No doubt my thinking will not be popular here. I believe I have a mental illness as my ache to x dress overwhelms me on a daily basis. This is not normal male wholesome healthy behavior and is regarded by the state as a mental illness. Therefore can I expect to be treated successfully by the State or a Medical Insurance Company. Has anyone here experience of undertaking a 'Transgender Therapy' to a successful conclusion. IE Is there a way to happily stop doing it.

Quote from: Colline on February 09, 2010, 12:12:18 PM
No doubt my thinking will not be popular here. I believe I have a mental illness as my ache to x dress overwhelms me on a daily basis. This is not normal male wholesome healthy behavior and is regarded by the state as a mental illness. Therefore can I expect to be treated successfully by the State or a Medical Insurance Company. Has anyone here experience of undertaking a 'Transgender Therapy' to a successful conclusion. IE Is there a way to happily stop doing it.

Happiness is a state of mind. If you feel that you can be happy living as a man then thats down to you.
If you have an overwhelming need to be a woman and that makes you happy then you need to explore that path. It is a difficult path but trying to go against it can lead to all sorts of problems.

In the end you need to do what is necessary for you. If it is something that you can't sort it out in your own mind then you maybe need to speak to someone who can help you.

You will get lots of help and support here. But you may possibly need professional help. Like me.

Anyway good luck

I must go against it, but thanks for your input Catherine. I take it that your therapist thinks you should pursue whatever makes you feel happy and to go against your desire to x dress is dangerous. Surely we can still feel feminine and sexy without dressing up so there must be more to it than just wishing to express our feminine side, we obviously need to wear women's clothing. I have a theory we feel sexier in women's clothing and since feeling sexually attractive is the main motivator in life we are being driven to pursue being feminine to the point of being suicidal in our need. Whatever the reasons the need is paramount to us and will not be ignored unless we have the strength and intellect to somehow fight it. Perhaps by feeling more desirable as a man, and wearing femme underwear etc. To pretend sex is not a part of life and then wear women's underwear and pretty nightgown to bed may satisfy some, but for most to become a woman is what most unrealistically desire. Then the need to outdo women by being better than them, because we are still men. Then there comes the desire to be wined dined and royally done as a woman and dreadful surgery is required. No Thanks Catherine.

edited for language - Nicki

There is much more to being a woman (or a man) than the clothes you wear.

You have the right to your opinion, just remember it is "your opinion" not that of all others here.

Maybe a therapist familiar with Gender Identity Issues might help.

Sarah L.

Hi Colline,
Each of us here are in varying states of transition, from first realizing who we are to complete SRS... Everyone has their own story and their own way of dealing with these issues. No one is right or wrong, it's up to the individual to decide what's best for them.

I disagree with you in that I believe that cross-dressing is normal male healthy behavior. People said the same thing of women in 50's who wished to where jeans and slacks, and look where we're at now... I also don't believe that GID is a mental illness. I know of no state (in the US) that classifies TG behavior as an illness; perhaps disorder is a more appropriate word.

Anyway, if you're having trouble dealing with your TG desires, you should talk to a therapist about it. I've been through three therapists now, b/c I had trouble finding one. If at first you don't succeed, keep trying! And good luck! 

If you do not yet have a gender therapist I strongly suggest that you find one. Gender dysphoria is not something you can fight successfully with just will-power or reason-it will make you do things that defy reason. If you have GID you may be able to supress it for a while but eventually it will return and force you to pay attention. It is even stronger when it returns so is deeper in its overall effect upon you. Whatever you decide to do is fine but we are here if you need help or just want someone to talk to. By the way, I don't think we have a mental illness but a physical condition-there is a great difference between the two concepts.

Randi

I think you have a very skewed view of what a lot of transgender people want. You sound like you have internalised a lot of prejidice against trans people and it must be hard to not loath yourself because of it.

Nobody has successfully been 'cured'. Perhaps at best you can find a way to live with your GID but it would be a constant struggle.

For me, I wear womans clothing because it feels right, not because it feels sexy, or because I want to attract attention. I like women too, I'm not attracted to men. I never became a woman, I just am a woman. That debunks a few of your assumptions right there.

So what if it is mental illness? So what? There is nothing wrong with a 'man' wearing womens clothing, there is nothing hurtful about a 'man' wanting to be refered to as she and her. It is not unnatural - people have been doing it for as long as there have been people. Nobody finds it weird when a priest wears a dress while giving mass, it is unimportant how long your hair is or your nails are. None of it says anything about how good a person you are.

The 'bad' ones are those that try to descriminate against us, kill us, abuse us, tear us down. That is evil right there. There is nothing bad about wanting to wear panties compared to that.

