why are my topic titles always so lame? lol anyways...

well, i'm finally done with highschool...and in the fall i'll be going to college. i'm trying to get an apartment (i don't/can't live in dorms and i need to get out of this house). i have a few problems/questions.

-i'm nervous i won't be able to afford an apartment on my own since i'll be at college. i won't be able to have a full time job will i?

-theres a lbgt support group in the city my college will be in. are these helpful? what do you do in them? should i try it out?

-and the biggest issue....being out in college. what is the best thing? before would be my best choice....but i dont know if ill have 'time' (which is where the apartment comes in..if i could get one before college, then it'd be a lot easier. but if not...i can't be out here so i don't think i'd work) i wouldn't want to wait till after either...i mean, 4 more years as a girl? ughh....no thanks. and part way through? i guess....but it'd just be awkward...going in one year as a 'girl' and next as a dude? just wondering if anyone has any advice/experience with this, i think i need a little help with this.

ideally...i'd get an apartment over this summer, move in before college...and be able to start transitioning and go to college as a male. (though this is another problem since i'd be registered as my birthname/gender, etc. :/) but then...what would i do, change into 'female' mode to see my parents and relatives? god its so difficult.


though, i havent been accepted in that school yet. its close to where i am now, and close to everyone i know and my family, and has that support group. this seems great, but if i really think about it...maybe i should go to the other school (which i've already actually been accepted to) which is about 45 mins-1 hour away. maybe i'd have an excuse to not see my parents and family as much (which sucks...but if they aint gonna support who i am, then i wont be able to see them)

that is just the gist of it...i mean, i should just be excited about college and thinking about making friends and having my own apartment and such..but instead i'm freaking out and in his horrible situation trying to hide my 'secret' while at the same time trying to find out how i can be my real self in college.

the best first step would be to get an apartment...then it wouldnt be as hard. but thats not really the easiest thing ever. (though my father said he wants to maybe get an apartment with me...so i could try to get one with him this summer before college. but i'm really scared about coming out to him if i ever did...i'm not sure he'd except me. but thats another conversation)

anyways...sorry for long conversation...but help?

Congratulations on going to college!

Students who get apartments while attending school full-time pay for them through loans. Also, most have roomates or it can be super expensive. It's impossible to pay rent while working the typical part time, low wage jobs that students work. Your focus is getting good grades and working your ass off now so that when you graduate, you can get a good paying job and pay off the debt you accumulated from going away to college. Of course this depends on your current financial status, if your parents are helping out and how much money you will have to borrow, etc.

I'm not sure why location has anything to do with you transitioning, you can't hide this from your family forever. Choosing a college should be based on how well you think it will prepare you for your career, and trust me, an hour away from home is not far!

But never ever let your need for independence interfere with your schoolwork or you will just end up back at home anyways. Maybe it's a better idea to live at home for now or in a dorm so it wont kill you financially.

thanks, and thanks for reading

and yeah...i definitely understand what you mean. and the roommate thing would be cool, but that and the whole staying at home thing would only work if i didnt transition at all..but i dont think i will be able to do that. i'm already doing little things that are risky and i shouldnt be doing, but i cant help it, i cant stand this body at all.

and i definitely just want to focus on school and classes and everthing, but i cant focus on anything at all cause all i can think of and am reminded of every day is this body i'm in, it bothers me too much. if i get past all this, and atleast able to live as a male, then i will definitely be a little more relaxed and can focus on all that. but thats just the problem in the first place.

does either college have GLBT or coed dorms?

I don't see why having roommates or just a roommate to split rent with will impede your transition.  My college roommate was very supportive of it.  Most kids at most colleges are very open-minded when it comes to GLBT stuff.  In my opinion it's the best and easiest time to transition.

i'm not sure evan. but the dorms are all filled anyways, and id rather not live on campus.

and devin, it wouldn't really if they were supportive, but still. i've actually been looking on craigslist a bit for apartments and some actually list as gay or gay and trans friendly so that is an idea.

i guess i'm just kinda afraid that people won't like me if they know i'm trans and/or will try to hurt me or something. and especially that i'll never get any friends, mostly because i've got like all guy friends and i like other guys as friends, not really girls. i don't know, i guess i just worry a lot. i mean, i'm just thinking the worst, like if they hurt me or wreck my car in the parking lot or something like that cause i'm trans.

and like, just say its the first day. do i go all out and bind and wear male clothes and try to pull it off? or try to seem kind of androgynous or what...i'm just not sure of how to approach this with college in the way.

Housing:

If cost is an issue, look into loans and student grants or financial aid. But i know plenty of college students who work full time (in fact, one of my friends has TWO jobs.) You could also consider only going to college part time - take a few classes at a time, save some money that way and still have time to work.

I don't blame you for wanting to get your own place. I'm looking into that too because frankly, i can't live with my parents anymore even if i'm saving money by not having to pay rent. Even without the trans-issue we're butting heads left and right and it's just way too stressful (not to mention i likely won't ever be able to get serious about my transition while living with them because they, as of yet, have not said wether or not they support it - my thought is they will not).

