It has just occurred to me that being transgendered seems almost pathologically self-obsessed.  It's a drive for which you live inside yourself, have trouble getting on with others, and makes you willing to do things that can seriously hurt those close to you.

If you disagree, feel free to pipe up, because frankly, I want to be wrong about this.

I've heard that before. It seems to go along with those that think TG-ism is a form of OCD. I'm not sure how much stock I put that. However, I was (separately) diagnosed with a mild case of OCD, so perhaps I'm not the best judge. I will say that for a while, I took meds to help with the OCD and my desire to be a girl never diminished.

I've thought about this alot, and I do disagree. I know I am certainly not self obsessed, I have an overwhelming desire to change my outside to reflect my inside, because at the key of the issue is I want to be seen as female. At this point I have already accepted that my mind is female, so in many ways this involves the perceptions outside of my own mind as much as it is inside my own mind.

It may be true that it can hurt other people to go through transition, however the reason why they are hurt is not you being gender A instead of B, the reason why they are hurt is because they are used to a façade and it may be difficult for them to let go of that façade, but had you been born gender B instead of A they would have loved you all the same, so the problem is that people have trouble dealing with change.

Though I haven't told my mother about me being TG, I know had I been born a girl she would have loved me the same. So if it comes down to her having problems they are really of her own creation, not mine.

Now, it is true to a certain extent that you have be selfish to go through with transition, in the same sense it is selfish to follow your heart and dreams rather than just being who other people want you to be. What I am saying is anyone really secure in who they are has to be a little selfish, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Now, I am sure there are a few transwomen or transmen that are totally self obsessed, and a few that are OCD, but I am not sure that it 'comes with the territory'. I am not an expert on the issue and as always YMMV, but I would love to hear some other opinions on the subject.

I don't necessarily think its self obsession...
But more of just being comfortable with yourself.

There is a problem with myself, and I am obsessed with fixing it at the moment.

Yeah, I'm pretty self-obsessed.

Thats true... Im not necessarily obsessed with MYSELF. But FIXING myself.

Quote from: Jester on March 21, 2010, 08:58:50 AM
It has just occurred to me that being transgendered seems almost pathologically self-obsessed.  It's a drive for which you live inside yourself, have trouble getting on with others, and makes you willing to do things that can seriously hurt those close to you.

If you disagree, feel free to pipe up, because frankly, I want to be wrong about this.

Interesting statement. I believe that in some ways someone who is 'actively' transgendered may be egocentric in terms of their transgenderims. That doesn't make it negative... It simply means that the individual can have a more egocentric attitude; perceiving a situation from their own mind, in relation to their own needs/desires when confronted with aspects that interlink with - or are confrontational towards - the problematics of their ->-bleeped-<-.

Egocentrism is a negatively charged word, but in the end I believe every individual is egocentric when it comes to their own problematics...

Quote from: SilverFang on March 30, 2010, 03:15:07 AM
There is a problem with myself, and I am obsessed with fixing it at the moment.

Yeah, I'm pretty self-obsessed.

exactly.

well said.

Well what do you expect, ourselves are the problem, ourselves are what we need to fix if we're to lead a happy fulfilling life. Of course we will be obsessed.

Isn't striving to be happy, no matter what that may be, in a way self-obsessed? We are human beings obtaining happiness and survival takes much self interest. I don't want to wither away and die miserably....

If there is something that seems incorrect about who you are, it's natural to want to try to remedy it.  Some people choose to bury their nature in order to match expectations (which places the burden squarely upon themselves), and others to choose to accept their nature and at varying levels actually remedy the matter (which creates varying levels of anxiety for the people around them, although the TGs are not free from suffering).  Sometimes doing the right thing (and even "selfish" behavior such as correcting personal problems can be the right thing) can make others unhappy or even hostile.  Just because you hurt someone doesn't mean you are wrong.  And generally speaking, it's harder on TGs than the people around them (even if it doesn't always look that way).  In some cases, actually coming out may create more problems than it solves.  But if you do come out, the two things you can be sure of is that you are being honest with yourself and others on this issue, and that you will not be if you try to bury who you are -- those are the absolutes you can be sure of.

I've heard this a lot, and suppose it links in a way with Aspurgers syndrome and the FtM thing being linked because their more withdrawn or something. I don't know the whole detail of it.

But when you think about it, trans people being 'self obsessed' its sort of true. Ok the majority hate their body but they spend a lot of their time making it look how they imagine it and want it to look and keep perfecting until they get that.

A lot are fixated on sorting it and it's the center of most people's lives in this situation. I will probably will get beaten for the comment but it's a personal opinion of mine i've always had lol.

I think the majority of people are self obsessed, its human nature to be constantly thinking "what is the best course of action for me" consciously or subconsciously its just a form of self preservation. There are instances of truelly altruistic behaviour but they are rare and i think most of the time whether they know it or not people are actually looking out for themselves by helping others. When you help someone it inflates your ego, makes the other person feel in your debt and makes yourself look like a better person from the outside. Obviously every time you help someone that cold and logical thought process isnt consciously taking place but we have learned from a young age that thats what happens. Its similar to brushing your teeth in a way, when your young you brush your teeth cos mum and dad say your teeth will fall out if not, but in adulthood you brush your teeth out of habit, the real reason is still the same but its not what you think of every time you brush jsut like when you help someone you arent consciously thinking this will benefit me but its a habit and the under the surface real reasons you do it are the ones that benefit you.

Sorry for the incoherant rant