Last night was the best night's sleep I've had in days. I only woke up once and the pain was manageable and I was able to fall back asleep without having any more pain meds. I woke up this morning and took less pain meds than usual. I felt good enough that I stayed downstairs to chat with the other girls until breakfast time. My apetite has also returned. With the pain, my apetite decreased for some reason as well. This morning I ate a bowl of fruit, had a banana, an English muffin, and three waffles. It was tasty.

Dr. Brassard came by this morning to check on us. He hasn't been here since Friday due to the long holiday. He came to my room to check on everything. I asked him a couple questions and he told me I'm healing well and it will turn out well. I had a few concerns that turned out to be normal.

I got the catheter out this morning as well. The nurse had a little trouble getting the saline out. For some reason it wasn't coming out, but after a little tweaking it started flowing out. After that was done, she began removing the catheter. She told me to take a deep breath and then to release it, pulling it out as I exhaled. It was slightly painful, kind of like a stinging feeling. It only lasted a few seconds, and then it was just a slight stinging feeling for a few minutes. Overall the experience wasn't the worst I've had.

This is slightly embarrassing, but in my quest for honesty and full disclosure I've made a commitment for full details. So the past couple of days I haven't been able to have a bowel movement. It's one of the worst feelings out of everything I've endured here, since you constantly feel bloated and constipated. So this morning I was given a suppository to aid me in having a bowel movement, and to be frank, I can't wait until I do to alleviate this constipation. It's almost worse than the pain. The feeling of being given a suppository is pretty aweful, and it doesn't really get better until [hopefully] I have the bowel movement. Ok, that's all I'll go into this subject.

It's a great feeling now having nothing down there, no padding, dressing, catheter, nothing. It feels so open and exposed. I feel it's going to completely change how I feel in public now that I have nothing there. I can now go about more confident knowing there's nothing to distinguish me from any other girl, more comfortable now that my clothes will fit better, but also more aware of the possibility of bad things happening now that I'm penetrable. All in all I think this will open up the last set of barriers that have been blocking the full enjoyment of this life.

~Sarah

Quote from: SarahR on April 06, 2010, 10:25:12 AM

It's a great feeling now having nothing down there, no padding, dressing, catheter, nothing. It feels so open and exposed. I feel it's going to completely change how I feel in public now that I have nothing there. I can now go about more confident knowing there's nothing to distinguish me from any other girl, more comfortable now that my clothes will fit better, but also more aware of the possibility of bad things happening now that I'm penetrable. All in all I think this will open up the last set of barriers that have been blocking the full enjoyment of this life.

~Sarah

Personally, I think the psychology may be an even bigger change than the surgery itself.

Has the surgery left you feeling physically weaker?

Kristyn - You know, I can't exactly tell of the physical strength loss at this point since I'm still too sore down there to even attempt anything at all. As for things like how tired I am and get throughout the day, I see a slight increase in my tiredness, but I really feel it's due more to the fact that I'm stuck in this house lying in bed more than actual strain from having the surgery. I am completely alert to everything and will probably be fine walking all around Vegas when I'm going in a month, for example. The most dibilitating thing is not tiredness or weakness...it's the fear. The fear of doing too much and possibly straining the area down there too much. It feels a lot like when I used to tuck, it has a pulling and tugging sensation that makes it seem like anything you do will pull it out of place, which is why I walk around with a slight hunch these days until it heals more, lol.

Valerie - I am still stuck somewhere in the middle of belonging anywhere. I definitely don't belong in the male category, as far as genitals go, but I find it hard yet to completely see it as female either. Right now it's a wound, it hurts, it's swollen, and I can't see it totally as what's it's going to be. I suspect that the fact that I am in a hospital setting, with nurses all around tending to that area still has somewhat to do with my lack of perception of it. I expect that when I leave here and venture into the public, that's when my mind will shift and I will no longer see it as a wound, but as my new genetalia, one that matches who I am.

As for the dilation schedule, here it is:

1 month:
- #1, #2 for 5, 15 mins., respectively.

2 months:
- #1, #2, #3 for 5, 10, 15 mins., respectively.

3 months:
- #2, #3, #4 for 5, 10, 15 mins., respectively.

6 months:
- #3, #4 for 5, 15 mins., respectively.

After the last 6 month period, slowly increase the interval of time between dilations until you're at once per week with #4 for 15 mins. for the rest of your life.

I am happy to be staying 3 extra days to allow a little more healing. However, I would not want to stay here anymore than a few days since there are so many things to do. If you are neither at the residence with the nurses constantly tending to you, or at your house with all you need available, I could see it going downhill fast. There is so much to do throughout the day that stating at some hotel or bed and breakfast for an extended stay is not advisable. Don't worry about the length of the drive home. As long as you can get one or two dilations in before you leave, they tell you to do your travel and only do one dilation when you get home, then just rest. Staying an extra week or two without the nurses or the comfort of your own home is not something I could imagine doing this soon after the surgery. My biggest fault in this has been to not realize just how much goes into recovery.

