First of all, Hellow to everyone here.

After doing a search, I found this forum. I'm a computer tech, so I always turn to the message boards for some advice. I work for a large nationally known company as their in house tech. Here is where I need some advice, since I don't know where else to turn to. I've been with this company for 5 years know. There is a girl that works in the accounting department that's been there for about 3 years. Ever since she started working there most people have said that she is a bit "Different", and I have to say I've said the same. She is pretty much a loner, keeping to herself, and just doing her job. One day I went to the lunch room as usual, but at a different time, late in the day. She was in there eating her lunch; I warmed up mine in the micro and sat down. It didn't take long for us to strike up a conversation. Even though she had been there close to a year already, I never really talked to her. Well to make a long story short, we talked for the whole lunch break. After that I started going to lunch whenever I could around that time. We would sit together and talk. Forward a year later and we have become pretty goods friends. We talk about all kinds of things; she is really a cool and easy going person. About six months ago she told me there was something she wanted to tell me. After talking for a while she came out and told me she was a transsexual. I was just speechless; I actually think I embarrassed her, because I just stayed quite. After that point, I thought about it all night until the next day. The next day when I saw her in the lunch room, I went over to talk to her. Actually to apologize for acting so strange when she told me her secret. I know it must have taken a lot of courage for her to come out and tell me that. I told her we would still be friends and that wouldn't change. Forward all this to the current day. Here is where my real problem begins; I'm starting to feel attracted to her. I really don't know if this is normal, or right, or wrong. I've been a male heterosexual my whole life who has only been with women. Is it wrong? Am I really gay and don't even know it? Or what am I really? I have never told her about this attraction because I just don't know what to do. More than anything she is a great person and I like her friendship. She has never been inappropriate towards me at all, although she once told me I was hot looking. I really admire her courage and determination. From what she has told me, these last 10 years have been a rough road.

ANY advice would be greatly appreciated, I just ... well, I'm lost.

THANKS, Robbie


If this is in the wrong forum, please move it to the right one.

Hello Robbie

While this site "is not generally sexually oriented. This site is for the discussion of issues related to gender and may include Transsexualism, Transvestism, Crossdressing, or other related topics." 

However, not being that experienced in the issue you raised, (there are those here who probably are) my only advice would be to go with your heart.  Be open and honest at all times, and see where it takes you.  You don't have to push anything, let nature take it's course, and don't worry about the labels, gay, hetro, etc... labels are for other people.

Chat later

Steph

hello Robbie,

               a transsexual like your friend is a female, is a woman so any attraction is heterosexual not homosexual. she is a woman who was born with a birth defect that left her with a male body. i don't mean to minimise the difficulty that you may have with that, and she has with it too. since she is transsexual and is living and working as a female she is in transition or has already transitioned. i would suggest just taking things slow just as i would with any female. she has been through hell and may be still experiencing the terrible effect of societies intolerance for gender difference. please be careful not to hurt her.

beth

If you are a man and this person is a woman then you are still heterosexual.

If you are questioning, could it be that you are more worried about your orrientation than hers?  Worried perhaps that IF her situation became known you would be viewed as a gay man?  Obiviously I can't speak for her but if she has been there this long and there are no company rumors floating around then there should be no problem at present.

Do understand there is no one that can remain totally unknown.  The best that those of us who are in or have tranistioned is funcitional stealth.

Life and living is not about what was, only what is.

Hi Robbie,

Well you came to the right place for sure. As the others have said, being attacted to her does not mean you are gay. You have come to know and feel freindship for a woman, plain and simple. Now comes the hard part.(No pun intended)

Did you feel this attraction before or after she told you? Some men, not many get very curious about a transexual woman and start wondering about, which leads to certain thoughts, which leads to, what may be, nothing more than a flight of fancy. The imagined is better than the reality, if you know what I mean.

Secondly she views you as a friend, and just because she paid you a compliment does not mean she is interested in something more. On the other hand she may have told you because she is interested in taking the relationship to a new level and wants you to know before anything goes any further.

Yet again she may be telling you because she belives her past may be catching up with her and she wanted you to know to protect the friendship. Whatever the case you shouldn't really entertain thoughts of an office romance with a TS any more than you should with a GG. They almost always end badly.

Don't give your sexuality another thought. Just leave yourslf open to the possibillities. Treat her with the same respect you allways have and be her friend for now, She might like you but that may be all. Take it slow.

Cassie

First off, I would like to thank all of you for your advice. I came on here not knowing what to expect and I have been treated like one of the family.

Many of you have brought up some excellent points that have really made me think. I have also done some research on what it is to be a transsexual person. I'll be the first to admit I knew nothing about transsexual's before I meet her. I feel much more educated now than I did before. She has never really talked to me about the specifics, but I understand how hard it has been for her. In my eyes I see her as a woman, no different than any other. Does this mean I'm ready to take it to the next step, I still don't know. It is true that relationships with coworkers are a very delicate situation. Now throw into that her special circumstances and I get a little tougher. If I only had one good quality, it would be my honesty. I can't sit and say I wouldn't be affected if my coworkers found out about her. The gossip of an office romance goes a long way. Who really knows how people would treat me or her, or both of us if the actual truth came out. Maybe all this is just a flight of fancy. Do I know for sure, of course not. Maybe I am scared because of my own sexuality; after all I've never been in this type of situation before. No matter what happens, I would like to keep the friendship intact. I know generally know from experience that friendships end when a relationship ends. I believe the general consensus from everyone here is to take it slow. I'm not going to rush into anything, but I really would like to know what her feelings are towards me. The only way I'm really going to know is to talk to her about it. Thankfully we've been able to talk about many different things so I might be able to get her to open up a little. I really have no problem at all if she tells me she just wants to be friends, after all she is my friend now. But what if she says she wants to be more than friends. WOW, again I have no answers.

Once again, THANKS for all your help. I'll keep you all posted on any further developments.

Peace & Love, Robbie