I hope others can relate to this one!  I am a manager and we have a larger team of managers / supervisors and then a huge staff.  we got in a new boss and the level of back stabbing and politics is out of control.  Does anyone even know why the "boss" would go around to all the staff and react to the awful things they say and then approach you with it?
Even having said some things that were not in the best of taste i guess they still were harmless and then got spun around worse?
Agghhhhh  I think i need an identifier or something like a closepin to carry around to remind me to button my two lips together or something for fear of the wrong thing being said or mis interpretted?
Anyone have any secrets they've used?  Duct tape works but i would not be able to talk at all??? hehe

I'm sorry I have no idea.  If your boss is making you feel uncomfortable working there and you haven't done any wrong, then you should probably talk to HR.  Your boss may be the one with the problem.  Most places will try to resolve any issues so that they have a friendly and productive work environment.

Melissa

Ricki,

The sad truth is that in the business world today, anything you say can and will be used against you.  If you let any personality show through, somebody will find something offensive.  If you keep everything "strictly business" then your job truly is "work", people still are offended, (because you are standoff-ish), and you have no fun at all.

Personally, I try to avoid controversial comments (including really bad language), yet still be myself.  Yes, it gets me in hot water with the big boys sometimes, but if I can't have fun at work, I might as well start looking for someplace I can.  How can anybody live with the fact that at least 1/3 if not 1/2 your life is endless, joyless toil?  If I wanted to be miserable all the time, I'd have stayed married....oooo...I probably shouldn't have said that either...

All of us who work in offices, and a lot of us who don't, have to deal with office politics.  There is always a brown-noser, an a-hole and/or somebody that isn't happy unless they are stirring up trouble.  Not a good thing, but a fact of life in the Corporate world.  You obviously know how to play the game, as a Manager you must have shown something to somebody, so make sure your act is clean and keep your ears open.  Then, work toward making your group the most productive folks in the company (better training, teambuilding, etc).  Big Bosses come and go...as a mid-level Mgr, your job is to survive this one and be in a position to become the next one.

(I think I even made myself ill with that last paragraph...it is all true, but whoo, what a load of hooey

Sorry everybody for letting Corporate Laurie pop out...I try to keep her locked in the dungeon most of the time as she is just so...eeeych.

...Laurie

LuarieO.. I love it!  You should be writing those training manual books you know "throw me a fish" or the one about mice "who moved my cheese", hehe
Appreciate the feedback.  I guess change is hard for everyone and with a new person none of us know her or understand her yet I errored here and there i want to fix things and move on hopefully that can happen.  I have to talk a lot at work and deal with problems put out fires etc...I am very talkative by nature that is my biggest problem or weakness i talk too much so how do you go against your nature of how or waht your are and not do it>?
I jsut have to cool it and say as little as possible maybe i should get some books from the library on communicating and all that.
I know what you meant about having fun when everything is so business like and corporate then people seem miserable with that have to much fun and carrying on and people get hurt or things get twited out of control;?

My response is:

<slowly develop a grin> and then say "Yea... life has its moments doesn't it? We're working on it".

Or something similar in response.  The trick is to disarm the new guy with a humorous and easy going attitude. You let him know that you are not rattled or consumed with the gossip in any way.  You already knew there was a problem and it is something you are attempting to resolve.  Your pleasant attitude indicates that the issue is only an issue for the person who ratted on you.  It is "their" problem but you are a stand up person and willing to help them with it.

You don't pull anyone down and only build yourself up. 

Best of luck to you doll.

Cindi

Ricki,

LaurieO and Cindi both have good words.

Out of curiosity, are you documenting any of these occurances?  If not, you might want to start.  This way, you have a record of what has been going on.

Do you feel that you or any of the personnel under you are being harassed?  If so, you might want to talk with Human Resources and/or your Diversity Manager.  You might want to talk with them anyway - a quick word from them can sometimes cool the back stabbing.

Chaunte

Who moved my fish?

Two mice had spent years running the same maze, time after time after time.  Their reward for completing the maze successfully was a big hunk of tasty cheese.  Then, one day, as they raced each other through the maze, Louie stopped dead in his tracks.  Chuck ran smack into him and knocked him into the wall.

"What did you stop for?" asked Chuck.  "I thought you were finally going to beat me to the cheese."

"You know," said Louie, "I just don't feel like cheese today.  I'm tired of being a mouse.  Deep inside me, there is a cat, crying to get out."

"You must have hit your head pretty hard.  Are you OK?" Chuck asked his friend.

"Yeah...I'm OK.  I'll race you to the cheese," said Louie as he spun around and raced off.

Sure enough, Louie got to the cheese first.  But, when he reached the cheese, all he could think of was the cat inside, wanting to be free and not really interested in cheese.

"Here buddy," said Louie as Chuck came dragging in, "You can have the cheese.  I don't want anymore cheese.  I want some fish."

"Mice don't eat fish, they eat cheese," said Chuck.  "Are you sure you are OK?"

"Cats eat fish.  I know I look like a mouse, but inside, I've always been a cat.  Don't worry, though, buddy, this is one cat that will never chase mice," said Louie as the man put them back in their cage.