I would recommend you buy a neck pillow. I use both often, since they both work better in different situations. If you are staying any length of time after leaving the residence you'll need everything they supply here to keep up with the maintenance. This includes bed pads, tons and tons of extra panties (large ones), lots of panti liners or gauze (I like gauze better, it's more comfortable), antibacterial soap, hand sanitizer, ice packs, a container to hold the dilators, the solution that goes into that container, lubricant, polysporin, baby wipes, and the list goes on. I am staying 3 days past and I have none of that so I'm seeing how to go about getting it. There's so much stuff.

~Sarah

Quote from: SarahR on April 06, 2010, 01:02:55 PM
it has a pulling and tugging sensation that makes it seem like anything you do will pull it out of place, which is why I walk around with a slight hunch these days until it heals more, lol.

Yeah that bit made me smile - I kind of lived with a faint residual of that feeling until I had my recent revision. It got a lot less noticeable once the swelling goes down but in my case never quite entirely went away until after the rework.

Hopefully for you, with a better and more modern surgeon than my MK.1 surgery, things will be different and once you heal you will reach the place where I am now where it all feels entirely natural.

Glad you came through it all ok. Safe journey home!

Quote from: SarahR on April 06, 2010, 01:02:55 PM

...and tons of extra panties (large ones)

So, even if I wear a small I should buy LARGE ones?  Large is huge!!!

Yes...large. Maybe even extra large. Trust me. You will not want anything clinging too much to the area. Plus with all the padding and things, the space WILL get filled up. In any case, that's only if you are staying beyond the required time at the residence. They provide everything you need and I find everything they provide extremely adequate. Also, make sure you absolutely bring at least one full length gown, more if possible. Shorts, pants, sweats, any of that is so much more inconvenient.

That's really all you can focus on before you're actually here is the philosophical aspect of this. I find it difficult being in the midst of it to get beyond the healing and here-and-now aspect. As you can see, my schedule doesn't allow for any time to think philisophically, haha.

~Sarah

I love hearing about your journey Sarah and am really happy for you.

I was kind of aprehensive about dialating, but your schedule looks really manageable in the long run.

Thank you for sharing!

Nicki
xx

On a personal note, I would love to have been there going through with you.  I long to post my own story.

Dilation is now your god.  Worship often. 

And I understand the physiological aspect of the need.  For me it would be a completion.  The need can be come consuming.  You would have made it and I wish you all the best.

Soon we will have Valerie and Kate's adventures to live vicariously through.

Yeah, I should also mention then to not buy anything you plan on keeping after this. Expensive PJs...no way. Wear those in a month after you get back. For the recovery get some cheap gowns that you don't mind getting blood, lubricant, food, drink, etc. on. Recovery is a messy thing. You'll thank me in 16 days. I'm starting the clock now :-) I'll wait, lol.

Janet - I hope your dream comes true one day, I'm sure it will. I think your idea of planning for it by getting everything set for it (ie. electrolysis, letters, etc.) is a good idea. That is the best motivation to find a way to get the last piece of the puzzle.

~Sarah

Quote from: Valeriedances on April 06, 2010, 04:08:22 PM


And extra large undies? OMG.

I don't even think that my waist would even hold them up!!!

Haha I hate Granny panties but I guess I'll have to suck it up

Quote from: MsGiselle on April 06, 2010, 04:52:47 PM
Haha I hate Granny panties but I guess I'll have to suck it up

Here you go

I'm thoroughly enjoying the play by play too, it's nice to get an idea of what to expect. Though my surgeon is McGinn and not Brassard, I'm sure a lot of the experience will be very similar.

Valerie, I've noticed that as the time draws nearer I'm getting very reflective about the whole transition process, and what life will be like afterward- that is, how I will feel differently than I do now, beyond the obvious things of clothes fitting better and stuff. I guess you could say the RLT long ago stopped being a T and is now just RL. I find it hard to even remember life as it was before. It's always who we've been inside, but that final step aligning body with soul seems very Zen to me, and I look forward to it with all my heart.

I'm so glad you're doing so well Sarah, and thank you for sharing this with all of us.

Hang in there, Sarah, it sounds like you are doing very well. The pain should be subsiding very soon.

As for the drive vs. fly decision, that to me is a no-brainer. I would definitely fly!
I was exhausted in the Montreal airport just trying to get around with my bags. A 1-2 day drive back to Florida, while you should still be dilating 4 times a day is not practical. For women in the New York or New England area, driving might be ok, but Florida, no way!

As for sticking around, I couldn't wait to get on the plane and get home. Recovery at home in your own place will be much easier than in a hotel room.

When I had my FFS in LA a couple of years ago, I would not have minded sticking around. I was having fun out there, and the recovery/pain wasn't a factor 2 weeks out. With my GRS, I was still physically recovering for at least 2 months.

Good luck everyone!

Julie, you're absolutely right. That's why this morning I changed my flight so I'm leaving tommorrow. I completely agree about FFS. I had it done in San Fransisco and drove there...meaning I had to drive the 7-8 hours back as well. That was no problem at all. FFS was sooooo much easier than SRS and I suspect my recovery will take a while too.

I also agree with you about driving. I didn't notice it was Florida. Another girl here did have someone drive her back to New York, but Florida is just way too far to drive back.

~Sarah