I have some questions for you men and ladies out there who are established in a career for several years. I'll be presenting my letter, package and HR book to my manager next week. She may be O.K. with it, but the boss is an ultra-conservative religious man who freaks out over the slightest things. To call him a drama queen would be an understatement. So, I'm preparing for the worst.

My question is this. After your name change and gender change on your DL (which I plan to do before working at a new place so I can go stealth) how did you handle your references?

I will of course contact them and let them know, I'm just concerned about name and gender changes. What if they forget my new name and slip up on the gender? Is there a way that's effective to help your references better remember these things? I live in a not very tolerant state- trans people even have no rights or protection! Therefore I'd like to go stealth. If that doesn't work out then I guess I'll move out of this non-trans friendly hell hole.

Anyway, any advice, tips or experience would be nice.

the boss is an ultra-conservative religious man who freaks out over the slightest things. To call him a drama queen would be an understatement.

You might only be at work 8 hours a day, five days a week - but having someone like this as your boss will quickly make the rest of your life as much of a living hell as the job will become.

Radar... This is an excellent question that I've been concerned about myself. I look forward to reading the responses.

When I transitioned on the job, HR took care of the name and gender change.  I was even told that if I had problems to contact her and she would handle it.  The only problems I had was the occasional wrong pronoun, but it was handled right there by an "Excuse Me!?!".  The offender would correct themselves.

As for the ultra-conservative religious boss, you pay your dues with him.  And if they are not trans-friendly then they lose a good employee.  Depending on your state or country, you may have legal recourse.

I could think of no other way to handle my references than tell them what was going on, and hope for the best.

Luckily it all worked out - but you've sure as hell going to need references you can trust.

If you have to take the creative route, just make sure you cover your bases. People check things in way more depth than you'd ever expect these days.

Disclaimer : I am in a government owned entity in a very trans-friendly place, so my situation is very different. As such, my comments may be completely useless.

Quote from: tekla on April 20, 2010, 10:02:12 AM
the boss is an ultra-conservative religious man who freaks out over the slightest things. To call him a drama queen would be an understatement.

You might only be at work 8 hours a day, five days a week - but having someone like this as your boss will quickly make the rest of your life as much of a living hell as the job will become.

True. I've been there over 2.5 years and he doesn't bother me much anyway (which I'm glad of). In fact we barely talk at all. He has other employees he gets on and uses as therapists (no joke). I've always gotten the impression he feels uncomfortable or intimidated around me. Others have said so too.

If they are O.K. with my transitioning and if they keep me I have a feeling he'll become even more uncomfortable around me and spend even less time with me. That would be a good thing.

---

Post Merge: April 20, 2010, 03:53:42 PM

---

Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 20, 2010, 10:16:30 AMWhen I transitioned on the job, HR took care of the name and gender change.

I'm not so concerned about the name and gender change at current work, that would get taken care of. I'm more concerned about past references for jobs forgetting the new info.

Sadly there's no HR where I work. There's my manager and another manager who is over other people. I guess I'll have to depend on them but I doubt much discipline would be done. If so I can take care of things myself.

This is just my two cents (and barely that, since I've never had an actual job).  If you aren't stealth or planning to be stealth with your employers, then it won't really matter what your reference calls you.  What matters most is the quality of the reference. 

Adio,

Once a company has time invested in you, you have more freedom to be yourself. Before you are hired as in an interview, references, school records, ID etc, you are fighting for a position along with a lot of others. You want NO detail to be a possible reason for not being hired. It gets worse if you are transsexual as that alone can be cause to not hire or fire.

Hi Radar,
I know I will not much help but it depends from job to job, state to state and country to country. In Australia, at least in my state, it is illegal to discriminate against TG people. Go to jail pay a fine or whatever. What legal protection actually helps is a moot point. I employ people regularly for a variety of jobs in my industry. If I don't "like" someone I can always find an excuse not to employ them on perfectly legal grounds.

