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do you , like , talk?

Started by confused, May 16, 2010, 08:10:23 PM

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tekla

True that, I assure you my major professor spend most of 8 years convincing me (or trying to at least) that I couldn't do either.

I've always found the interview spectrum to be interesting, and when you realize it, and what it is, it explains a lot about popular culture.  (and this has a lot to do with what we're talking about here).  To wit:

Who's the worst interview?  Across the board its got to be musicians, rock stars in particular.  Who the ->-bleeped-<- even understands what Dylan/Petty/Ozzy are saying?  Is there really a language in all the mumbled stuff?  First you have the problem that music can only be talked about in a tangential manner - you know writing about music is like dancing about architecture.  Added to that you tend to have a dynamic going on where the people who do this interviews (rock/music journalists) are little more than fawning sycophants with a bitter streak and they can't write, and so the people who can't write are interviewing people who can't talk - and all this largely for the benefit of people who can't really read.  Yikes!

Writers can be interesting, in a very boring way.  Monty Python had writers being interviewed down to a T. This is my theory...  They may or may not be good at conversation - Norman Mailer, Arthur Miller, Tom Wolfe, Hunter S. Thompson,  yes, J.D. Salinger and Pynchon, not so much.  But, the problem is they always end up referencing the book, and almost reading from it.  But suffice it to say that putting words on the page does not always equal putting them into a conversation.  And they tend to be - because its the job - solitary and reclusive a bit, and that almost always shows.

So, who's great?  Well, who is our celebrity/Star system built around?  Yes, actors.  Not because they are don't also suffer from severe interpersonal problems (far from it) but because not only are they trained in using words, they are trained in lying to tell you exactly what they think you want to hear (and they are good at it, so they hit that target).  They are no better at dealing with other people in a social situation, worse perhaps, but what they did was create a persona to deal with it for them.  And the good ones create very good persona. So they thrive.

And that's kind a a social coping technique.  I have a kind of 'Kat' out and about persona.  Its a bit projection, a bit acting, and a bit invention, but in some ways it takes the part of 'me' that is scared out of the equation, and allows them to observe as kind of a third person deal.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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FairyGirl

somehow Kat I get the impression you're never at a loss for words, written OR spoken lol ;)
Girls rule, boys drool.
If I keep a green bough in my heart, then the singing bird will come.
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tekla

No doubt, and as a result I had to work on just the opposite, which is keeping still and listening.  Writing I love, and as I said that's a different deal - it's not imposing like a conversation, you can just skip it (and many of today's smart people choose to do exactly that) and go to the next post, but in a conversation that kind of stuff gets old, and you have to let other people have a turn too.  But  I've worked at it to the point (and I continue to) where I can go most of a 16 hour day and not say more than 50 words.  It's a kind of discipline.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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Stella Blue

If I am comfortable with who I am around, I love talking and socializing. Most of the time though, especially if I am with people I do not know too well, I keep to myself and become pretty shy. I suppose it is probably off putting to people but it is hard for me to get past my social anxieties.

I imagine I come off as awkward sometimes even though maybe I am being too hard on myself and alot of it is in my head. Either way I'm trying to work on it!!  :embarrassed:
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FairyGirl

Quote from: tekla on May 18, 2010, 11:17:40 AMyou can just skip it (and many of today's smart people choose to do exactly that) ...

I've worked at it to the point (and I continue to) where I can go most of a 16 hour day and not say more than 50 words.  It's a kind of discipline.

I agree ;)
Girls rule, boys drool.
If I keep a green bough in my heart, then the singing bird will come.
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Katelyn-W

The thing I find hard to understand is how different my social "ability" can be when compared to one on one situations and in groups. I do so well when it comes to only speaking to one person, doesn't matter if I've never met them before (I actually find that easier sometimes). I've been getting better at talking in groups, but I'm still mystified on why I can talk to one person so easy. I've actually been complimented on how well I spoke in interview like settings, but at the same time questioned about my "quietness" in groups. I think I might be the "actor" in what tekla listed, I wouldn't say I'm necessarily lying, but your last line sounds right (in the end of my post). I hide the scared/nervous part of me and portray myself as confident and social. I'm not really sure I fully understand it myself :laugh:, because somehow it starts to fall apart in a group setting. Maybe I just get overwhelmed in groups, but I feel like I can put "on a face" and again not lie, but somehow not being completely me. Once I feel comfortable with people I tend to relax though, as it starts to come naturally. Anyways it's interesting to say the least :P

I have a kind of 'Kat' out and about persona.  Its a bit projection, a bit acting, and a bit invention, but in some ways it takes the part of 'me' that is scared out of the equation, and allows them to observe as kind of a third person deal.
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Silver

I was like that for a good amount of time, but I learned some social skills with some practice and the help of friendly people with common interests.
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confused

Quote from: Katelyn-W on May 18, 2010, 12:43:56 PM
I think I might be the "actor" in what tekla listed, I wouldn't say I'm necessarily lying, but your last line sounds right (in the end of my post). I hide the scared/nervous part of me and portray myself as confident and social. I'm not really sure I fully understand it myself :laugh:, because somehow it starts to fall apart in a group setting..[/i]
moi aussi , this has been my way for a long time , and that what works in one-0-one . i can't say that i'm good at it but it works as to be able to 'be' around people without feeling too anxious or isolated or ,............
in the other hand nothing works around 'too much people' (which is for me more than three ) even if only one of them who i'm supposed to have a conversation with


i agree that for some , talking in forums is a lot easier for a whole bunch of reasons , one thing is in forums you don't have to say anything unless you do want to or have something to say , not to mention that it's easier to be yourself with no worries whatsoever ,and of course the time element
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