I've been full time almost two years now and post op almost a year.  But things changed most for me after GRS, mentally that is.

I've gotten back into woodworking again.  And I'm finding I'm really enjoying it now, more than ever before.  I'm taking on projects that I used to think were too involved or put too much stress on me (cuz of time constraints). 

When I tried to figure out what the difference was I realized things just seem easier now.  I don't struggle like I used to.  I don't get frustrated like I did before. 

And I realized my mind is clearer now.  All those feelings that took up so much time and energy have been resolved.

When I was trying to explain this to a non-TG, I came up with the swarm of bees theory.  Before I transitioned I was constantly batting away a swarm of bees that was trying to sting me.  As long as I was awake, the swarm surrounded me, sometimes they were vicious, sometimes tolerable because I had become used to the stings.  But, no matter what, it was exhausting trying to keep from being stung.

So I told her with all these TG feelings being unresolved it was like a swarm of bees was trying to sting me and it made even the simplest things difficult when these feelings welled up inside me.  She seemed to understand.

Since then I've told the bees theory to a number of people and now, when trying to explain why I was different before I just respond with, "It was the bees."

They seem to get it now.

It seems the best way to explain going through GID is with metaphor since many can't understand having gender not match physically.

I describe it with playing cards, one  represents gender the other birth sex. When everything is lined up right you can barely see the seam where the 2 meet as they make a straight line. But when you suffer from GID they are turned at opposite angles.

I have been trying to find away to explain GID.  And I like the way you explain it, Julie.

I will have to remember that. 

I used to be a programmer.  (Systems analyst, actually.)  I was very good at concentrating on the problem at hand and shutting everything else out.  But I was also poor at keeping more than one thing in my mind at once.

Now I have no trouble multi-tasking.  I explained to a friend that I think part of my brain was always monitoring my movements and behavior to make sure I was passing as a man.  Now I don't bother and just am the woman I am.  It's like I have all this extra monitoring capacity freed up so I can remember my shopping list and the things I have to do and people's names and their stories and be chatty and friendly while thinking about other things.  Who knew?

I'd heard there'd been a bee die-off, but I didn't think it would affect me so profoundly.

- Kate

I'm so happy for you, Julie. I have see how you have grown so much. I love your analogy of a swarm of bees. Congratulations on being fulltime.

Gennee

That's a really brilliant analogy, I certainly now what you mean...there are some days where I just can't seem to function at all and all I want to do is sit in absolute silence, not even wanting to move.

So glad things are better for you now hun.

I know exactly what you are talking about. i have that swarm of bees everyday constantly. but i do not want and do not plan on ever having a sex change. what it is i think is testosterone. its not easy being a man. I do not want a sex change though.

I like that analogy, I can certainly relate. I think I will use it with others (if it is okay with you, that is.)

Yesterday I again pulled a wire loose from the little tire pump I carry on my motorcycle.  It is something I cobbled together from various parts, making it as small as possible.

This time, instead of soldering the wire back on I decided to rewire it properly.  I gathered my supplies and tools and worked steadily and thoughtfully, in no hurry, doing a far better job than before.  I tested it and put everything away.  When I was done I realized I hadn't worked like that – relaxed and unhurried – for many years. 

Julie, I think the bees have left me, too.

- Kate

Quote from: K8 on March 31, 2010, 11:17:53 AMJulie, I think the bees have left me, too.

- Kate

It's a great feeling, isn't it?

I still have one that is buzzing around me.  I swat it away, but it comes back.  One day it will leave me alone.

All i can say is- its a good job i like honey

Quote from: Osiris on February 26, 2010, 03:05:28 PM
It seems the best way to explain going through GID is with metaphor since many can't understand having gender not match physically.

^ This.

I like the analogy ideas. They can really help illustrate things.

Julie,
I offered your Swarm of Bees Theory to two friends this weekend – a GG my age and a gay man in his early twenties.  They both love it.  The man really got into it and said he's going to start using it to explain how he was before he came out.

I think you're onto something here.

- Kate

Happy to hear that Kate.  It's worked pretty well for me and Juliekins too. 

I told it to my daughter and even my ex and both said it makes sense and they now understand better why I was so easily distracted before.  It's hard to concentrate when a swarm of bees is chasing you! 

But really, I'm still amazed at how much I can get done now, even at my age!  And my thinking is so much clearer - clear mind, clearer thinking.

Oh dear...
...swarm of bees...?

...so what am I to do with the large pink elephant that is still following me around? 

Chrissty

Quote from: Chrissty on April 13, 2010, 03:21:18 PM
Oh dear...
...swarm of bees...?

...so what am I to do with the large pink elephant that is still following me around? 

Chrissty

Ask it where the alcohol is stored?

I will definitely keep this in mind the next time my parents say that they just can't understand why I want to change my body.

Introduce the pink elephant to the white elephant they have in dept stores?  Good excuse to go shopping maybe.

Any excuse to go shopping is a good excuse.