The best thing you can do is be really good at your job. I don't fire good people. I fire the unsuccessful.  I know I may be in an usually tolerant situation. But I really don't give a damn about colour, sex, religion  or age. Although I have started to discriminate  against child bearing age females. This was after I emlpoyed one woman for a maternity backfill, who when she got the job said she  had become pregnant through IVF. I was not happy, two weeks into the job?  So I had to pay her maternity leave and back fill the position again. And she came back and got preggie (IVF) again, I've paid for her child support, and she is receiving child support from the Govn't leagllay

Sorry Radar this turned into a bit of a rant.
Please forgive me

Cindy

Quote from: LordKAT on April 21, 2010, 05:25:20 AMOnce a company has time invested in you, you have more freedom to be yourself.

Very true. Hopefully my company will be understanding and work with me. All I can do is be prepared, informative and have a positive outward appearance. I'm one of those people who always expects the worst so I like to prepare myself. It's a stressful mentality but, if the worst does happen, at least I'm not complacent and don't have a back-up plan.

Cindy, I live in the U.S. and the state and especially city I live in, sadly, has no protection or rights for trans people (Southern U.S. FTW!). Hell, the city- despite being a big city- has few trans resources. I've been thinking about moving... especially if I lose my job.

Quote from: LordKAT on April 21, 2010, 05:25:20 AM
Adio,

Once a company has time invested in you, you have more freedom to be yourself. Before you are hired as in an interview, references, school records, ID etc, you are fighting for a position along with a lot of others. You want NO detail to be a possible reason for not being hired. It gets worse if you are transsexual as that alone can be cause to not hire or fire.

I guess I'm still very idealistic at this age I do get what you're saying though.  I was just thinking if Radar was already going to be out, then the name or gender his reference used wouldn't matter.  They would know he's trans right off the bat, so they should have gotten past the hiring/firing automatically at that point.

I called and told my references about my transition, then crossed my fingers when they were called for a reference. I have no idea what they said or if they slipped up on pronouns, but that is easy to do. I am now on my second job since transition as a male and have not heard anything about it from anyone. I was fortunate to have co workers I could use as references who are open minded and were more than happy to give me a reference and really could care less about my gender.
Myles

Yeah Myles, I guess it just boils down to luck and hoping your references remember. Do you think a letter- something they can look at as a reminder- would help?

I am still in contact with my refrences. I send them an email everytime I get an interview with someone letting them know about the position and reminding them about my name and pronouns. it has all gone well so far.
Myles

I'm in a slightly awkward position job-wise. Both my references know that I'm transitioning, but until my psychiatrist appointment this Thursday, I'm stuck with a female legal name. Meanwhile I still need a second job, so I've been applying with my preferred name so I can present as male at an interview. Thankfully references are only taken up once a job's been offered, so I'd explain the deal at that point so new boss doesn't get a shock at my being referred to as "she".

I have been very lucky though; current boss is amazing and has even offered me a week off as the big day looms.

I transitioned on the job at 2 jobs so hopefully when I need references it won't be an issue.


Jay

Quote from: Nemo on April 26, 2010, 02:12:39 PM
until my psychiatrist appointment this Thursday, I'm stuck with a female legal name.

Hi Nemo

I know we're now past Thursday, so hopefully your appointment went well - but why were you stuck with a female legal name until then? In the UK, anyone can change their name to anything (as long as it's not obscene!) for any reason at all - there's no need to wait for someone else to approve it if you want to change your name!

Hi Nemo- we're all waiting to hear how it went

Update:
I had "the talk" with my manager yesterday and it went really well. I gave her the letter, transition package and HR book for her to go over. She did already have some understanding of trangender issues. In fact her sister taught at university and one of her MTF students went through transition then. Also this transwoman lived in the apartments my manager lived in too at the time.

I'm going to let her finish reading the transgender HR book, we'll get together with the owner and iron out my game plan. She seems to think most people will take it well at work. She said she wasn't surprised at the news at all and told me "I think you'll be surprised how many people won't be surprised". Thank God. I was starting to wonder if I worked with the most clueless people in the world. Instead they've been talking about it behind my back. I already knew that had to be going on anyway.

She laughed when she saw the title of the book contained "Diversity in the Workplace" because, even though we're in the US South, we have some real characters who work here. We're all crazy in some way. She believes that if I were to transition on the job the best company to do it would be here. She said my job's not at risk (hope it stays that way) and thinks the owner will be understanding. So, we'll see. It will get awkward for awhile but we're getting there.

Sounds like its gonna go really well for you. Fingers crossed that it does