Hi All
I thought it was about time I gave you all an update. This will be long....
I have been around these parts for a few weeks now and although I don't say much I read just about everything that is written by everyone, even "caption the avatar above you" . I get something out of just about every blog and post. So I would like to thank you all for helping me on my journey.
It was after making a post on another forum in January and the replies that followed that I decided that it was time to act. I knew of an FtM TS that I could contact to discuss my situation face to face and was hopeful that he could point me in the right direct. The country I am in does not have many resources available so I needed help to find a therapist. He was wonderful, caring and understanding and I now count him as a close friend. We continue to provide support for each other. He also recommended a therapist.
So I saw the therapist and that was a big help, although following session have been disappointing and I see a new therapist next week. It was good for me to get a level of validation and to know that I am not going crazy and that it is not all in my head, so to speak.
I came out 4 weeks ago to my wife of 16 years. It was an extremely emotional and upsetting conversation. She immediately thought the worst, that I was going to change overnight, that the marriage was over, how was she going to survive and on and on. On both sides there were tears, misunderstanding, anger, frustration, guilt. But most of all there was love. It is our love that binds us together and our love that will see us through.
We have plotted a tentative path forward but we both have our boundaries. It is a work in progress, but we will get there for sure. For me the biggest boundary is that full transition may not be possible. For now I feel our relationship and kids are bigger and more important then anything else. We have 2 teenage daughters who we love dearly. We have given them a little bit of information so that they know something life changing is happening, but we have not told them the full story yet. One day when the time is right.
I have made several new friends both in my current location and online. My new BFF is online and she lives over the oceans from me. I hope one day to meet her; she has been a great support, we talk almost daily. I have revealed myself to an old friend that I recently reconnected with, she has also been fabulous. Thanks girls, I love you both.
It certainly has been a roller coaster ride so far, but I am looking forwards and not backwards, for backwards is just a deep void. Lots of tears and deep and meaningful conversation with my beloved, but also plenty of joy and happiness.
We have a very long way to go, but slowly, slowly and with baby steps, we will make it.
I don't expect responses but certainly appreciate your thoughts, advice, comments and support.
Love to you all
Shelly
xx
