Hi Everyone, i hope i have put this in the right place.

Im wanting to talk with other parents who are raising a transgender child.

My child is 4 years old, and wants to be a girl. I just want someone to talk with and ask questains, someone who wont judge.

Thank you.

Well I'm not a parent of a transgender child but I was a transgender child and back in the days (1960's) when such things were not widely understood.

I was one of the extremely fortunate few who had parents who did understand. By chance my mother was a BBC radio producer who had specialised in medical programmes and she had talked to an early pioneer in the field.

The result was that when, in early childhood, I started to express these sorts of feelings instead of being repressed I was actively allowed to grow up in between genders and to explore both sides. I think this is the key to success, because as many people will tell you, until puberty, we continue to develop and gender expression can be somewhat fluid. So don't assume that there is any inevitabilty here.

I do believe that it is important that parent remain sympathetic, but neutral about the change, the motivation for which HAS to come from the child themselves. Tempting as it is to either discourage or encourage, it is the child who must decide. As an adult it is easy to see the problems and advantages of particular courses of action, but ultimately each of us can only be ourselves. My parents gift to me was that they managed to let me know from day one (when I was about 4 or 5) that whatever I chose to be, they still loved me.

If wanted to go a party in a dress, which understandably must have caused them some embarrassment, they would support me. If I wanted a barbie doll and makeup kit for christmas I got it. If I wanted a train set or construction set I got that too! I was allowed to be James, one day and Jenny the next if that was how I chose.

My parents even extended their care to choice of my schooling. Luckily for me, they were able to afford private education as back in the 1960's I'm not sure that state education would have coped. Happily I think things are now changing on that score.

My parents chose carefully and found some very progressive coeducational establishments (remember this was the 1960's & 1970's) who were amazingly co-opperative and allowed me much of the same sort of gender freedom. I can't thank those schools enough for the fantastic love and understanding that they showed me.

The result was that unlike many that you may meet in this world of gender transition, I grew up absolutely unashamed and at peace with ALL of who I am.

When I reached puberty I became aware that yes, the female role was something which I wanted to pursue, and I have had absolutely no regrets about that decision. I realised that at a deep emotional, maybe even spiritual level I WAS female, irrespective of what my body might have outwardly suggested. But I can also envisage the possibility that for someone else that moment of epiphany might well have turned out differently.

Ironically the only time that things came close to derailing was when the first gender specialist that I saw (aged 17) insisted on putting me through a form of reparative therapy - which delayed my eventual transition into my early twenties.

I personally strongly believe that after the age of maybe 12 or 13 I was absolutely sure, and in an ideal world at that point I would have begun the formal medical process, and certainly well before the age of 16 when things like hip widening become impossible to achieve! I regard those missing years as a form of assault! The medics who delayed me did so with noble intentions, but that does not alter the fact that they injured me by preventing me from being able to achieve certain physical changes which might have made me a more attractive woman. I finally got my reassignment surgery in 1984.

At the end of it all however I had, until they died, a fabulous and strong relationship with my wonderful parents.

So you have indeed a tricky but rewarding road ahead. Please don't make any assumptions about where it will lead you. I think it is equally wrong to be too encouraging, or too discouraging. Let your child find themselves and they will reawrd you by being the best person that they can be.

I hope very much that my potted description of my history has been some help to you. Please feel free to Message me if you would like to ask any specific questions and I will do my best to answer.

I too was a little boy of 4 who realised I really needed to be a girl.

I grew up, around the same time as rejennyrated.

However, what happened was entirely negative. There isn't much for you to gain from my experiences. I do strongly recommend you look to rejennyrated's example. I will also suggest that, as someone with so much personal experience, you pester her with questions.

What I can say, with almost 100% certainty, is there is not one person here, who was born male, who won't be more than happy to offer you any support and advice they can.

Sadly, I've ended up a sad, cynical and rather bitter old man. I met and married an amazing young woman, almost 30 years ago, who is in a similar situation, born female. Still there. I don't think either of us would have made it otherwise.

I notice your screen name. That about sums it all up. Your child needs you more than he needs air. He needs to explore this part of his life now. What he decides to do later will come later.

But he must always know that he is a good person, that his feelings are not wrong or dirty. That rejection by others will happen no matter who he is. Everyone gets rejections. There will always be a few bullies out there.

I will, if you don't mind, offer this experience of mine. Mainly from my teens.

One of my biggest problems is that I am not really attracted to girls. I really like girls as friends, but on a physical level, I wanted attention from boys.

On the few occasions when I tried to say I am gay, I found too many people assumed any other gay man would do. Or that I was eyeing up every man I ever met looking for an opportunity to put my hand into their trousers.

But I am not a whore, I am not available to anyone, I don't want to jump into bed with the first gay guy I meet.

If I am attracted to someone, it's because I like them.

I am making this point because there seems to be this attitude that being gay means you are despirate.

However your son developes. I really hope you can instill in him the same self respect that every child and young person is entitled to.

And I'd also like to say that you are a great mother.

i just found this website that might be useful http://www.transparentcy.org/, i am sure via google you might also find many other associations.

i am not a parent but transgender myself, but what every you do, don't try to push your child into hiding her true self.

this is what my parents did, and it can destroy someone for life.

My parents made me feel ashamed of who i am, as a results i never had a healthy relationship with them. Grew up with trust issue and was never able to open up to them.