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Some advice for my first "outing"?

Started by Papillon, May 21, 2010, 07:53:45 AM

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Papillon

Well, cynthialee, you pass TOTALLY in your avatar pic!  So there!

And LOL Greg, I do indeed live in Brighton and the place is awash with the whole rainbow spectrum of sexual orientations and gender identities.  This is great in that I don't feel bad about looking slightly unusual, but, yes, I will be automatically assumed to be a lesbian!  *sigh* Bring on the T!
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M.Grimm

Cynthia, in your avatar pic you look completely womanly.

Papillon, I'm going through some similar things. I've never had a mainstream look. I wouldn't pass even if my hair were simple, shorter and a realistic color, and if I removed my (unisex) earrings. My compromise is to be a little duller/ordinary in my clothing for now since it'll take a bit of time until my feminine hips become masculine ones. It's going to take top surgery and a lot of T before I can pass, I'm not one of the lucky guys who can bind and be convincing.

This early part is just the awkward stage. It will pass, I just tell myself a year from now I'll be able to dress however I like and wear my hair in whatever way I want, and not have to worry about it. It's clinging to that future that makes it easier to get through the early stages.
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cynthialee

Why thank you ...
Papillon have you started working with a gender therapist?
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
Sun Tsu 'The art of War'
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Papillon

M.Grimm, yup. That is a very useful way of viewing it.  I guess we can put up with most things if we know they will pass.

cynthialee, not yet.  This will be my next step.  I understand that it can be very useful, particularly when a person has got themselves tangled into a bit of a knot, like me!
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sneakersjay

Quote from: cynthialee on May 21, 2010, 11:03:16 AM
oh Jay you are too nice. I only pass at a distance.

Your av looks like my sister.  So to me you look like a girl.


Jay


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elvistears

Papillon: get the Tintin quiff!!! That is one of my favourite haircuts. My shrink is obsessed with Tintin, so I did my hair like him just for the appointment.  Now he really thinks I'm crazy.
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Greg

Quote from: elvistears on May 21, 2010, 07:14:19 PM
Papillon: get the Tintin quiff!!! That is one of my favourite haircuts. My shrink is obsessed with Tintin, so I did my hair like him just for the appointment.  Now he really thinks I'm crazy.

This is a slippery slope mate, next you'll be taking a little white dog to the appointment.
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kyril

For early passing, "ordinary" is likely to be the way to go. I didn't get to see your pics, but I get the impression that your customary style is very much out-of-the-ordinary. And while that's really great - I love unique people, even if I'm not outwardly one myself - bright colours and bold styles encourage people to pay close attention to your appearance. And early-transition trans men don't benefit from that sort of attention.

The most passable pre-T guys I've seen have all been quite conservative - natural hair colour or in some cases slightly darker, a medium-length traditional haircut, well-fitted clothes in classic styles. The details vary but the consistent theme is blending in with guys of your perceived age group (which is likely to be about a decade younger than your real age group) in your particular region, religious/racial/ethnic group, and sexual orientation.

The thing is that people are accustomed to seeing non-mainstream-looking short-haired, masculine women. They have a mental template for "butch lesbian," "babydyke," "punk/riot grrl," etc etc. They don't, however, have a template that fits very ordinary-looking short-haired women in men's clothes. It's true that if they do read you as female they'll likely think you're a lesbian. But it's less likely to happen if your style and wardrobe aren't by themselves sending "lesbian" (or other non-mainstream-female) signals. If your style says "I'm just an ordinary guy", then your body alone has to do all the work of betraying you.


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elvistears

I wish Greg! I am planning to get a dog after I finish uni, so Snowy might be an option.  Plus some yellow socks!
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Papillon

elvistears, I am so getting the Tintin quiff.  It is still pretty much a standard issue gay boy's cut around here, so that suits me fine.

kyril, yup, that makes good sense.  It wont be easy as I have never had a "mainstream" look, and I think it might feel quite artificial, but I think I can try to tone down my look for the early period, even if it is just losing the bright red hair.

So I have gone out and chosen some pretty bland male clothes that fit, disgusie much of my female shape and are tolerable to me stylewise.  I will get my hair cut before my first outing and will tell you how it goes.

Thanks all for the help.  It has been very reassuring.
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