Quote from: kyril on June 07, 2010, 10:42:53 PM
Ah...I never experienced crying as a way of getting emotions out. It's just a humiliating involuntary physical overreaction, and it makes me feel worse.

I have always felt this way, too. Felt ashamed whenever I did it because I couldn't control it. But my therapist helped me to look at it a different way. With his help, I was starting to experience crying as a healthy form of release, and then T shut off most of my ability to cry. However, when I do cry now, it actually makes me feel better, usually.

Sometimes I wish I'd found this guy a lot earlier in my life, but I don't suppose I would have gotten as much out of therapy if I had.

I like crying, I feel it's great release and I don't understand people who hate it.

Feels good man.

Quote from: Heartwood on June 08, 2010, 02:32:13 AM
I like crying, I feel it's great release and I don't understand people who hate it.

Feels good man.

Knocking myself in the face with a hammer feels better than crying. It would give me less of a headache, too.

Btw, I love Symphony of Science, too.

Quote from: Heartwood on June 08, 2010, 02:32:13 AM
I like crying, I feel it's great release and I don't understand people who hate it.

I grew up in a conservative military family, and my mother had...well, issues. My brother and I were strongly discouraged from displaying any kind of strong emotion, particularly those emotions that are often considered negative. So I guess that set an early pattern for me. But you must know that (in American culture, at least) crying is seen as weakness. There's a negative cultural bias against crying. Once you internalize that, heaven help you.

I suspect that a lot of trans men have strong negative feelings about crying because they see it as feminine.

Crying, to me, has never really helped me feel better about things. It usually gets in the way. The only thing that makes me feel better is fixing the problem.

That said, I've been able to cry since being on T. It's not as much anymore, but I'm able to.

Gosh, would I love to put an end to my crying.

Quote from: Heartwood on June 08, 2010, 02:32:13 AM
I like crying, I feel it's great release and I don't understand people who hate it.

I'd have to be the complete opposite.  For me it's not a release, it's an embarrassment.  I cry in response to anger, frustration, epic music, sad and happy scenes in movies, etc.  Crying when I'm angry or frustrated is especially bad, because how can you effectively tell someone off or work through a problem with a face full of tears and a frog in your throat?  How degrading is it to burst into tears at school or work (on a regular basis) when you don't understand something or do something wrong?  And then you get the people who want to sympathize and get all emotional with you, and all you want to say is "I am not sad; I do not want sympathy.  This is happening against my will and it makes me angry, now kindly go away until it stops."  I hate it. 

I'd do a happy dance if I was suddenly unable to cry.  I'll add that to my list of pros for going on T...

Quote from: Farm Boy on June 08, 2010, 05:22:10 AM
For me it's not a release, it's an embarrassment.  I cry in response to anger, frustration, epic music, sad and happy scenes in movies, etc.  Crying when I'm angry or frustrated is especially bad, because how can you effectively tell someone off or work through a problem with a face full of tears and a frog in your throat?  How degrading is it to burst into tears at school or work (on a regular basis) when you don't understand something or do something wrong?  And then you get the people who want to sympathize and get all emotional with you, and all you want to say is "I am not sad; I do not want sympathy.  This is happening against my will and it makes me angry, now kindly go away until it stops."  I hate it. 

This. Times 1000.
Also, it gives me a headache.

Quote from: kyril on June 08, 2010, 10:38:54 AM
Also, it gives me a headache.

I used to think I was the only one! I actually said something like this to an acquaintance--that crying makes me feel worse and I tend to get a nasty headache afterward, to boot--and she actually looked at me strangely and said, "Then you're not doing it right." She was not kidding.

I guess, like transition, there is only one right way to cry.

I get a headache, I get all red faced and my eyes itch....and the problem I was crying over in the first place has most likely not been solved while I was crying about it, so I don't get the appeal or the point

Well, I have to admit, I don't like crying when I'm doing it in front of someone, out of control.

But when I'm alone, it's a great release.

I'm not a cryer.  I hate when it happens.  It also gives me a headache too.

Crying usually leads to me punching myself in the head repeatedly. I get so embarrassed.

Quote from: elvistears on June 12, 2010, 09:51:05 PM
Crying usually leads to me punching myself in the head repeatedly. I get so embarrassed.

About the crying or the punching??

It takes alot to get me to cry anyway, and I tend to lean towards anger as it is; I fear it'd just get worse if I went on T. When I DO manage to cry, I end up getting pretty low for about a day afterwards.

For many anger changes on T, not as enduring and for me as well as others, the anger actually seems to leave and a calmness pervades. Don't believe all the 'roid rage or anger from T articles you read.

Quote from: LordKAT on June 13, 2010, 12:10:00 PMDon't believe all the 'roid rage or anger from T articles you read.

My temper flares more quickly. I'm much more impatient. But I sure as heck don't have 'roid rage. And I'm actually FURIOUS that someone would suggest it as a possibility...want to hurt them...want to kill them...want to....

Okay, sorry, only the first three sentences are true.

Quote from: LordKAT on June 13, 2010, 12:10:00 PM
For many anger changes on T, not as enduring and for me as well as others, the anger actually seems to leave and a calmness pervades. Don't believe all the 'roid rage or anger from T articles you read.

Gotchya. I think what I meant by 'get worse' was more along the lines of how teenagers are a little volatile, like I was at one stage, and I was concerned I'd end up back there again. xD But yes, it is nice to know that it's not necessarily the case that people get rage-y. Thanks for the info.

As much as I didn't like crying at the drop of the hate, I'm getting frustrated that my empathy that I had before seems somewhat more muted. I used to bawl at the site of the Humane Society ads or when watching Bambi. Today, I could watch those with no effect. It feels frustrating that I cannot express sorrow like I used to. And I wonder if it's that frustration that leads to anger in some.

For me, if anything, my fuse got longer. I do get frustrated like I used to but I don't lash out like I used to.

The one T change that I didn't expect was the craving for salt (which, in turn, results in a craving for meat). Chocolate cravings used to be my norm but now, those sweets and junk foods that I used to crave are no longer there. I have to make an effort to not eat meat (being vegeterian/vegan -- trying to get back to vegan again) but the cravings sometimes are greater than I expected (largely towards fish but that might be more cultural than anything).

I never craved salt and still don't. Good thing since I can't have it. I have found cravings for protein and eaten large jar of peanut butter in a few days along with about a pound of cheese a day. I started on protein shakes again and that went away.

BTW Ruben, I read the letter from my therapist to my endo. She warned the endo to start on a low dose due to anger issues, i.e. a fight or 3 or 4..., anyway, the endo did not follow that advice and my anger has ever since been under control.

Quote from: LordKAT on June 13, 2010, 05:03:10 PMBTW Ruben, I read the letter from my therapist to my endo. She warned the endo to start on a low dose due to anger issues, i.e. a fight or 3 or 4..., anyway, the endo did not follow that advice and my anger has ever since been under control.

This is so cool! I think a lot of people, even professionals, don't fully realize how many of our pre-transition problems can be ameliorated or even solved with transition. I guess it's best to be cautious, but still...

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Post Merge: June 13, 2010, 05:23:51 PM

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Okay, here's a strange one. I was checking my sunscreen for streaks today and looking very closely in the mirror because I didn't have my glasses on. I suddenly realized that my eyelashes are much longer and seem a bit thicker. I expected thicker eyebrows, but not longer lashes.