About 3 years ago I ordered some antiandrogens off the internet, spironolactone, and self medicated for a little bit. I know this was the wrong thing to do, but I felt desperate and no one was willing to help me. Then, my dad found the pills from my hiding spot and took them from me. He said he would give me some so I could come off gradually, but forgot, and I was too ashamed to ask.

Anyway this has left me with libido and erectile problems, which are starting to cause problems in the relationship with my girlfriend. I'm presuming that the antiandrogens have ballsed up my testosterone levels because at 20 I can't really grow a beard. I was considering going to the doctors, but if i got something to correct my testosterone levels it would kill me inside to take them, which leaves me in a dilema.

You are going to have to go to the doctor one way or the other.  The question you have to ask yourself is should you begin HRT towards becoming female (as it seems you are pretty determined to do so since you self medicated), or get your testosterone levels corrected. 

If not getting your T levels corrected would cause problems with your girlfriend, why would you enter into such a relationship in the first place where you knew less T would cause problems when it is your desire to be on HRT?


This is also why it absolutely cannot be stressed enough that one does not self medicate.

It sounds like you really need to weight up your options as it really should be all or nothing. Obviously that's only something you can ultimately decide but.. If you have any questions that are bugging you about the thoughts of transitioning then ask away...

Well I got into the relationship before I truly understood the feelings, plus you can't really control falling in love. My plan isn't to transition, or it isn't to right now. I'm happy just ignoring it. Do you think my libido problems will improve if the doctor gives me something? Would there even be something the doctor could do?

Most likely the doctor will perform a blood test to determine where your hormone levels currently are.  From those results he/she will determine the best course of treatment for you.  You will need to be absolutely honest and let him/her know how you got in this position in the first place, that you self medicated for a while (also inform them of what medicine and the dosage you took and for how long).  If you hold information back, then the course of treatment recommended may not accurately address the problem.