I don't consider myself to be your `regular` trans person. Whilst i DO think of myself as ->-bleeped-<-, and desperately want to be transexual, i often fear im too `myself` to change. I don't feel like a girl in a boys body (this mind has aged me horribly
),i feel like one person that doesnt feel quite right. there feels something wrong, and it deeply affects me. I feel majorly depressed sometimes (though never enough to consider anything), and ive `come out` to a selection of female friends. Actually, i think the best way to desribe myself is `jaded` - nothing bothers or surprises me anymore, i don't have `ultra strong super` feelings about anything, so i think this may hinder me if i ever seek SRS (which i dream of, everyday.). Another example that depresses me is while i might become female, i will never become 100% (genetically etc.) much to religions glee it seems. That's what kills me most i think.
whats also unusual is i didnt realise this at 2 or 3. Heck, i dont really remember anything before 4. I had an air of realisation about 2 1/2 years ago when I curiously tried on a pair of my sisters underwear when they accidently got put into my room. Memories came over time, like ransacking my sisters rom at around 5 and trying on all her clothes. I can still sort of remember some of the material. What concerns my mind at times is that i may be convincing myself that i need to be this rather than being born this way....so ill leave this for others to decide. Either way i want..need it now.
Im quite a geek (nerd), playing ghastly games like Magic, the gathering. and Warhammer 40K. Call of Duty. Stuff that girls might play but you rarely hear about. I do enjoy these, but i almost feel regret when i do. I play guitar and drums, enjoy table tennis, water polo and basketball etc....i keep tropical fish haha
I suppose the last thing is that i live in the north-east of england, just for referrence (since people often talk about tg groups on their own turf.)....I dunno if ive put everything i wanted to in this post. Ah well, the minimums covered at least.
PS ive NOT told my family, something i regret every day, and wish to change. If only i had the balls to (mind the pun)
