So there I was, at 44, in a 15 year marriage to a woman who loved me, but was no longer "in love" with me. She knew about my female side since our second date, but had never been able to embrace that part of me.
I was not living in my authentic self and I was pretty miserable. We were both casting about for a way to end our marriage or find a way to fix it, but neither of us was willing to just call it quits.
We had both heard of polyamory (multiple loves) and finally decided to open up our marriage to other partners. She found someone first, and got serious pretty fast about him. That left me sitting there wondering what I was to do - middle aged and married trans-identified guy, pudgy and living in a strange denial state with who I was really inside. Wow, what a catch!
But I decided that if I was going to go looking for another partner, I was going to find someone who would see -me- all of me, and hopefully embrace all that I felt I was. It's my understanding and belief that finding a bio-girl who was into someone like me was a real long shot, but I made up my mind and went for a jog and sent an intention out into the universe.
A week later, I put up a profile on a poly dating site and listed that I was into "gender play" not expecting for much...but two days later in comes this message from a girl in my area saying "Hi neighbor!" and offering discussion. So I sent her a reply and we started talking back and forth a bit for about 3 weeks and I held nothing back. We eventually met for dinner (with my wife in tow) and then we began dating.
She was amazing...she was into me, boy and girl sides...and my life began to change. I told old friends that I had known for years about my female side. With her encouragement, I started dressing and feeling some of the "integration" of inside and outside that I had so longed for. We tried for a poly family, but that is such a hard thing to pull off and eventually my wife and I found a way to end things peacefully and without anger. It took 2 years to change my life from one of living denial to living more authentically. It was hard, painful, terrifying at times...and because I finally had someone supportive at my side I was able to do it.
That Lady and I are now just married. I cannot believe my fortune. I am able to live my life externally as I have felt inside with a partner who embraces all that I am. I am still new and growing into my authentic self. Things just keep getting better and better. It's like I won the lottery...
