i know i, almostr never on here anymore but please help ,e ive been dreaming about shooting myself in the groin all day everyday these past few months i need this to st op

Jaded, this sounds very serious. Please don't hurt yourself. Are you still seeing a therapist? Even if you're not, can you get help from him or her, maybe make an emergency appointment? Or even call a suicide hotline if the urge is strong right now.

I haven't had bottom surgery, and I find comfort in packing. Without it, I feel wrong, naked, malformed. If you have any little "crutches" that have helped you in the past, dig 'em out.

packing makes me even more depressed

If you mean dreaming, literally, then you should relax.
Dreams sometimes allow us to live out things that we will never do in real life.