I keep reading various threads on here that get into doing things whether being pre-op or post-op. I start wishing I was post-op so I could feel more comfortable going to the beach in a bikini, changing in the dressing room at the gym, or simply knowing that it sounds right when I pee. I get my usual feelings of sadness that I can't do those things without having to keep things well hidden. Then I realize...I'm post-op now! No longer will I be self-conscious about these things and more. I have no more barriers now, and that's a very freeing thought.
Now that I've gotten that little rant out of the way, back to business. Yesterday got much better with the pain until later that night. Around midnight I was given 2 more pain pills and was able to get to bed. However, I woke up around 4:30am hot, out of breath, and in pain. I scrambled downstairs and went onto the porch for some fresh air. I tried calming my breathing and started to feel a bit better. I asked the nurse for some Tylenol. After a few minutes, and many glasses of water, I was well enough again to go back upstairs and fall asleep. I woke up this morning with slight pain, mainly caused by the need to "pee." Those who have had the surgery know why I put that in quotes, lol.
It seems the pain overall is getting better, it's mostly painful when I first get up out of bed or when sitting for any length of time. I have found the right spot to sit on the donut now, so the discomfort there is minimal now. I should be getting a better one today, it's one of those neck pillows instead, and I'm told it's a lot more comfortable.
This morning I was awoken by a nurse who needed to take the usual measurements. I had to wait until she was done before I could go pee, which was uncomfortable. The measurements have been good and I am told I am healing well. I'll be getting the packing out tommorrow, which should make it a little less painful as well. On Monday I get the stent out and start dilating. By then I'm hoping the pain is much better. The next day, Tuesday, I get the catheter out and it'll be all me down there, save for some stitches that'll fall out over time. I can't wait until everything is out and I am free from the confines of all this packing and pads and other stuff. I can't wait until I am pain free and can enjoy the new me instead of being on pins and needles hoping the pain doesn't start again. I'm only a few days, maybe weeks, away from that time, but for now I'll revel in the knowledge that I'm finally past the worst part.
So in my last update I mentioned the choices people make. There was a woman here who arrived a couple days before me. Her surgery was scheduled for that Monday, along with another girl. She was nice, a bit less feminine then one would expect but we come in all flavors. She was British, had short hair and a husky voice. I enjoyed talking to her. She was due to go to the hospital on Sunday. That night I came down from my room to wish her luck with the surgery and was told she had already left. Well, I'll be able to see her at the hospital, I thought. It was then when I was told she didn't leave for the hospital, but left entirely. She had a family and children, ones who are apparently not happy with her decisions. For them, she left. For them she paid an enormous fee for surgery, only to skip out on it the day before. I was told this is her third time doing this. She had paid three times, and three times now has relinquished her needs in favor of the wants of her family. You could call it a brave sacrifice, or an unjustly compromise.
Another girl here, an older lady, arrived the day after me and was scheduled for her surgery the same day as me. She was my surgery buddy, her name is Lisa. We got to talking about various trans things, as happens when a group of trans people come together. The impending surgery was of course the main topic of discussion. In the midst of talking, it came to my knowledge that she was only having a partial SRS, some call it a cosmetic SRS. She said she chose that route because she didn't expect to ever use the vagina and would rather have less pain than more function. I found this very interesting, slightly discomforting when applied to myself, but whatever makes her happy. That is all any of us are looking for...happiness. The route may be different, but the goal remains the same.
I've had enough experiences so far to last a year, and I still have a week to go. People are starting to dwindle and I'm not sure if a new batch will be arriving this weekend. The hospital is taking a long Easter holiday and they may have decided to put off surgeries for next week, but we'll see.
~Sarah
