Thank You Nero

That is a lot of what I have been putting in my journal. Remember my brother to do the same. Take care.

Cindy

At times I'm a little bummed out I didn't get to go through my younger years properly.  However there is a part of me that is glad I didn't have to deal with all the petty crap teenage girls deal with on a daily basis.  I didn't have to worry about body image issues because some dress didn't fit the way it did on the model.  Talk to any gg and she'll probably tell you her teens were the most miserable and awkward years of her life.  I didn't know I had GID back then.  Sure I would have given anything to have been born a girl but I thought every boy had the same feelings I did.  So I did what any guy does: I sucked it up and didn't talk about it.  Had I once been able to tell my parents "I don't want to be a boy," I might have transitioned earlier and lived more of my years as a girl.  Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I could have started at the age of 12.  I'll never know because I waited, not knowing there was a problem.  Sure I regret the physical changes a brought about by a male puberty.  But there is one thing I managed to avoid: learning to deal with problems in that passive aggressive manner I see a lot of women do.

Ashley, believe me when I say I really understand how you feel.  Lord knows, I feel that way too ... probably even more than you do.  No, I'm not trying to compete.  It's just that I'm very much older than you are. 

I was your age in ... hold your breath ... late 1976!  Those were the Renee Richards days.  Because of your youth, you may not know who Renee Richards (Dr. Richard Raskind before her transition) is.  She was the most well-known transsexual around when I was your age.

Even back then, way before that even, I knew, deep down inside, that I was transgendered.  Things were very, very, very different then.  Believe me on that one.  Anyway, I'll get right to the point.

This very day, I have been on hormone replacement therapy for exactly 4 months.  I began HRT on 14 December 2009 (first FULL day on 15 December 2009).  I had just turned 54 years old ... sigh!

TALK ABOUT LOST TIME !!!

It's all relative.  Do all of us here understand your resentment?  Certainly!  Do we feel for you?  You bet!  Do we want you to be happy?  I know I do.  Time will heal all.  As you go further into your transition, just enjoy it and be glad about it!  At age 21, You've got so, so much to look forward to ... AS YOUR TRUE SELF!

Maybe this didn't help much, but know this:  All of us here are cheering for you! 

Enjoy your life!

LL     

I saw Kim at a German TV Show (Stern TV) in which she talked about her surgery and her life after transsition-

Quote from: Ashley4214 on April 12, 2010, 05:30:12 AM
The problem is it STILL hurts. It's not my feelings of gender that I need to deal with, it's my feelings of loss for having ignored it as long as I did.

It doesn't matter why your past is the way it is - that's a simple fact. Go on from where you are and make the rest of your life YOUR life!

I was 24 (36 years ago) before I 'transitioned' because there was no SRS. Yes, sometimes it hurts that you got short-changed but don't let that destroy your future.

I feel you Ashley 100%, I'm there right now... its like it was easier when I still had some way of ignoring it and pushing the feelings to the side.  Like the first day I.accepted it and decided to start transition, it meant my past was worthless to a certain extent and I really started to hate myself... like why didn't I just say what I felt when I was younger? Why did I hide it? I'm apk mad at myself...

I'm 25 and I've only been on hrt for 7 weeks and I deal with constant anxiety and depression still having to be a boy at work and well, in general... I'm out to everybody except coworkers and I thought that would help... nope... its just the being a boy thing... being masculine with facial hair, body hair, and a deep.voice .  I hope this.feeling of hate towards myself fades as transition becomes more real and I can accept my past instead of still living in it

Let me know if you ever figure it out.Ashley... I find being patient very difficult right now