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Well, you are in a safe place to talk about such things. Welcome to our family!

My advise is don't jump into things like castration. I think you need to explore your female self. Learn what it means to be the woman you are.  Counselling it is a good step. If you can find a gender therapist I would recommend that. Maybe contact a local trans group for leads.

Now I say don't jump into castration because if you are going to do it you might find it is better to do it right and end up with a nice shiny new vulva and vagina. Might as well get what you really want out of it and don't sell yourself short. It is your right as a woman. But some transexuals do get their testicals removed before SRS, it really helps with their GID. This does not adversly affect the results of SRS and it gets rid of your testosterone factories in one sweet move. Also it makes tucking easier. Just think it through and don't act out of panic. Some people can't afford SRS so sometimes it is the only option available.

I don't see it as a complication that you like women. I love women too. If you are a gay, you just got to run with it 

Would you prefer to be an ugly man or an ugly woman? We all want to be beautiful. I think you will end up more beautiful just by being yourself.

Nice to meet you!

Welcome to the group. I am MTF and 42 just started transition late last year.
50 is not too old. I know a few transwomen in thier 60's.
An orchi is an extreme first move. I would sugest some research into GID/Gender Dysphoria. Hit the referance library we have here. Talk to others who are dealing with this. The older transitioners here can be a great asset to us newer transitioners.
Soon one of the mods or admins will be by to post the links to the rules.
Try and remember that as long as you keep reaching out to us we will keep reaching back.

Hi FleurDuNord,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4200 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  

I am one of the older girl. 55, who still in transition.  I have had an Orchidectomy, but it is far from what I want and need.  I would recommend start with full time, because those feelings never go away until you finish transition.

Hugs and Love,
Janet

I would just like to note that there isn't anything wrong with being a lesbian.
although your wife might think differently...

my 2 cents is to keep separate sexuality from gender incongruence, and keep medical options open. (there's more then one way to slay the poison factories)

Hi FleurDuNord,

Welcome to the forum. I am in the over 50 crowd as well. Therapy helped me more than anything to adjust to the idea that I am a woman. I also love the fact that we have a crowd here to help us when we struggle-at least we don't have to feel all alone.

Randi

I can identify with you on several levels.

Welcome to Susan's. Believe me, this is the right place. Read as much as you feel comfortable with. There is so much information and some incredably tolerant people.

In the two or so months I've been here, I've found out so much about myself, mainly by posting replies to others. It really gets you thinking. Sometimes, I find I'm getting a bit, shall we say, hot under the collar, (preferrably a female one), but no-one seems to mind, provided I keep it toned down.

As several people have said, this is a journey. In so many ways, that is literally true.

Welcome to Susan's, FleurDuNord.

Much of your story matches mine.  I was sure I could never pass as a woman, so I didn't try.  But I got to the point where I had to pretend to be a woman rather than continue to pretend to be a man.

Talk to your psychologist.  This isn't a simple thing that can be worked out in an hour.  Don't burn any bridges yet.  Therapy can help - a lot.

At first I wanted only a penectomy and orchiectomy.  I just wanted that stuff gone.  But after starting hormones and full-time, I realized I might as well get the works.  Removing the testicles ahead of time is just an extra expense if you are going to get SRS in the foreseeable future.  Some need it and some don't.  You should carefully consider your various options before deciding on it.  Removing the penis means you are losing donor tissue you might want if you finally get SRS.  Keep your options open.

HRT will effectively castrate you chemically.  You will need to do it under a doctor's care, especially considering your age and health risks.

We have suffered pain for so long we just want it to end, but this is a long journey.  You can work your way along your path, through the brambles and swampy places, gathering strength as you go; or you can jump off the cliff.  The second way is faster but you might not like what happens when you get there.

Incidentally, I started transition at 65 and have never been happier.  Either I pass 99.99% of the time or there are an awful lot of nice people from Seattle to Tampa and all points in between – perhaps both.

I wish you good fortune on your journey.

- Kate

Hi Fleur DuNord and welcome. No need to be scared. While I have no desire to transition, I do support those who do. I identify as a transgenderist. I spend a lot of time living as a woman. I discovered my own ->-bleeped-<- when I was 56 (I'm 61 now).

There's nothing wrong with being lesbian, either. You're not alone.

Gennee

Flower of the North, eh?  That is a lovely name!

Welcome to Susan's, my sister!

Know that you are not alone.  This can be a scary time, but you now have many friends to be with on your journey.

As others have said, seeing a gender therapist can be instrumental in helping you find your way.  Also finding a physician who can monitor your blood and prescribe hormones will also be vital.

Check out my blog, listed in my sig, for my experiences with orchiectomy.

Feel free to ask questions.  We're happy to help.

-Sandy