you don't have to come out as androgyn, but i think it would be a great alleviation if you tell your family and friends how you feel.
i don't know if this would be a good idea for me or if my family and friends would not understand me.
did you tell your family and friends something about beeing androgyn?

nothing, in the end they told me

can you explain this to me?

I've come out as transgender to my family and many friends. That's generally easier for people to comprehend than trying to explain being androgyne, which often results in blank stares. 

Z

To be honest, I generally let my actions and gender presentation do the talking, because I tend to mess up on explanations and this would take a LOT of explaining!  Plus there are times when it's useful to blend in as 'normal'. When (if?) I actually decide to take hormones or get top surgery, then I'll need to do some proper explaining...

Quote from: Pica Pica on February 07, 2010, 04:15:59 PM
nothing, in the end they told me

This too. I get people who know me well basically explaining my gender to me, which is always fun to hear! 

The nice thing about androgyny, especially if you're young, is that there are great-looking youth styles to try. The whole Goth/Emo thing springs most readily to mind.
Since androgyny borrows from both sexes, its probably a good idea to have a look at some images from the fashion world, and the world of popular culture to get some ideas.
I'm finding androgyny fascinating but quite a difficult thing to do well; i am TV so quite used to femm-ing up, but to shade male elements back in is tricky.
To feminise, clothes have to be far more fitted; to be male, looser. A little eyeliner for males if required etc. Its all about degree - a little here, a little there...
As for what you tell your family - this always comes up for transgenders, and the impetus seems to be the extremity of the change - why not change a little at a time, and get them used to seeing you with the odd bangle, piratical earrings (a la Johnny Depp) and get them used to - not much at a time, Be yourself and get others to join in the fun - slowly!!

Clare xx

I just came out to my SIL and she told my BIL. I felt I needed to tell them because I'm going from ULTRA fem to...more...butch...esque...ish. I didn't use the words "Im androgyn" instead I discribed my feelings, and my process of how I got here. I explained that I feel neither male nor female though...my inlaws are VERY accepting and open minded so that always helps.

I haven't told my parents and intend to avoid it at all costs.

I started to tell my mum once- tried to bring it up by having a conversation about how sometimes I just feel better in mens clothes and how that "very masculine" stride she's been trying to correct since I was little is really what comes naturally to me and so on.  She waved it off and said that if I'd just put some effort into looking nice, get rid of all that "baggy boyish stuff" and maybe get a proper haircut and stop acting so aggressive ("because boys don't like tough girls except in movies!"), I'd be fine.  I sort of gave up after that 

Quote from: lucaluca on February 07, 2010, 06:47:07 PM
can you explain this to me?

as Fenrir said, you just act and be the way that feels right and people start telling you your that girlish-boy or whatever. I once met a friend's mum's friend who greeted me with 'you must be the girl/boy' - I had never told any of them this, they told me.

I came fully out to my wife the other night. Everything. She knew I was androgyne, but had no idea i had been cross dressing, and didn't know about my background and how I felt.

It was rough. She didn't have much to say at the time, but the look of dismay was evident.

Good job there with handling that, riven 

She seems "ok" now with me, but we'll see where it goes. I'm not for sure the other shoe has dropped yet.

Quote from: riven1 on March 01, 2010, 10:52:43 PM
I came fully out to my wife the other night. Everything. She knew I was androgyne, but had no idea i had been cross dressing, and didn't know about my background and how I felt.

It was rough. She didn't have much to say at the time, but the look of dismay was evident.

Good job there with handling that, riven 

She seems "ok" now with me, but we'll see where it goes. I'm not for sure the other shoe has dropped yet.

Good luck Riven-1! Hopefully she'll be OK with it when she has a chance to process it.

Z

Quote from: Zythyra on March 02, 2010, 08:24:47 AM
Good luck Riven-1! Hopefully she'll be OK with it when she has a chance to process it.

Z

I meant to use my situation as an example of how NOT to tell your family and friends. Forgot to put that in there.

By the time I had figured it out everyone else already knew. (Which is true about a lot of stuff in life, what you think is some huge internal secret is something all your friends have long since taken for granted.)  I suppose everyone knew I was cross dressing underneath since I was doing it on the outside too, though in fairness I never thought of it that way.  I just wore the clothes I liked and wanted to wear.  If that fit, or did not fit some rules of convention and fashion, mattered little to me.  Which was true about a lot of stuff other than fashion too.

I never thought of things in terms of 'that's boy stuff' or 'that's girl stuff' - I just thought of it as my stuff.  And that's not just the clothing, but manners and mannerisms, interests, activities.

I always thought - and still do - that most of those rules were just a bunch of made up jive so the marching morons could get through life without thinking too much, which seemed - and seems - to be their goal.  And I'm not going to help them by feeling obligated to give an explanation other than, "it is what it is."

Quote from: tekla on March 02, 2010, 01:58:45 PM
most of those rules were just a bunch of made up jive so the marching morons could get through life without thinking too much, which seemed - and seems - to be their goal. 

Apart from the condescending tone (stern face, knitted eyebrows) I agree a lot with that. It is strange, considering we have one life, how little people take it personally.

It's a very famous short story written by Cyril M. Kornbluth in the early 50s.  That's the Nineteen fifties, not Seventeen fifties, though I'm sure Sammy would have liked that story.