Okay - Steph has told me I can't post this because I would be swearing.  But to heck with it, this is just too funny.  If I get my hands slapped so be it......

   
BEST SCOTTISH SHORT JOKE...

A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

"Excuse me Miss, day ye hiv any books on suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says,

"->-bleeped-<- off, ye'll ney bring it back!"

Gill

rofl!

Dennis