so far have been coed by floor, with one communal bathroom for each sex. 

It's also encouraging to hear that you're in academia.  I'm working on my undergrad in Virology right now, and I hope to work in academia one day.  I'd think it would be a more accepting field than most, but horror stories abound about TG individuals unable to find work because of how they are.

*Edited to correct a silly typo.

From everything I've read, heard, etc academia IS more accepting of trans folks than other fields. It's not WHY I went into academia, but it is a nice side benefit. Frankly, it's hard for me to imagine getting a "real" job at this point. I'm, really good at school, so I just decided to keep going forever.