Well after coming out (mom, I'm a guy in a girl body) the people I came out to still call me "she" even when nobody else is around. I figured it would be obvious, but I guess it isn't.

I don't know about asking them to though, I don't look male and they probably don't see me as male and it would probably just make everyone uncomfortable (including myself.)

Sigh, still, my situation is better than most and for that I am thankful. Just the petty things.

I'm on T and they still call me female pronouns.


Sometimes people will refuse to call you something just for the sake of 'ease'.

My mom still calls me she.  Look at my avatar, LOL.  People are gonna think she's senile...

No, they don't get it.

She still calls me by my F name.


Jay

Even after coming out about your feelings often people won't change how they treat you or what they call you unless you tell them to.

Quote from: Osiris on February 16, 2010, 10:48:30 PM
Even after coming out about your feelings often people won't change how they treat you or what they call you unless you tell them to.

And sometimes they still refuse.

Quote from: Lachlann on February 16, 2010, 10:52:40 PM
And sometimes they still refuse.

Definitely.

Quote from: Osiris on February 16, 2010, 10:48:30 PM
Even after coming out about your feelings often people won't change how they treat you or what they call you unless you tell them to.

True statement #1

Quote from: Lachlann on February 16, 2010, 10:52:40 PM
And sometimes they still refuse.

and true statement #2.  Gotta love it when your grandmother keeps correcting the nurses who (rightly, imho) think you're her grandson.  *shrug* for a select few people in my life, I have given up caring.  We still love each other, but their mental barriers are still in place.

I never asked people to use correct pronouns. I did thank them when they did however even when they meant it in spite. The spite is gone but usually the pronouns stayed.

My mum is awesome. Had a converstion a couple of weeks ago wher i told her that after 37 years of thinking of me as her daughter i wasn't going to get mad with her if she carried on calling me by my birth name-after all she's 68 and its a big change for her. Last week was my birthday so  she went out and bought me a males dressing gown and addressed my card to Alex cos she felt she should on my birthday. Been calling me by my birth name ever since but she really made the effort that day

Then there's also the "over a decade's worth of a habit" to break.

It's not just habit or mentality. As you are young and your parents are new to this, also you just came out - Your parents simply don't know what to do.
It is embarrassing for them to call you he as you might be embarrassed to ask them. Don't get mad at them for also having feelings.

I was embarrassed to ask my mother to change habits. I didn't ask her actually. Friends came home and she noticed that friends who knew me called me differently and at one time she asked me if that's what I want.
Then it took a while to get used to.. but it happened.

They aren't going to change pronouns by themselves, no matter how on board they are. My parents weren't ok with it in the beginning and now a year later they still have trouble with pronouns, they are just switching over with the name and still slip up, but they are definitely supportive now but being supportive doesn't break habits. And especially if they are being cautious they aren't going to just start referring to you with male pronouns unless you directly ask them to.

It IS annoying - for Valentines Day i got a "daughter" card. At the very least they could have made it neutral....

But i'm not too worried about it right now because i don't always present as male (still too feminine in some aspects). At this point i'm more concerned about getting them to therapy to deal with the initial shock. If they don't want to (or can't) use proper pronouns/name then i won't say a thing.

They'll more than likely HAVE to change how they address me when i go on T, though. They'll probably go neutral before going "male", but because they DO feel the need to "look right" in public - meaning they wouldn't like looking foolish by addressing a male-looking person using female pronouns/name - i think they'll eventually "play along".

My therapist and i are going to discuss what kind of dynamite to use to blow up those mental barriers this friday.

It makes me feel grateful that I have a unisex first name I'm going to keep. I'll change my middle name and probably introduce myself to new people by that name but if family and people who knew me before use my first name I don't care. If anything it will make it easier for everyone.

I know it can work because I'm not out at work but when I talk to clients- and they even know my first name- they still call me by male pronouns. My first name doesn't seem to faze or question the clients one bit. It's starting to confuse the salespeople some (though they don't say anything to me) and it's actually kind of funny.

The real hurdle will be family and people referring to me as son, brother and male pronouns.

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Post Merge: February 17, 2010, 09:15:21 AM

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Quote from: FolkFanatic on February 17, 2010, 09:04:24 AMMy therapist and i are going to discuss what kind of dynamite to use to blow up those mental barriers this friday.

Well put.

Quote from: FolkFanatic on February 17, 2010, 09:04:24 AM
My therapist and i are going to discuss what kind of dynamite to use to blow up those mental barriers this friday.

That is SO well put. I need some dynamite for when I tell my kids' dad. (Then again, with him, actual dynamite might be the only thing that works...)

I would tell them that you want to be called by male pronouns and that you will no longer respond to female ones.
Eventually, they'll get so annoyed when you never answer them that they'll probably start calling you he