I never felt "right" when I was pretending to be a man.  I was afraid to try anything else because I had learned how to pass as a man and didn't think I could as a woman.  But I became ever more certain I could not continue if I didn't at least admit to my friends that I didn't feel that I was a man.  (I was male but not a man.)

When I started coming out I asked my daughter what was a woman.  She said there is no way to define it.  I told her that I would try pretending to be a woman because I didn't think it would be any worse than pretending to be a man and I might be able to do a better job of it. 

As I began to operate on the right fuel (hormones) I felt right for the first time since puberty.  As I interacted as a woman with the world around me I felt happy and alive for the first time ever.

Now I don't pretend any more.  Despite my anatomy and my history, I am a woman.  I don't know what it means to be a woman, but I have found out what it means to be me.

- Kate

I am so glad I asked this question or opened this topic, whatever. And I appreciate the comments that have continued. They have helped me feel less lost and more steady. I am grateful to each of you.

What does it mean to be a woman? It means you've been lumped into - and/or lump yourself into - a social construct used to describe, proscribe, circumscribe, regulate, oppress, stomp all over, play games with, stare at, get excited over and expect things of half the human population.

Thass wot it forkin' means to be a woman.

Not a comforting answer, but a liberating one, I hope.

It means whatever you make it mean, other people's definitions are for other people.

Well, you know, meaning isn't an objective thing, you know what I'm saying?

The way I see it, man/woman is an identity.
Question becomes less, what does it mean to be one, but what does it mean "to you" to identify as one.

Hi Kendall

I apologise for being presumptuous and I meant no harm in what I said.  Take care and I hope you find peace and happiness in what you are looking for.

Kind regards
Sarah B

Quote from: K8 on February 22, 2010, 08:30:40 PM
I never felt "right" when I was pretending to be a man.  I was afraid to try anything else because I had learned how to pass as a man and didn't think I could as a woman.  But I became ever more certain I could not continue if I didn't at least admit to my friends that I didn't feel that I was a man.  (I was male but not a man.)

I couldn't agree with you more, Kate. I've been very, very good at pretending to be male. So good that most people are astonished to discover that I'd want to be anything else. But that pretence has become impossible to bear. And when people ask how I think I will be able to pass as a woman, I tell them, if I managed it as a man, when everything about that felt phony, how could it possibly be any harder to follow my instincts as a woman?

Hi Sarah B

I did not in any way feel anything negative in what you said - I felt support and I appreciate it. I asked for what you gave, so I did not feel it was presumptuous.

Hugs
Kendall