The dysphoria. . .the dysphoria sucks. I don't like going to bed every night and having a good cry before I sleep. I know I'm a wimp about it all, but damn how else do I get these feelings out? Aggression? I don't have aggression. I'm passive aggressive, it's not a good way to deal with things.

But really, I talked a bit today. First off, my mother still thinks I'm delusional. She does not neglect to tell me how beautiful I am all the time. It seems so exaggerated now compared to before. And had a talk with my boyfriend (on an unrelated note, I don't like "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" so I will simply call him "my mate") and after realizing himself and admitting that he is essentially conservative, and does not understand why some people cannot simply deal with things the way they are, I realized one of the other crappy things about being trans.

Not a socially acceptable condition. I know that I knew this, but I really realized it now. And there are probably plenty of people that will never quite think of me as a man, irritatingly these will be the people that I care about the most. Now they don't, and it's regrettable but I can understand. I'm not really masculine, just not really at all feminine. But I will always be a "woman trying to be a man" or "woman pretending to be a man" or just really delusional.

I understand that it's a mental condition, but I didn't make it up. It's a real mental condition, I'm experiencing some real distress and there's really a way to fix it (at least partially.) People don't take me seriously, and it's frustrating. My mom will most likely never accept me this way. She's conservative, not very open minded, raised real old-fashioned. My father is a little confused, but seems like my best bet. He's open. And my mate, well he says he's fine with it but I guess we'll see how it goes if and when I get on hormones.

They really just essentially don't get it and have already made their assumptions about it. Or, I simply don't fit into their black and white world. Bit of ugly gray on the fringe, can't change the system so we'll just ignore it. If forced to deal with it, well, I don't think they would know what to do. Just, a lot of people really disapprove of me for something that I (at least don't think) didn't choose. I guess it's a bit akin to racism, in that race isn't really chosen. Although not so much because there are probably far greater numbers of people who think that transsexuals are just making it up than people who think that black people chose to be black (or really, insert your race of preference here.)

Some of what you say mirrors my feelings on the subject. People don't understand or don't believe you (especially being pre-T). They think you are just being strange or as you said delusional. My mother tends to drive in the sting of me being female in body by pointing out how beautiful I am too and by giving me feminine nick names and emphasizing them when she says them. Sometimes grabbing me and hugging me with a laugh like its all a joke. Sometimes she says 'he' or 'dude' jokingly with a laugh and I don't think she knows how much it hurts. I don't think people do in general.
My girlfriend calls me he about %75 of the time and all the other times I'm called she in front of people who don't know I'm out or when she slips up. I think she uses correct pronouns out of respect though. Sometimes I feel there is a mental block there. Sometimes it is just stamped on our foreheads and I'm afraid to some it may remain that way...
Some people will always think Im just mad.
Then again...I've been called eccentric by my friends since middle school so I may as well get used to it by now.

I understand your frustration.  I'm glad I don't have to deal with much of that myself.  (Not to my face, anyway.)  *gives Silverfang and Kamren manly thumps on the back instead of girly hugs* Aw heck, I'm queer as a $3 bill.  What am I worried about?  *Gives them hugs instead*

I'm sure the fact that you are both (judging by your avatars) quite young isn't helping your cause.  There is a tendency to dismiss any idea outside the ordinary as "a phase" or "exploration" or some such thing whenever it comes from the mouths of younger people.  To be fair, that's because a lot of young people do crazy, silly things on their journey to finding their own identity.  And parents tend to be even more guilty of making that assumption than others, because to them it seems as if just yesterday you were a babe in arms.  It's hard for them to differentiate between that 3 months in eighth grade when you decided to go Vegan (or whatever) and what you are going through now. 

My only advice is, if you can remain calm, reasonable and persistent; If you can make it clear to them that you have done your homework on the subject; And if you can prove your maturity in other ways, then, hopefully, in time they will take you seriously.  Good luck. 

Yeah, thanks guys. I will just hope with time it'll get better. If this goes on long enough, they might acknowledge that I'm serious. Mom thinks I'll regret it.

If a therapist verifies that I'm not crazy, maybe they'll take it better. One of those "wait and see" things that I frustratingly can't do much about now.