---

Post Merge: February 09, 2010, 02:04:15 PM

---

Oh, just want to add:
Of course we feel sexier in womans clothing. How many woman feel sexy wearing mens clothing? (ok there are some  )

Quote from: Randi on February 09, 2010, 01:44:42 PM
If you do not yet have a gender therapist I strongly suggest that you find one. Gender dysphoria is not something you can fight successfully with just will-power or reason-it will make you do things that defy reason. If you have GID you may be able to supress it for a while but eventually it will return and force you to pay attention. It is even stronger when it returns so is deeper in its overall effect upon you. Whatever you decide to do is fine but we are here if you need help or just want someone to talk to. By the way, I don't think we have a mental illness but a physical condition-there is a great difference between the two concepts.

Dear Randi

Colline here again:- If it cannot be be alleviated in the ways you suggest it must be emotional, visa sexual, therefore perhaps it can be dealt with using hormones to reduce sexual emotional behaviour which would prove it to be a sexually driven affliction. I refuse to believe it cannot be alleviated somehow. We all flatter ourselves we are not crazy but all really crazy people think they are sane by definition.

If it's interfering with your ability to enjoy life, or to create normal relationships - then you should do something about it.  It's possible to combine just about anything with a happy and productive life - if that is what you seek.  But doing stuff - any stuff - that makes you feel bad about yourself or life, well, that's not a good thing and you should work to change it.  I've always felt that we're here for a good time, not for a long time, so why do something that is counterproductive to that? 

And everyone has theories on all of this, some are even true in some situations.  All human behavior is really dark and complex, motivations that are not for us to know (but seem obvious to everyone else).  Don't put too much stock in them, the end product may be much more entangled than any one simple answer can cover.

[quote author=Jasmine.m
Hi Colline,
Each of us here are in varying states of transition, from first realizing who we are to complete SRS... Everyone has their own story and their own way of dealing with these issues. No one is right or wrong, it's up to the individual to decide what's best for them.

I disagree with you in that I believe that cross-dressing is normal male healthy behavior. People said the same thing of women in 50's who wished to where jeans and slacks, and look where we're at now... I also don't believe that GID is a mental illness. I know of no state (in the US) that classifies TG behavior as an illness; perhaps disorder is a more appropriate word.

Anyway, if you're having trouble dealing with your TG desires, you should talk to a therapist about it. I've been through three therapists now, b/c I had trouble finding one. If at first you don't succeed, keep trying! And good luck! 

Dear:icon_chick:
Colline here again. I will include a link from this very site, from Julie Marie  which may enlighten this topic.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,72037.0.html

Also I am not saying I don't need help. I was asking if anyone had been helped successfully my dear, in order to seek assistance.
To answer someone seeking help by telling them they need help is NOT helpful.........................

Quote from: Colline on February 09, 2010, 12:12:18 PM
No doubt my thinking will not be popular here. I believe I have a mental illness as my ache to x dress overwhelms me on a daily basis. This is not normal male wholesome healthy behavior and is regarded by the state as a mental illness. Therefore can I expect to be treated successfully by the State or a Medical Insurance Company. Has anyone here experience of undertaking a 'Transgender Therapy' to a successful conclusion. IE Is there a way to happily stop doing it.

Dear, dear, dear, there are so many different ways to approach this, Colline.

The first thing, I think you want to do a little research and understand some of the terms.  It can be very confusing.

I successfully stopped cross dressing a few years ago when I came out of denial and recognized myself for the woman I am.  Ok, that was a little flippant.  Many who are transsexual feel that they are crossdressing because they have to wear the clothes that are contrary to their internal beliefs.  In other words they must wear and act in appropriate ways for their birth genitalia and not how they feel *inside*.

If you feel that you are a man internally, and have male genitalia, then wearing woman's clothes, and acting in a feminine manner may give you an erotic thrill.  Really there is nothing wrong with that.  It is more prevalent than you might think.  And that is referred to as fetishistic transvestitism, or more commonly as crossdressing.

If, however, you have male genitalia but internally you feel that you are female, wearing female clothes and acting in a feminine manner may actually feel normal and not very erotic at all.  That is one of the common traits of transsexuals as discussed here and with therapists.

There is no cure for transsexuality.  There is only treatment.  The treatment can be every thing from complete suppression to coping mechanisms such as wearing cross gender clothing and underwear, through hormone replacement therapy and gender reassignment surgery.  All of these have been experienced by people here.  The extent that you may address your issues is completely up to you.

As far as support goes, depending on the insurance you carry or the state that you live in, you may be eligible for having therapy covered either in whole or part.  And depending on the results with your therapist, they may recommend various medications.  SSRI's, MAOI's and other anti-depressants may be recommended as well as HRT.  But these should all be discussed with your therapist and physician.

This is not an easy issue to come to grips with, Colline.  Primarily, internalized guilt and denial resolutions are the first steps to come to terms with.  From there can be a whole new world.

-Sandy

Quote from: Colline on February 09, 2010, 12:12:18 PM
This is not normal male wholesome healthy behavior

Says who?  This is an assumption founded in opinion not fact.  Why choose to define your life by it?

The perpetuation of such beliefs has lead to much violence against this community.  So please make sure you understand that.

