I was at a support group a month or two ago, the last meeting I attended before I stopped entirely. Saw a new guy there and found him vaguely unsettling. I kept fixating on his mouth.

If this sounds weird, I am usually drawn to the eyes and mouth when I look at people's faces. Other features don't register as much.

A couple of weeks later, I saw a name on our Yahoo group that I recognized. An old friend from way back in elementary school. Turns out he is trans and I never knew it. He didn't know about me, either. I figured he had started going to the support group after I left it.

The thing is, this kid always had a distinctive mouth. I suddenly realized that the guy I'd been not-staring at in the last meeting was my childhood friend. I suppose it was subliminally disturbing to see <girlname's> mouth on a guy, and a stranger at that. Subconsciously, I must have been trying to place him. We weren't best friends or anything, more like school buddies. And the last time I actually talked to him must have been eighth grade or something. Over thirty years ago.

We both had an ally in the same classroom, on the same playground, in the same community, and we didn't know it. Now I keep thinking about how different things might have been if we had both been able and willing to articulate ourselves to each other.

Growing up, I thought I was some kind of serious freak. I thought I was the only alien on the planet.

This guy was right there in the beginning, so close I could reach out and touch him every day at school. And I never effing knew it.

Aaah, missed opportunities.    If only this or only that...

It's nice that you have reconnected though.  How strange that if you both had been more open and more together (i.e., more mature), you could have helped each other. 

This is a strange and wondrous world, but we can grab only the opportunities we recognize and are ready for.  It's a nice story, Arch, and nice you are going forward now.

- Kate

I've never to my knowledge met another MTF before in person (Have met a FTM pre T)... although I say that when I was in primary school I very precisely remember one boy named Ben who was more popular than I was so I wasn't friends as I was chronically unpopular odd and shy, even tho they lived just up my road from me during a day when we were supposed to dress up in costume they opted to dress up as a girl very convincingly I might add they won the best costume award that day.

For the first two years of secondary school they went to the same secondary school as I did then they transferred away. Despite transferring they continued to live on my road it's unusual because the next nearest school is much further away.
I never saw that boy again however a few months later I saw girl who was my age and looked just like boy... Sister?  that boy never had any siblings in our year... I only suspect young transition-er because although I saw that uncanny girl who had to be a relation numerous times over the next few years along with there parents I never again saw the boy.

And now I will never know.

Quote from: K8 on April 01, 2010, 06:38:12 PM
Aaah, missed opportunities.    If only this or only that...

My life has been full of missed opportunities, but I recognize that when it happened, either I couldn't recognize it as an opportunity (i.e., hindsight was required), or I couldn't take advantage of it because I simply wasn't ready.

But sometimes a missed chance, once recognized, can provide a person with the means to take advantage of a similar opportunity that comes along later.

I once knew a super-cute guy (okay, nerdy-cute, but hella sexy to me) who worked at a science fiction bookstore. Over the course of a couple of months, I was working up my nerve to ask him out. But the store closed suddenly without warning, and I never saw him again.

A few months later, I met a guy who reminded me of the first one. I pounced on him and wound up with a twenty-year relationship.

Pebbles, have you tried to find your friend on Facebook or Google? You might find out something.

maybe youneeded tha journey to learn things and be stronger , now you can catch up where you left and share your experinces together
cool thing, sometims a heart relief is always around us but we ever see it because something in the universe is is pushing us to certain path
or maybe it's all coencidence , but eitherways it's a nice thng you met now , make the best o it  good luck

Thanks, Lia.

 I met four MtF who were in the same year, same school and never knew about each other until they met at a support group. All very cute ladies who think there must be something in the drinking water at that school

Hugs Arch,

I reckon when we are young the confusion and pain is too much to allow us to come out unless our parents are supportive and recognise we have a problem. I know I'm from a different era, but I remember a guy at my all guys school (Ha) who came out as Gay, before the term was accepted. He went to Hell in a few days and had to leave. The irony was greater as it was a Christian Bros school that had a number of pedophiles among the staff.

Life is full of missed opportunities, the trick is not dwell on them.

Have a good weekend Bro.

Hugs Again
Cindy

Cindy, I also went to a Christian Bros school.. 

Quote from: Dianna on April 02, 2010, 02:27:08 AM
Cindy, I also went to a Christian Bros school.. 

Hi Dianna, I wonder if there is something in the water at CB schools , might explain a lot. I have to admit they gave me a good education, even if I got a sore bum.

How's the weather have you got the cyclone coming in, or is it further North?

Cindy

Cindy

Yes we got a good education.  Ours used to carry a leather strap, god it hurt- 4 or 6 on the hands and we behaved.

No cyclone down our way *touch wood* , plenty of rain. 

That must've been a funky/odd experience... I guess in the end you get to realise that you weren't alone after all, even if it wasn't on a conscious level. And, hey, had it been on a conscious level then there'd always be the chance you would've jumped in a pool of misery together, turned into two emo boys and make out at random intervals for a shockdoc register - alright, my mind might've wandered a bit there. Point is; it could've been grande, it could've been bland, and yeah; you won't get a big-deal answer on that one. Always the chance to bring up memories together and look at them from a different point of view though; relive the experience a bit in a more conscious way. 

Quote from: Dianna on April 02, 2010, 02:39:11 AM
Yes we got a good education.  Ours used to carry a leather strap, god it hurt- 4 or 6 on the hands and we behaved.

No cyclone down our way *touch wood* , plenty of rain. 

I remember a spelling contest, if you fail in the first round you get one strap. In the second two ad infinitum I stupidly was in the last round. Fifteen,  music was the next lesson, I was supposed to play violin, I couldn't pick one up. When asked by the female teacher I showed her my hands, she complained to the headbrother, to whom I was sent, who very kindly allowed my to cool my hands on his thing.  I think, some of these memories have been regressed and are only coming back by psych help. I do fully remember his anger because I could not close my hands around him. He had raped me earlier in the week so he couldn't do much else, I was too torn.


Sorry people I've been going through some intensive therapy. I need to express myself some time and release it.  I'm hoping that some stuff is useful; AND if you have been abused it make take a LONG time to accept it. IT is NOT your fault. Seek help

During my university years, as part of my reparative therapy I attended a church where I became a lay preacher and a bible study group leader.

When a few years later everything fell apart and I decided that I was going to have to go back to the female role in which I had lived most of my childhood (Age 5 to 18) I rather dramatically came out to my bible study group.

Everyone was shocked - but none more so than me, when after the meeeting, my deputy, at the time a guy named Ian, came to me and told me that he was also trans.

We were both postop women within two years, although we lost touch soon afterwards.

Quote from: CindyJames on April 02, 2010, 03:48:25 AM
Sorry people I've been going through some intensive therapy. I need to express myself some time and release it.

That's all right, dear.  Pour it out.  Get it out here in the open where its rottenness will dry up and wither instead of festering and stinking within.

Quote from: CindyJames on April 02, 2010, 03:48:25 AM
I'm hoping that some stuff is useful; AND if you have been abused it make take a LONG time to accept it. IT is NOT your fault. Seek help

This is something that is very hard to get over.  As children everything is our fault.  We internalize it.  But bad people do bad things to good kids.

*holding-on-tight hugs*
Kate

Quote from: Arch on April 01, 2010, 10:56:34 PMPebbles, have you tried to find your friend on Facebook or Google? You might find out something.

Yes but I only know of the boys first and second name... Either they are simply not on Google/Myspace/Facebook or they are no longer using that name. They would have transitioned early if my speculation was correct.