I can't believe I'm doing this - but here it goes.

Since I was a little boy I had the realization that I wanted to be a girl - but not in a girly sense. I've always loved sports, played football and other sports. But even though I enjoy watching and playing those things - I know I am in the wrong body.

Throughout school I would see the girls and wish my body would develop like theirs.  I've dated lots of girls and have always been envious of them. Sexually I've had to picture myself as one of them.

I've also never really been alone - have gone from one long term relationship to the next. I'm currently married and haven't come out to her - or anyone - yet.

I'm the only son with three sisters and I KNOW this would destroy my dad. He's old school Italian and would never accept this.

I just had my 30th birthday and time is flying by. I feel the longer I wait, the more I'll regret it.

The other problem is I'm extremely masculine looking - wide shoulders, big chin and carrying lots of extra weight - so I'm not sure how well I could even transition. But I really want to.

I just disovered this site and I see that many people face the same dilemmas as me - and I'm really looking for friendship, support and advice.

Well, that was a mouthful.

Quote from: gabriella on October 26, 2006, 05:19:41 PM
I can't believe I'm doing this - but here it goes.

Since I was a little boy I had the realization that I wanted to be a girl - but not in a girly sense. I've always loved sports, played football and other sports. But even though I enjoy watching and playing those things - I know I am in the wrong body.

Throughout school I would see the girls and wish my body would develop like theirs.  I've dated lots of girls and have always been envious of them. Sexually I've had to picture myself as one of them.

I've also never really been alone - have gone from one long term relationship to the next. I'm currently married and haven't come out to her - or anyone - yet.

I'm the only son with three sisters and I KNOW this would destroy my dad. He's old school Italian and would never accept this.

I just had my 30th birthday and time is flying by. I feel the longer I wait, the more I'll regret it.

The other problem is I'm extremely masculine looking - wide shoulders, big chin and carrying lots of extra weight - so I'm not sure how well I could even transition. But I really want to.

I just disovered this site and I see that many people face the same dilemmas as me - and I'm really looking for friendship, support and advice.

Well, that was a mouthful.

Hello gabriella.

I can't believe that you did that either   From what you have written it seems like you are going to fit in just nicely.  You have already recognized that you share many of the issues that many have/are experiencing, so one thing is for sure and that's you can relax and enjoy your stay.  And as far as friendship, support and advice well we're full of it, if you get my drift.

Explore the site, poke around, kick the tires and check under the hood as I think that you will find lots to do here.  Take part where you can and don't be afraid to ask questions.  Remember there is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid answers.

Chat later

Steph

:waveshello

Thank you for the intro.  I like the name, MOF I almost went with that name when I transitioned. 

Instead of looking at transition and what may hold you back, look into seeing a therapist that specialises on gender issues.  Be honest and see where it goes.  I have run into gals who thought they were CD but ended up going FT and vice versa.

Welcome to Susan's, I hope that you enjoy your stay.

LIT

Hello Grabriella and welcome to Susan's indeed!

Thanks so much for your introduction.  I am sure you will love it here, for this is a wonderful site where you will find support, caring, and understanding.  Please feel free to explore all the forums, get familiar with the site rules and visit the wiki and reference library which contain plenty of valuable information.  We will be looking forward to your future posts.  Pleased to meet you and enjoy your stay!


tinkerbell

Quote from: gabriella on October 26, 2006, 05:19:41 PM
I can't believe I'm doing this...

LOL, get used to saying that. It becomes something of a personal mantra after awhile, for all of us, at ANY and every point along this path.

QuoteI'm currently married and haven't come out to her - or anyone - yet.

How do you think she would react? Have there been any clues she may have picked up on?

And hey... psssst.. you just came out to US

Thank you for the honour

QuoteI'm the only son with three sisters and I KNOW this would destroy my dad. He's old school Italian and would never accept this.

If you look around the forum at coming out stories, the one thing you learn is you just cannot predict people. People who seem unaccepting are sometimes fine with it, and sometimes people who like to TALK all noble and open-minded run and hide when faced with a real situation. And many of the people who initially react in horror eventually learn to accept it once the shock wears off.

QuoteI just had my 30th birthday and time is flying by. I feel the longer I wait, the more I'll regret it.

Awl, <hugs>

You're not alone in this. I think we all kick ourselves a bit for not tackling this sooner, and yet... I dunno, I think things have to "ripen" first. The mind is smarter than it lets on... and presents this only when we're ready to begin the adventure, methinks.

QuoteThe other problem is I'm extremely masculine looking - wide shoulders, big chin and carrying lots of extra weight - so I'm not sure how well I could even transition. But I really want to.

At 6'2", I can relate... and yet, I've seen many larger and masculine-looking TSs who are both passable and happy. There's more to it than just physical attributes... a certain contentedness and peace with oneself, being "you" at last, often does more than HRT and surgery can do. Fat can even be an advantage, as it rounds your features and contours - which is often rather feminine. STILL, while passing makes life easier, it's not necessarily the point in the end... we all want and need to be true to ourselves regardless, or it'll always be tugging at our heart, our soul.

QuoteI just disovered this site and I see that many people face the same dilemmas as me - and I'm really looking for friendship, support and advice.

Welcome and enjoy!

Kate

Hi Gabriella...Welcome to Susan's!

It is scary the first time you tell anyone...even anonymous folks online.  Still, there is nothing to worry about if you don't post a picture or give out information that can identify you...you can hang out, talk, learn and enjoy.  So relax, take a deep breath, and jump right in.

