So my first appointment is coming up. I know I won't get a letter to take to a endocrinologist for a little while but I was just thinking about something...This is what I have ALWAYS wanted. I think about it and I cannot wait to start taking T so people can see who I really am. More for myself too. I want to look in the mirror and see the guy I know I am on the inside looking back at me. But all at the same time. It scares me. It actually scares the ->-bleeped-<- outta me! All the side effects...The mood swings..I'm freaked out about it all. I want it all so much but all in the same breath I'm really scared...

It makes me second guess myself.."Is this what I REALLY WANT" but its like I do you know but its always that second thought that freaks me out. There isn't turning back once I get started...Has anybody else been through this?

Not really. The prospect excites me. Can't wait to stop these irritating, female-hormone induced mood swings and the bleeding, let's not forget the bleeding. Male puberty sounds like a lot more fun to me.

Start on a low dose? Don't want to jump into it if you're not ready for it.

Before I got my shot I was nervous for similar reasons. Change can be scary, especially for something as big as this even if you know it's the right thing to do and what you want. It takes a lot of guts to potentially bring you out of your safety net to do something like this.

Even now I'm still a bit afraid to be myself and just embrace anything. It's something that's going to take adjusting to and one of the biggest hurdles I've noticed about being on T is that you have to mentally transition with it as well. I'm not talking about a personality change, but sometimes there's that catalyst that just sets you completely free and opens you up.

I went for it, because I knew it was what I needed. I'm happy that I did, but I was scared of just being myself.

Quote from: SilverFang on March 17, 2010, 04:22:01 AM
Male puberty sounds like a lot more fun to me.
.

Oooohhhh!

Sometimes I'm so pleased we're separated by the internet.

Silverfang, Who ever eventually managed to catch you is going to be a really lucky girl. 

I haven't gone on T yet, and I have thoughts similar to "no turning back" after T. I realized that if it really truly did not make me feel better (mood swings, depression, anger) that I could stop. I know of at least two people that took T for at least a year and stopped.

I am MTF so I of course I do not take T.
...However....
My wife is Female to Androgyne who is on T. It took 2 days for the T to make its way into hir brain. The diferance is like night and day. My wife ussed to be always depressed and not the funnest person in the world. Now that s/he is on T I have a happy, and energetic mate.

Many transpeople report that they feel unstable without the cross sex hormones. I personaly am doing fabulous on E, in contrast to when I was on suplemental T back when I was still in the closet, it completely freaked me out and made me kinda crazy. If you are male wired in the brain you will most likely well tolerate the T. It could even mellow you out actually.
YMMV

Quote from: Lachlann on March 17, 2010, 04:34:04 AM
I went for it, because I knew it was what I needed. I'm happy that I did, but I was scared of just being myself.

Yeah see thats what I'm really scared of too. I just didnt know if it was normal. I mean I'm trapped in a body I didn't want and I know if I want to be truly happy I NEED to do this. I guess it just kind of scares me. Hopefully it'll pass when I go on it.

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Post Merge: March 17, 2010, 10:54:50 AM

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Quote from: cynthialee on March 17, 2010, 12:30:30 PM
I am MTF so I of course I do not take T.
...However....
My wife is Female to Androgyne who is on T. It took 2 days for the T to make its way into hir brain. The diferance is like night and day. My wife ussed to be always depressed and not the funnest person in the world. Now that s/he is on T I have a happy, and energetic mate.

Many transpeople report that they feel unstable without the cross sex hormones. I personaly am doing fabulous on E, in contrast to when I was on suplemental T back when I was still in the closet, it completely freaked me out and made me kinda crazy. If you are male wired in the brain you will most likely well tolerate the T. It could even mellow you out actually.
YMMV

Yeah the whole night and day thing is what I'm also freaked out about but I think most of it is just scared for the change...

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Post Merge: March 17, 2010, 11:56:03 AM

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Quote from: Nygeel on March 17, 2010, 11:31:40 AM
I haven't gone on T yet, and I have thoughts similar to "no turning back" after T. I realized that if it really truly did not make me feel better (mood swings, depression, anger) that I could stop. I know of at least two people that took T for at least a year and stopped.

Thats cool to know that I wasnt the only one having those thoughts. I guess you are right...If it changes me to the point where I just cannot handle it..I could always just stop but I heard its really hard.

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Post Merge: March 17, 2010, 12:57:16 PM

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Quote from: SilverFang on March 17, 2010, 04:22:01 AM
Not really. The prospect excites me. Can't wait to stop these irritating, female-hormone induced mood swings and the bleeding, let's not forget the bleeding. Male puberty sounds like a lot more fun to me.

Start on a low dose? Don't want to jump into it if you're not ready for it.

Yeah I was thinking about the low dose. But at the same time if I'm going to do it I want to go all in on it...idk

I'm on the road to starting T and i'm so nervous, anxious and scared. there are many emotions we all could feel, but i also feel very excited.

I ummed and aahhed about starting T - and all the time I knew that I would... If that makes sense. Even sitting in the doctor's rooms getting the script I was packing it!! But there was no way I was going to say no - I was always going to have the shot.

