Gabrielle,
Yes, the mind can be very powerful at times. It can be amazing what one can accomplish and what the brain can keep one from being able to accomplish. Please share this site with your specail S.O. When she is comfortable enough maybe she would share some of the things she is going through in her mind. Maybe the we can share how we handle our mentle demons. Being so General is all we can do at this point and not so sure that is always good because if we mention issues she isn't facing it could cloud what she is focusing on or stir up more. Addressing her issues in particular would be better I think.
How could they not see how much (___) means to me? Why do they say such hurtful things about(_____) don't they know I hurt too for what they imply or say? What makes it ok for them to think they can pick and choose whom, is going to be my life's partner? How can they think I can push an on and off button for my loving feelings toward(___)? How can this be painted so dirty or sinful and why should I feel guilty or shame if it feels so right? Many of these questions have been discussed here at Susan's S.O.'s Forum and more.
Let me start by say I think because of how we are raised and what were are taught and programed to believe to be right or wrong our life choices and our happiness are very much dependant on that back ground. That said let me address how others try to sway us because we are presenting them with some issues that make them have to grow and stretch their comfort zones. Because of this they lash out not wanting to have to face the pain of change and think if they can change us and our decissions then they won't have to change. Even at the threats of loosing us in their life, they are so confident in our feelings for them that they think we'll give in before they have to stretch and grow. Even with time of ostersizing when we are strong enough to out last them, they then come around sometimes. Not always though. That is where the strength of our back ground and experiences with someone can help you know how things might turn out.
This is also why they say the hurtful things, why they don't want to let you be happy at the expense of their growing. We must not lash back because this only drives them farther away. Words are a powerful thing in peoples minds. They nor you can take back what is said. Deep hurt is very hard to put out of ones mind.
All the above question's answers can hinge on the above statement about how one is raised and programmed. They too have been programmed. They too have what guides them in right and wrong. That's why it is uncomfortable to stretch and grow outside of ones comfort zone.
When we take this into concideration it is easier to concider the source and not be judgemental toward them and their reactions to our choices. When push comes to shove I think they really don't mean to be hurtful. Then once they have been they have a mountain of pride to overcome before they can makea single step toward reconciliation. This also makes it easier to allow them the space it takes to come around and step towrd understanding your feelings and issues.
I hope this will help in some way make her understand her own feelings and those of others. She will need to just trust in your love and christian relationships to see you through it all.
Smiles,
Peggiann