You may want to consider talking to a therapist regarding your gender concerns.  They can help you explore your feelings and how to talk about this with your wife if you so decide.

If you have any questions, post them.  Folks around here have been through a lot of things and are willing to help where they can.

Welcome.........Laurie

Sweetie!  a story told 1,000 times huh?
LaurieO mentioned a therapist, that may not be a bad move.  If you read enough you'll see some posts and info, as all of us have found out despite expecting the worst (they always seem to dig deeper and find worst) the reaction of family and loved ones is so hard to imagine or forecast or to try and project to say ya he'll recat this way or she'll react that way?  Preparing for the worst is the best plan cause like i said the slosest people are either confused or devistated and say mean things and dish back worser words and actions!  People have been beat up and assaulted for cryin out loud!  My mom is in a permanent state of utter denial, as i've gotten older actually I have learned that she'll just not accept but this so in my good natured linran actions i  waste no time when mad or upset in saying transgendered real fast like 900 times until she leaves the room! hehe........

G,

You've just stumbled onto what I feel is the best internet support groups for what you are experiencing.  I am a member of a couple others. But none have such a welcoming feeling and genuine people to reach out.

Take care my friend.  Read and post.  You'll get to know us very quickly.

Cindi

Hi Gabriella,

    Welcome to susans with a big *hug*  hope that you stick around enjoy yourself  and poke your nose into everything

From the diversity of women I've met though the jobs I've had masculin traits aren't really a setback I've met many GG who would give the best Line backers a run for their money.

Rei

Thank you all so much for the kind words - it really means alot.

I've come so close to telling my wife many times. I have said stuff like, "I think I'd make a good looking woman" or "If I was a woman, I'd do..." But we both end up just laughing it off.

I will definitely take things slow - first thing is to get to the gym and start losing the extra pounds. Then find some sort of solution to my hairwolf problem.

I've only tried dressing a few times - once when I was younger (almost got caught - make up is hard to get off) and couple times as an adult. But not being too skilled, it just left me feeling depressed that the clothes didn't fit me like a woman. So when I get the courage up (and some of the pounds off) I would like to try again.

Again, thank you all for your support. I plan on being a fixture here. And I apologize in advance for all the questions I'll be asking as I progress


Thanks

Gabriella

Quote from: gabriella on October 27, 2006, 07:07:50 AM
And I apologize in advance for all the questions I'll be asking as I progress

Don't be a silly ninny...This is exactly the place to ask questions.  OK, you may get some strange responses if you start asking detailed questions about the radio frequencies generated by the mating of domestic genetically-enhanced cockroaches versus the international varieities...but chances are, somebody on here will know exactly what you are talking about and have an answer for you  (I know, kinda sad isn't it??)

So feel free to ask as many questions as you like.  The forum would dry up and fall by the wayside if nobody asked questions.

......Laurie

LaurieO this is my question why did all the techno companies move to Texas, is the heat good for microprocessors or something?  I spent time in san angelo do you know where this is?  It was okay, sort of out in the middle of nowhere though!  Dallas as stated i did not like (i do not like most cities anyway even Pittsburgh), Austin was cool, Wako was not, Ft Hood was not!  I was quickly in and out of Houston!
r

Ricki,

The main reason a lot of companies (not just the Tech stuff) moved to Texas is simple.  No State Income Tax.

I agree, Austin (well, the whole Hill Country Area) is my favorite city in Texas, but you can't make a living there as you have to compete with the college kids who work dirt cheap.

Yes, I know where San Angelo is.  My aunt and uncle used to live in Eldorado (about 30 miles) away, and the caverns in San Angelo (Sonora Caverns) have some of the most beautiful and intricate formations I have ever seen.


Sorry for swiping your Intro thread Gabriella...but sometimes it happens as you have seen...I now return you to your regularly scheduled "Welcome Gabriella" theme and hope you look forward to her comments as much as I do.

Hugs sweetie......Laurie

Yes sorry Gabriella
What is your update how is or are things going?  do you feel any differently after coming onto the site reading and chatting some?
R

Hello and Welcome, Gabriella!  (ah, what a lovely name!)

You'll find many things that relate to your situation on this site, I suspect, and I hope they will help you in your continuing journey.  I know it's very very tempting to come out to the people that you love but take it from someone who didn't do it right (and paid the price) - do a lot of research and preparation before you come out to anyone, and especially your wife.  Our WIKI and the links section (Main Page) have large bunches of info about coming out and how other people have done it.  Please make sure you at least read them through before you say anything.

I'm pleased that you found us and I hope I'll be reading many more posts from you in the future.  I'm again very happy to say,

WELCOME ! ! 
helen

Welcome to Susans gabriella.  I started transitioning a year ago at 28, so we are pretty close to the same age.  I'm currently living fulltime as a woman.  When I came out to my spouse, she took it rather well, but things happened and unfortunately, I'm going through a divorce.  But honestly, I'd rather be a single woman than be in a bad relationship.  I just can't wait until the divorce is finally done is all.

Melissa

Hello there Gabriella,

I'm ten years older and face many of the same challenges you do. I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion this is the best T site I've seen on the internet, but not because of the wiki or the content, although those are very good. It's the people here that make Susan's a wonderful place to hang out. They care and they support you in even dark moments.

Here we can all be ourselves.

Welcome and please enjoy your time here at Susan's.

*hugs*

Genevieve