So here it is.

I pack on occasion. It has been that way for a time and suddenly as I'm being more and more integrated with bio males, I'm feeling more and more that I'm missing something down there. I haven't a desire for bottom surgery, but I still feel this way.

Something else is that I bind (duh), not too fond of the moobs, but they're fortunately a small B. I think of them now as total moobs, my girl sees them as moobs, I am overweight and all so it's just natural.

Okay, the thing is this. I'll come out of the shower and see myself in the mirror. I cannot look at myself if there is nothing covering my crotch and hips. I get very dysphoric and feel horrible. However, I can stare at my chest just fine. In fact, I see a male staring back at me. It's just my nether bits that throw everything out of line because I'll see that I'm a girl and then I'll begin seeing that my moobs are, in fact, female breasts.

I just thought this was sort weird and wanted some sort of input to help me realize that I'm not a total outcast. I can't be... Right?   

Although this may sound stupid I just don't look at mirrors. It saves me a lot of crap feelings.

Before top surgery I hated looking in the mirror. Now I don't mind, between the T and surgery I can actually look in the mirror again.
Myles

Even though I'm bigger than you (chest wise), I feel very similar.  I wondered the other day if I was the only one (I should know better than that by now ) who sees their chest as moobs instead of "female breasts".

I've only been on T for 3 months now but I have enough body and facial hair that when I look down at my bare chest, I just see an overweight guy's chest.  Admittedly, a very big chest, but I still do.  Maybe there's some delusion on my part since I'm a D cup, but it makes me feel a little better about it.  When binding, my chest definitely looks more "normal" and more like a guy my size's moobs should look.

I feel naked without my packer, so the only times I go without it are to sleep, to shower, and to clean it.  I do look at myself below the waist without it on, but I try not to dwell on it too much or I'll get depressed.

Quote from: Nygeel on March 19, 2010, 08:54:52 PM
Although this may sound stupid I just don't look at mirrors. It saves me a lot of crap feelings.

Same here...

Packing and bottom growth have helped my bottom dysphoria greatly. I look forward to when I can decide the right prosthetic for me that I can wear most of the time. That will be sweet.

As for my chest I don't like it and I don't like looking at it but I tolerate it. I wear my binder all the time except when in "pyjamas" because of it. What's nice is when I wear my binder I look like any other guy in a tank top so I feel comfortable walking around with just that on. As for being topless at any time, no I can't handle that. Top surgery will be a God send.

So, to answer your question, no, you're not the only one.

I have a problem with mirrors too. I always face away from the mirrors when I get out of the shower and I don't look into a mirror unless I really have a very good reason to do so. I hate what I see, my reflection always mocks me, so I just avoid it when I can.

Packing feels completely normal to me...yet I still wonder if I really will get bottom surgery cause I don't want a useless lump of nothing that can't get up and can't pee though. I can't wait to see what growth I get on T.

But my chest bothers me to no end. I can't STAND the sight of it, unless I have a binder on.

I've started to be able to tolerate seeing the moobs in the mirror if it's just a passing glance when I get out of the shower, but looking at them for too long squicks me out completely. And I can't stand seeing my reflection below the waist at all unless I'm fully clothed. Even for a split second. Avoiding mirrors completely is just the best solution.

Quote from: MihaelKai on March 20, 2010, 01:24:20 PM
And I can't stand seeing my reflection below the waist at all unless I'm fully clothed. Even for a split second.

This.

Also, I just thought I might be strange because I have no real aversion to my chest bare. With the exception of leaving the house of course. I wear a binder if I go out and if it's just to throw out the trash, I throw on my sweater and zip it because it hides any hint of my breasts.

I love looking in the mirror without a shirt on because I've recently been working out and I'm seeing results. I see a man staring back at me. But as soon as the crotch is bare, I flip and get depressed. I'm not on T yet, so hopefully that will help ease the complete flip with the growth I should get.

Quote from: myles on March 19, 2010, 09:23:06 PM
Before top surgery I hated looking in the mirror. Now I don't mind, between the T and surgery I can actually look in the mirror again.
Myles

+1

luckily my bathroom[and only] mirror is placed to highly to reflect my genitals so that cuts that out.... also starting like.... last week?  I've been packing almost daily just take it off right before showers, and put it on right after.  Only thing is now that I've gotten used to it I feel a little depressed without it....

I can't just wear a thick sweater to cover up, as my chest is way too "developed" and undeniably female. No amount of clothing hides it, so I just wear whatever is physically comfortable. 
My top surgery is being delayed due to long waiting lists and stupid system etc but I am really looking forward to being able to look at myself in a mirror without crying, cursing or feeling sick.
By the way, however depressed and frustrated I'm feeling, I find comfort in logging on here and seeing that I am not alone; that there are other people who feel the same or similar things. 

Quote from: Nygeel on March 19, 2010, 08:54:52 PM
Although this may sound stupid I just don't look at mirrors. It saves me a lot of crap feelings.

yeah i try to avoid mirrors at all costs.