Since I started researching all this transition stuff and came to terms with the fact I am a man living with transsexuality there was no other options for me. I don't do things by halves - go hard or go home! So yeah I was scared - I think I was more scared it was right for me and that I would have to live this life and the difficulties we face etc. Well more so than being scared I had was making a wrong decision.

Cold feet tend to catch you out when you're making decisions that change your life! I just took faith in the fact that I had talked with my therapist and she had made the clinical diagnosis of GID and I knew in myself - even when I was 'trying' to talk myself out of this 'crazyness' with my self doubt - that this is who I am and what I have to do.

And now that I am here at 4 months on T - I couldn't imagine me any other way. It's even hard to imagine how I lived for as long as I did - living as a 'woman'. Its exciting and scary and emotional and rewarding and dificult all at the same time - but so are most other experiences!!

Good luck!!

I was really nervous too, before I started when it actually became a reality that I was able to. Nervous about all the side effects and the changes but I knew that I needed to do it. And when I was worrying about all that stuff I was worrying about everyone else. Like if the changes would happen to fast and my family wouldn't have time to get used to it or if I would have crazy mood changes and my girlfriend wouldn't be able to handle it. But I put all that aside because I knew its what I NEEDED to do for myself and I could sort the details out later.

As it turns out I've been on T for almost 3 months now and I have never felt better in my life. My relationship with my family and my girlfriend have never been better either.

See, this is what I'm looking forward to - being able to be myself. On the other hand, I'll need to explain to my friends at church eventually, and that part I'm not looking forward to, just 'cause I know so many people there now. My change of dress - packing in men's jeans, drastic haircut - has gone unnoticed so far (in that no one's asked any questions), so we'll have to see what happens.

In the meantime, just reading these comments is making me glad I've started to transition so early. It does take some getting used to after living as female for so long, but the more I do this the better it feels. Hopefully by the time I get to the psychiatrist etc., I'll have lived as a bloke for so long, I'll have all the more ammo to present my case with (and get through this quicker? Oh well, I can dream, can't I?).

I remember when i started I had so many things running through my head.  I was 110% that I wanted to be on T, that was never even a question to me.  it was the fear of the unknown.  How will I look? how will my family react to the changes? How fast will i change? Will everything go smoothly? Things like that.  I think it is very normal to think about those kinds of things, and not knowing the answers to those questions is kind of scary. I've been on T for 5 months now and I love everyday of it.  I feel happier and more confident with myself every time I wake up.  It's an awesome feeling.  It is amazing watching yourself grow into the person you know that you always have been.  I haven't had any kind of anger problems or mood swings from being on T.  I am actaully way less angry and I feel myself being more chill in stressful situations.  What youre feeling is normal, you're human.  We usually are nervous or scared about any tpe of change that occurs in our lives. Good luck with everything!

Cool beans Jet you have been on T for the same amount of time I have been on E.

I think one of the best indicators is when we switch our hormones to the right type we become less angery and confrontational. Especialy the guys, because T is the agression hormone yet so many FTM dudes lose the mean and agressive streak when they get T in the body.

I was a little nervous, but way more excited than nervous. I was told that T is such a powerful hormone, and that you never know for certain what the exact effects will be; so those kinds of things scared me a little. But I also took comfort in the fact that if I didn't like the changes, I could stop it (and the permanent effects I was alright with). Yet I knew that if I was given the opportunity to take it, there was no way I could turn it down... which is eventually what happened.

And after about a month I'm like--okay! I'm still waiting for all these changes! I haven't really noticed that much physically, but my mood is way more energetic and happier; and I seem to be calmer in stressful situations too.

in my twenties there were no sites like this(that i knew of anyway) and you just didnt hear positive things about transgender. I didn't start on the road then because i was scared of the changes with T- not the physical ones but i was told it would make me depressed, angry, aggressive etc. I'm now 38 amd i wish so much that i hadn't listened and just gone ahead anyway. I feel like i've wasted so much of my life trying to be someone i'm not and although i'm still nervous there's no way i'm turning back this time

Quote from: al james on March 18, 2010, 09:13:41 PMI feel like i've wasted so much of my life trying to be someone i'm not...

I know what you mean being a guy who didn't start transition until later in life. T does make you feel alot better if you have a male wired brain (like we do) while estrogen drives us nuts. For us E=Evil.

Quote from: jet3 on March 18, 2010, 01:26:38 PM
How will I look? how will my family react to the changes? How fast will i change? Will everything go smoothly?

This is basically what I ask myself. This is how I usually feel. I go from all this questioning to me wanting T right this second. I have many worries of how it will all play out and if it really is the right thing.

Starting T and having surgery were probably some of my best decisions.

i know. i had my doubts and worries about starting t also.
mainly to do with the fact, that once i started, there would be no turning back. i know you can stop, but some of the effects are irreversable.

so its a good idea that your completely sure, before you go any further.

Well of course its nerve-racking.
You're completely changing everything you've known about yourself..
Outside wise, of course.

But you should be excited!
You're finally allowed to be happy with yourself,
and be the man you've always wanted to be.

Think of it as a new start.
Good luck!