The other night, I stopped at the local Wally world to pick up a few things.  Walking through the makeup isles, I saw a couple of ladies walking past.  The second one was on the phone and speaking in a very masculine voice...yep, it was a sister in transition.  I turned to catch her attention, as I would like to have talked to her and, perhaps, made a new friend, but she was already too far away.  As I looked, her girlfriend looked at me and gave me a "what the heck are you looking at" expression.  I smiled and started walking toward her, but they kept walking...looking down the next isle, I got the same thing.

All I could do was stand there and smile, thinking that if they were only a little closer, they could see that though I was dressed in drab, I still had on my eye shadow and mascara, my long fingernails were polished and I had on jewelry.  The more I thought about it, the more humorous the situation became, and I kept thinking "If only they knew."

It also was a bit sad, as they were so used to people not accepting them that their walls were so high and well-built that there was no room at all for something good to happen.

You will find that in public, your sisters will likely not want contact.  Many times I have run into someone else. Rarely will we acknowledge each other.  The most positive response I have ever received was a wink.

Cindi

I've had similar situations happen....at WallyWorld no less LOL

We crossed paths in the canned veggie aisle and she caught my eye instantly.  It wasn't that she was obviously TS it was more the fact that she looked very nervous.  "She must be just starting out" I thought to myself as tried to study her without making her more uncomfortable.  She was with another girl who was obviously GG and either a wife or girlfriend, I thought after watching thier interaction for a brief few seconds. 

She tended to look down most of the time which I catch myself doing often as a defense mechanism to avoiding seeing if someone has "clocked" me.  We passed each other quickly and I noticed her friend watching me as I went by.  I knew that she had clocked me and would most certainly tell her TS partner. 

Sure enough as we met on the next aisle she looked up from the floor and stared at me.  I wanted to say "Hi" but I felt it was better that I just smile as I went by.  She continued to watch me but I wasn't bothered at all. I remember when I first started out that I was mesmerized when I saw another TS in public and couldn't take my eyes off them. 

By the third aisle we crossed together I noticed a big change in her behavior.  She was no longer staring at the floor quietly but had her head high, a smile on her face and was talking.  As I went by this time she simply glanced over and gave a big smile and went back to her shopping.  I think we both left the store that day feeling a little better than when we entered it. 

I have had the same reaction. If I do see a sister or brother, I usually ignore them, unless I know them real well. Then we will hug. I think that some want to pass so bad that they tend to be not very friendly. I understand this, as I want to pass too. I guess I'm to out in the world to really care about what people think. If someone does look at me in that quizzical look, I give them a smile or maybe even a wink.
Sheila

It's kind of sad how it has to be that way.  I mean, Jocelyn would want so badly to talk to another TS in real life and yet if she passes by one they both want to pass so badly that they miss their chance for meeting someone else in the same boat.  I understand why things are like that, but it just seems like such a big catch 22 when your half dying for social acceptance and the on the other half dying for friendly contact and encouragement.

Quote from: BrandiOK on October 13, 2006, 10:32:19 AM
I've had similar situations happen....at WallyWorld no less LOL

We crossed paths in the canned veggie aisle and she caught my eye instantly.  It wasn't that she was obviously TS it was more the fact that she looked very nervous.  "She must be just starting out" I thought to myself as tried to study her without making her more uncomfortable.  She was with another girl who was obviously GG and either a wife or girlfriend, I thought after watching thier interaction for a brief few seconds. 

She tended to look down most of the time which I catch myself doing often as a defense mechanism to avoiding seeing if someone has "clocked" me.  We passed each other quickly and I noticed her friend watching me as I went by.  I knew that she had clocked me and would most certainly tell her TS partner. 

Sure enough as we met on the next aisle she looked up from the floor and stared at me.  I wanted to say "Hi" but I felt it was better that I just smile as I went by.  She continued to watch me but I wasn't bothered at all. I remember when I first started out that I was mesmerized when I saw another TS in public and couldn't take my eyes off them. 

By the third aisle we crossed together I noticed a big change in her behavior.  She was no longer staring at the floor quietly but had her head high, a smile on her face and was talking.  As I went by this time she simply glanced over and gave a big smile and went back to her shopping.  I think we both left the store that day feeling a little better than when we entered it. 

I had kind of a combo experience of LaurieO's and Brandi's.  It was one in particular that stood out as being TS.  Early in my transition I had noticed her and I was in the same position as LaurieO, where I just wanted to say something.  Well, the last time I saw her (after I had gone fulltime), I experienced almost exactly what Brandi did.  We smiled at each other with a "I know you're a sister" look and later I saw her again and the same thing, but a bigger smile.

Melissa

I don't know whether everyone's experiences makes me feel better or more sad.  Kinda both, I guess.  Better that it is almost "normal" behaviour to avoid contact, but sad that it is the common reaction.