The next day, Louie again refused the cheese.  And the next day, and the next day.  Finally Chuck asked his buddy why he didn't eat the cheese.

"I'm a cat.  Sorry pal, but I just can't deny it any more," explained Louie.

The next day, Chuck was surprised to see his friend Louie dressed in long fur and wearing a fluffy tail.

"Chuck, you know you are my best friend, but I can no longer live as a mouse.  I'm a cat, born in the body of a mouse," Louie explained.  "I'm tired of hiding my feelings and being unhappy.  I tried living as a mouse...even convinced myself that there was something wrong with me, but it is just no use.  I would rather starve than eat anymore cheese."

"Louie.  I don't really understand, but you have been my best friend for years," said Chuck.  "If you believe you are a cat, then you must be a cat.  Come on kitty, let's see if we can get the man to put both cheese and fish at the end of the maze."

And with that, they embraced and went looking for the man.

..................................

OK Ricki...that's about as good as it gets.  Enjoyed having fun with this...hope you get a kick out of reading it.

........Laurie

Hi Ricki:

With my experience in working in and with HR, documentation is your biggest asset.  Keep track of all the indiscretions (dates, who said what, etc).  Do it as soon as possible after the incident(s) to ensure to keep the facts straight.  I am not sure how big your company is and I am wondering if you have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)?  They may be a good to contact just to help you out with some game plans.  As well does your company have a Human Rights Office?  For me the Human Rights Office was invaluable when all this came out.  Talking to them before I disclosed any information to staff helped know just where I stood and where the company stood.

Hope that helps. 

Gill

I work construction and I see all kinds of bosses as I go from job to job.  Thankfully, when I have a bad boss, I know there is an end to it.  But I left the field for eight years and went into the office as a project manager.  I had a boss that you have described to a tee. 

What I saw was he believed the people who came to him with gossip were people concerned about the well being of him and his company.  He couldn't see through the BS.  I had many talks with him and tried to point that out but he just couldn't believe these people would play him like a puppet.  Yet I saw it happen all the time.  Some were stealing him blind!  The company was owned by three siblings, two brothers and a sister.  I tried talking to all of them about what was happening and all that resulted was these backstabbers focused on me.  They knew they had to get rid of me or some of them would go to jail.  Since I had been there less time than these low-lifes and it was a den of thieves vs. me, I lost.  Eventually things got so bad between my boss and me that I quit. 

Years later he has left his company to his brother and sister.  He couldn't handle the pressures and many of the problems he had were because of these employees he put all his faith in.  Some he later found out I was right and he fired them but there were so many and they were so good at covering their tracks he lost the battle. 

Sometimes you just can't open people's eyes.  Whether it's ego or gullability or whatever, they refuse to believe they have been lied to by people they placed their trust in.  So you either grin and bear it or leave.

If you decide to stay here's a thought I use when I am in a situation I can't control (when I recognize it):

There was a great philosopher who traveled giving seminars about dealing with life and achieving inner peace.  Many people followed him from town to town hoping his attitude will rub off on them and they too will find inner peace.  One time he asked the audience if they want to know his secret.  A hush came over the crowd as they anxiously waited for the answer.  Then he said, "I'm okay with what happens."  It's so simple yet it can bring about inner peace in a second when you realize that worring about this or trying to change something over which you have no control is futile.  When you are okay with what happens you are living within a world over which you have complete control. your world.  I hope this helped.

thanks this all does help me!   things have calmed in some areas and escalated in others but i started this week out with a new thinking and hopefully showing a different side!  I think to some degree the best i can figure is its one of my supervisors or one or two employees basically bending what's happening or going on and then whispering it into the bosses ear.  I was approached yesterday by the new "boss" and asked about an employee being given food (-half gallon of milk)from me they did not pay for?  Get this i could not think of an incident that happened that i allowed, i stated so to the boss.later on in the day it hit me the facility is big there is a cafe kios upstairs not ours privatly run the ladies cooler broke and she called me asking to borrow some milk?  it was given to her (she came into the dept for it and ironically it hit me, my one supervisor was nearby watching me giving her two quarts of milk right?) then the boss asks me about it??? Hmmm the pieces fall into play and i was very quick to report back to our new boss as to what had happened and why the milk was "given out" and she only said okay fine!  So i dunno but the idea that i am the manager and the director would allow "supervisors" to fill her head?  I always said this before the ones that spend their time trying to point out others misgivings or blame others are the ones with the most to hide...
Guess I'll walk a straight pathetic professional line for now and play this out....
I dunno not much more i think i can do its silly and stupid!  and after all this as some of you pointed out it could bite them all in the behind!

Sounds like the new boss is just trying to make a name, after the name is made most things will return to normal. There is also the brown nose, those trying to make nice with boss to insure their position, very low self worth causes the brown nose, just do your job and be confident in what you do.

Thanks cindy i am seeing evidence of all of this just ackward making this change to sort of the manager friend to strictly manager.  Guess we got to used to just talking amongst outselves with the old director who was wilted and did not care.. I as you said just need to be careful and do my job.
Time will tell once we make some transitions.
Thanks
R