Hi there

My name is Andii and I am new to Susans.  I did a general introduction yesterday but thought it might be better to post something here as well. Please be patient with me as I am struggling to find the right words.

I am in my 30's and up until a few weeks ago I never felt the need to analyse myself or 'label' myself. I have always known that I don't typically fit into any specific box 100% of the time, sometimes male, sometimes female, mostly neither and this is a-ok with me...also a small part of me has always assumed that all people think this way.

I have been reading and reading and whilst I know that this is the right area for me, I really don't know which sub area I fit into. I seem to tick boxes in different areas. I don't like labels...I don't need them but I think it will help those near and dear t me to understand me a little better.

I was born female, have always presented female but mentally I can 'float' between female, male and 'just being me'...no gender specified. Like right at the moment I am 'just me' neither male or female, but that could change in a heartbeat depending on the situation. Mentally I am not a girly girl...I just don't get them, and I am neither a man's man. I just am.

My physical appearance does not and needs not reflect which gender I am at any given time. Out of the home you would see me as a very feminine blonde haired, blue eyed, well dressed lady who loves fashion and being well turned out. For me it's like being a wolf dressed in sheeps clothing. This is comfortable for me as I feel in control. Being male and dressed this way doesn't bother me.  It can confuse the hell out of some people, men either feel threatened by a 'strong' woman or consider me to be 'one of the boys'. With women I am usually the organiser and decision maker, the one everyone turns to. At home I usually still dress well but opt more for clothing that is neither this nor that...actually I love comfy pj's!

I have always been attracted to males who have a feminine side, but am not attracted to females. Arrgghhh is this making any sense?

So far I have looked at bi-gender, two spirited and null gender. Is it possible to be a combination of these?

Anyway I look forward to hearing opinions and suggestions.

Andii xx

Hi Andii 
Alternating between masculine and feminine mental states is Bigender.
Experiencing masculine and feminine states, along with a third gender-null or gender-neutral mental state is Tri-gender.
Tri-gender is not a label, it's simply a descriptive term.
You may feel 'Genderfluid' is a better term to use if the gender changes you experience are not abrupt.

-Emerald 

In addition to what emerald said, I'm thinking genderqueer

Hello Andii, I can relate to you a bit. I don't really like labels because there isn't really one that fits completely. The only label I identify with is human. You don't have to attach yourself to a label. Those that are close to you shouldn't need a label to better understand you either.

It's possible to be a combination of anything. If those are the labels you feel you identify as then go for it. If you find that later on you feel like those labels don't fit you then let go of them.

Labels are almost like stickers, you can stick as many of them on and peel as many of them off and some may just fall off on their own. But they have to stick to something and that something is you and even if you don't have any label you're still you. Did that make sense? I don't know because it's 2:30am now.

Anyway, welcome. *huggles*

Let me take out my box of no_id's ultra extraordinary super phantastical self discovery supplements!
Now right here I have a few potions that may interest you; 'Grass Blue Manana', 'Water Purple Bebbel' and 'Green Sky Wilawuwawa'.
Feel free to consume them, rub them on your skin or water the plants with them - please - also feel free to mix them, toss them around and switch their labels - since frankly I have no clue what they can, could, would, should, or will do...

Now, onto the serious part: welcome Andii!
It seems like you have made a start with pinpointing who (or what) you are exactly. 'Androgyne' is already one big step although it can feel natural; a replacement for 'just me'.  What I suggest is the following; don't worry about the subs at this point at time, I'll throw out the now-becoming-famous quote; "Careful, you tend to become what you read." It will come to you on its own while you read and reply along old and new threads. Things will apply to you, other things won't, and through that mingle you'll figure out who (which sub group) you feel most associated with. In the end you might even lose the interests to define yourself through a sub-label..

Hi Jaden, Considering the time, it did make perfect sense. I too often say 'I am human'..I mean, isn't that enough?!?!

Andii 

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Post Merge: April 04, 2010, 04:31:34 AM

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Touché no_id!
You are absolutely right. One of the reasons why I have steered clear of finding a label up until now...therapist makes enough money off me as it is without adding fuel to the fire.