I understand the fear of ridicule (isn't that why we are nervous when out in public?) and I too tend to keep my head down when approaching people (especially groups of teenage boys).  It is a shame, though, that this seems to be our lot in life.  Maybe one day...

Thanks for the feedback.

.....Laurie

I don't ever hold my head down. I hold my head up with pride. Shoulders back and breasts up.
Sheila

That's right Sheila.    I have nothing to be ashamed of.  I'm a woman plain and simple, so why should I look shameful.  I don't even feel awkward going out in the world as a woman.  Heck, I was doing it even before I was going to therapy.  I've never felt weird dressing as a woman in public.  If anything it felt more natural.  Maybe that's why I don't get people who identify as a woman inside so strongly, but are afraid to take the first steps to go out into the world as a woman.

Melissa

Hi Everyone,

I must admit I'm scared about going out my first time in public as a woman. I'm still new at developing my female side. There is a transformation service here in the Seattle area called Emerald Fantasy. I was thinking of using them for my very first experience in the world as a woman. I feel a little like I'm cheating in some way by doing that but I'm going to anyway unless I find a situation I would be more comfortable in.

Thank you,

Genevieve

Quote from: Genevieve on October 14, 2006, 11:36:32 PM

I feel a little like I'm cheating in some way by doing that but I'm going to anyway unless I find a situation I would be more comfortable in.

Genevieve

You are never cheating to get all the help you can get.  Go get help!  If it will make it easier for you, do it!

Cindi

Genevieve...It's not cheating.  I took driving lessons before I got my license.  I took scuba lessons before diving.  Wish I had taken adult lessons before growing older...

Get all the help you can.  Things are hard enough without having to figure it out all on your own.

......Laurie

Very well said Laurie 

Let's see -- Next saturday I have an appointment with a makeup artist.  For USD$50 she'll evaluate my skin tone and face shape, help me with a basic day makeup, provide me a color chart and a list of recommended products and brands, suggest what NOT to do with eyebrows (and just what NOT to do in general... ) and what eyeglass frame shapes would flatter my face shape best.  I'd say that's $50 well spent (This is NOT an endorsement, but PM me if you want the link to her website.)

Next, my hair needs taming.  It's nowhere near as long as I want it, but I have to do something to keep from looking like Ted Kaczynski sans beard until it grows out to where I want it.  I also need advice on how to take a drastic natural wave out (for now... Maybe later when my hair is longer it won't be a problem.)  Angela gave an excellent presentation on what can be done with/to hair at an SGA meeting.  I'll go see her and get a cut and lessons on hair care and styling.

Anyway, I feel that getting the help of a professional is in the long run cheaper than learning by trial and error.  It's most certainly not cheating!  Get your makeover, take lots of notes, listen to their advice, and HAVE FUN!!!

Karen

P.S., Here are a couple of (anime) pictures that kind of illustrate my target hairstyle;


(Reki from Haibane Renme)
Long, like this, with the strips hanging in front of the ears.  But my hair has WAY more 'body' than this...


(Akane from Ranma 1/2)
More body here, with the hair tied back below the collar.

Anyway, just a kind of target I'm shooting for.

I have yet to encounter a fellow TG anywhere except at TG events but my ex has worked in cosmetics for over 30 years and has seen many in her stores.  And she would always make a point of telling me when she did.  I'd ask her about it but she never had much more to say, only that everyone at her store was comfortable with it.

I have run into a few people here and there.  A guy at a car dealer's lot, a gal in an elevator, and then I have run into one or two people from the group support thing I used to attend.  I do not have a problem with those I have already met or that may know me but I  do not want some stranger running up to me trying to be my friend or whatever just because I am T.

I run into many in my bookstore. I try to just let the shop for whatever they want in peace. And to only help if they ask. And sometimes when I bump into them, I am in the middle of working, and need to keep working. LoL, if I bump into anyone from this site, dont expect me to respond, because its your opportunity to shop in peace just like any other person. I may mentally make a note like I do with many of the of the other shoppers too.

Most just shop and try finding what they want, or just hang out reading. Thats fine and encouraged.

And if you want help I will help you, but make sure its that you really want help, and not just trying to talk to me or something. It would just be awkward for everyone.

One time I had someone pull me aside to look for a book I knew they didnt even want. They asked about a bible. I started asking specifics of what they wanted (we have hundreds and hundreds of bibles, different versions, and different indexes, size prints, covers/bindings, and other features), and they started to space out sort of, and not answer me. They seemed not even interested in finding what they had asked about, but rather just to maybe try talking to me or something. It just sorta made me upset because I am trying to help people find stuff out of a million or so different products. It just wastes both our time.

In addition, they picked a bad topic for me to waste time on lol. Especially with bibles. I am not christian, and cant stand (on a personal level LOL) being in that section, though my work calls for it. I only try in that section because I have to, but tend to get out of that section as fast as possible lol.