I am not upset with you or anything like that, I just feel that some of the feelings  you expressed can be very self-destructive, and there is no real reason to carry them or the baggage that comes with them. 

I would like to ask, if GID is the search for sexehness, then why am I an FTM?
Cause, see, I was "darn sexeh" back when I wore bras and girl junk...
As a boy, so far, I just look "cute" to my hubby...

I'm not quite sure what the question is now 
This is one of those topics that has pushed a lot of buttons which I think the poster knew full well it would happen. 

Even so, lets try and do this objectively...

Depends on your insurance company and what you want them to cure Colline? Is the state obligated to help others with mental illness? I guess if the answer is yes and you believe this to be one too then I guess the answer is yes.

Um, I've been successfully helped - partly under my own funding though (though we have a publicly funded system so I get awsome subsidy). I have an excellent counsellor, great doctor, telented beautician, endocronologist, support etc and my gender issues have largely been resolved. My use of hormones has not changed my desire to dress in a congruent way with my inside despite a drop in libido, it just feels even better as my body is starting to fit properly. So maybe that theory or yours is wrong?

Does that answer the question? Certainly, if you want to call it a mental illness, I'm no longer 'ill'. But I guess if it is like depression, you don't really cure it, you only manage it. So I guess my illnesses are managed and controlled. If I was to stop 'treatment' I would crash. For me that is success.

Interesting the one thing that is 'proven' to work in most cases is the one thing you don't want to do (I'm assuming you want your inside to match the ourside correct?). Some food for thought: most transitioned transexuals no longer have a 'mental illness' as you put it.


(not that I consider it mental illness, but you get what I mean)

Also it would be great if we could stop refering to others as dear this or dear that unless they are actually dear to you. It comes across as condescending and is rather tiresom, but you probably already know that my dears.

Thanks
Nicki

But I guess if it is like depression, you don't really cure it, you only manage it. So I guess my illnesses are managed and controlled. If I was to stop 'treatment' I would crash. For me that is success.

By skewing this just a bit, I now have a fun new way to talk to people about my gender condition.

"Why are you a woman now?"
"Because I was depressed.  This fixed it."

Interalia has successfully dealt with detransition. It's certainly possible, just do whatever makes you happy. Men wearing women's clothes don't hurt anybody. People are disturbed by anything they see as "foreign," so they attack it but ->-bleeped-<- isn't harmful. I don't think it's indicative of insanity either really, since there are some intelligent, rather sane people dealing with gender issues. GID doesn't really seem to discriminate.

Transition is certainly not the only path for handling GID.

If you have the condition, you won't do yourself any emotional favors by categorizing it as unwholesome.

I think it is important to learn to accept it and be okay with it first, then figure out how you want/have to deal with it.  There is no need for torturing yourself with guilt and self-loathing.

Colline.
Yes there are methods of semi-successfully quenching GID, but it involves electrodes, current, sticks, and bandages.   It is called electro-shock and repetitive therapy.

Do you want to be a sheep or a zombie?  There is absolutely nothing wrong with crossdressing or being transsexual.

But your best bet is to go to a therapist that has expertise in GID.  Not your minister, priest or rabbi.  Only an person trained in GID will be of any helpful assistance.

And I should know.  I was literally beaten by a minster, who thought I was possessed by a demon.  Threatened with shock therapy by a non-gender therapist.  Given drugs by a physician, who did not think GID was real.  And all of them lead me to attempt suicide four times.  It wasn't till I went to a gender therapist that I truly got help.

By the way I am 22 months HRT, 17 months RLE, 3 months post-orchidectomy.  And I have never been happier.

Please don't call cross-dressing a mental illness.
Trying to call the act of *wearing clothing* as "wrong" or otherwise "unhealthy" is the start to a purge (clothing) cycle, a very bad thing.

PS: gender therapy is for the most part to make sure people intent on transition know what they are getting into, and often, to help with other issues. There is no known psychological "cure" to transsexuality or cross dressing. So enjoy visiting the other side. 

edit: I shouldn't be as broad to say most, but gender questioning is an exploration process, rather then attempting to make behavior "go away."

I can understand your desires to not want to cross dress.  It is a behavior that often provokes feelings of guilt and shame especially as we compare ourselves to our peers who (we assume) do not cross dress.

There are only two real answers to your dilemma.

1) Figure out a way to stop cross dressing.
2) Stop seeing cross dressing as an undesirable behavior.

If your cross dressing is coupled with sexual arousal or masturbation and you wish to stop this, I can tell you that any good psychologist can help you deal with it as you have a simple paraphilia.  Prescriptions such as sexual inhibitors have been known to work wonders to treat/cure paraphilias.

If your cross dressing desires fall into the realm of gender identity disorder, the answer is not so clear cut.  If this is the case, as others have pronounced, see a gender therapist.  A good therapist will listen to your goals and desires and seek to help you meet them.

But if I had to answer simply the question, "is there a way to happily stop doing it?" I have to say yes, but there is no one cure-all path.