Andii x

Androgyne does seem to be a pretty large and comfortable box to sit in before attempting to fit in anything tighter - you may decide you don't need to. Any which way - 'ello.

Hi there Pica,

Thanks for the message and I do feel comfortable being here under this huge umbrella. 

Andii x

Like Pica said you don't need to find a perfect small box for you to fit in if the Androgyne umbrella feels to big then it is time to find something more specific and only because you feel the need to I personaly find concepts easier to use then labels YMMV

Andii -

You'll have plenty of time to find the labels that you like and that will eventually apply to you. They are certainly not necessary for susans. If androgyne fits, fine. Susan's is a good place to chat with others, and find your space. Pull up a chair

Since i discovered that i'm genderfluid some number of years ago, i'm STILL discovering different dimensions about this thing, and who i am, and what fits best. So it can take awhile.

Andii, I have a friend who is terrified of labels and boxes. My daughter remarked that there's one box in which he fits perfectly, and that box is labelled "[his name], today".

"Genderqueer" is convenient, "human" is great. "Andii, today" sounds pretty good too.

Minniemouse...you are absolutely spot on, Andii is just fine for today.

Riven and Kinkly, thanks for the messages. I am just really happy to have found a place where I can speak openly and honestly. It's reassuring that everyone's journey is different and there seems to be no right and wrong.

Andii x

Quote from: Andii on April 04, 2010, 10:55:11 PM
Minniemouse...you are absolutely spot on, Andii is just fine for today.

Riven and Kinkly, thanks for the messages. I am just really happy to have found a place where I can speak openly and honestly. It's reassuring that everyone's journey is different and there seems to be no right and wrong.

Andii x

Being true to you whatever that is,  is always right but there is no wrong.  At least not here in the Androgyne area of Susan's

Hi Andii,

Labels are really good in supermarkets . Never found them much use anywhere else. And after my one trip to a Japanese supermarket the labels made no sense any way

Just join in a be part of the gang.

Oh and Welcome my new friend, I'm Cindy and have been known to be occasionally friendly


Cindy

Hi Cindy,

Nice meet you! I am happy being part of the gang...I feel like I fit in.

Labels hmmm..I find they are particularly helpful on wine bottles! 
But then again I have had some amazing wines from the 'skins' bin too.

Andii x

I am probably a bit late to the welcoming comittee, but yes, welcome! 
You have plenty of time to figure stuff out. I always feel terrible trying to describe myself to other people because labels are so reductionist (and the ones I 'fit' best are so obscure as to be practically useless anyway), so I've given up on all but the most general of them...
I COULD think of something witty to add if I really wanted to (honestly!) but it's 4:31 and I need to be up tommorrow. Excuses, excuses. 

Quote from: Andii on April 04, 2010, 12:44:30 AM
I have always been attracted to males who have a feminine side, but am not attracted to females. Arrgghhh is this making any sense?

I totally get this I was attracted to females who has a manly side but not attracted to males at all but have realized through my exploring that I'm attracted mostly to Females with a strong Manly side or gender queer people or F2M with a slight attraction to M2Fs and no attraction to cis Males
who I'm attracted to hasn't changed but as I've met people as I search who I am my eyes have opened to a wide range of people That I've found myself attracted to.

Hi Fenrir & Ativan,

Thanks for dropping by and saying g'day. Yep...I'm an Aussie (don't hold that against me tho).

Kinkly, I am starting to see how folks like us can be attracted to various gender identities. Up until to a few weeks ago I had only permitted myself to be attracted to certain 'types'. Up to now I have never given this much consideration but am happy to say that I am open minded enough now and have started exploring....Interesting times ahead!

Andii x

Andii what part of Aussie land are you in I'm in Brisbane area

Hey Kinkly, how's it going?
I'm from Brisvegas as well.
Was born in Bris, moved to Fraser Coast when I was 2 and stayed there until I hatched a plan to escape. Spent the next 6 or so years travelling Oz and then went back to Bris. Now, I spend a lot of my time out of Oz due to work.