If you plan on rooming with someone, then you would more than likely have to tell them that you are trans - living in close quarters almost guarantees that this sort of "secret" will not stay so for long. It's better to know someones feelings prior to signing a lease with them then having it spring up later on and have them be angry, upset, etc with the situation (not to mention you want to be COMFORTABLE in your own home, and hiding this sort of thing is not going to make that possible.)

As for your folks... if they aren't going to support you, then how you present to them or how often you visit them is YOUR call. Period. If they can't handle seeing you as "male" then you might want to cut ties until they CAN. That's what i'm going to have to do, since my parents aren't as open (though they did say they wouldn't totally kick me out or cut me off.) You shouldn't have to dress up for them or hide yourself.

Passing/College:

It totally depends on what you're comfortable with. Do you pass easily as a male? Are you comfortable with your name (either male/female, or is it andro?) Are you comfortable with your appearance/voice? Are you comfortable trying to do group or partner work as a male? If not, then you can always go totally andro - if you're uncomfortable then people will know and they may find it awkward. You may as well.

Personally, i don't care who knows. I go by "justin" all the time now (except at home) and last semester i emailed each of my profs prior to class to let them know - they used my male name from day one and i had NO problems (and i don't pass full time.) As for the whole "enrolled as female with female name"... so? Have the prof use your male name from day one, no one will know WHAT you are registered as - they don't display it. I've been passing as male in my classes for a full semester now.

I wouldn't worry about people "liking" you or not because of this. They either do or don't. There are plenty of people out there to be friends with. If they judge you because you're trans then they aren't good friends anyway and you probably wouldn't want to associate with people like that. You certainly don't have to tell anyone (it is your choice) but if you plan on transitioning while being friends with them.... they will have to be told because hey, you'll be going from female/andro to totally male. Not something they'll turn a blind eye to.

Wether you want to risk possible violence or teasing... again, your call. I just know i would rather go in as who i'm comfortable as (wether that be as female OR male, which for me is MALE) than hide who i am because a few people MIGHT not like it. It's certainly easier to start transitioning when people DON'T personally know you and when you'll be moving around a lot, as opposed to when you get a job some place and work with the same people and in the same area for years.

I guess you could also consider when you're planning to do name change and gender marker change. But it al boils down to you. People who you live with or are close to will almost have to know - no way around that. People you share classes with or see every so often, don't have to know.

Hey we disscussed that topic this week on youtube.com/user/gladtobeteenslgbt


you should watch us ^_^

Going to college was the best experience for me. Everyone I have told has been accepting, and most just say "oh. Okay" And call me he forever after that. The age group at college is the most accepting of LGBT because they're past high school bull->-bleeped-<- but before mature adults.

I went to college expecting to make no friends and just breeze through it until I could get T. But it actually surprised me, I made friends within the first week, and started passing full time in my second semester, part time in my first.

As for costs and living arrangements, apartments with a room mate going to the same college as you is a good idea, already mentioned. As I said most people college age accept the LGBT community already so coming out and living every day with your roommate will be easy.

FolkFanatic basically covered everything else. Good luck at college, it's the most fun of your life until retirement! XD Cheers!

I just finished up my first year of community college, I came out to my highschool the last 6 months of my senior year. I was full time before I started college last fall. I was stealth but I also didn't have to worry about apartment/dorm. I want to transfer either this spring or next fall to a 4 year college in the city. But I will already be over a year on T and hopefully had top surgery by then.

I personally wouldn't get involved with an LGBT group because A. I am not really into groups and B. I don't really identify as trans. But that is up to you.

I don't think that rushing it will be any less detrimental to your transition than coming out partial way through school. Do it when you can/are ready. People are a lot more accepting than you would think, especially in college.

I'm fixing to go back to college...and I'm going as male.  Where I'm going is really really conservative.  So I'm hoping the professors will be understanding and call me by my male name (I'm planning on emailing them before the semester starts).

College is a good time to come out I reckon. I did two years of art school as a girl, came back the next year and announced I'm a guy, treat me as such.  It's been up and down I guess.  I think I'm a novelty to most people, or they just think I'm doing another crazy art student thing, which I'm not.  Some people actually think it's an art project...pretty serious art project.  I had some issues with my tutor calling me Ellie, but now I get long pause...Eli.

I hadn't quite told everyone, just made a lot of statements and hoped it would get around.  On  the last day of semester I got very drunk and now everyone knows.  I think I got my friend Sam to grab my junk.  Whooooooops.

I go to a fairly liberal college in a conservative area. I am out for the most part, except in classes (I've seen some good tips in this thread to solve that issue), but even the people I've become friends with in class know. I'm going to live in an on-campus apartment with girls, I'm out to the ones in my unit. I've had a really good acceptance rate. I find that people of college-age are more accepting than other (older) people. I have heard that some colleges have gender-blind housing or an LGBT friendly building/floor/etc. you could look into that. unfortunately my college doesn't.

I don't know if your college has one, but my college has an LGBT resource center. The people there have good ideas of ways to adjust. They do referrals to other services on campus, they have a resource library, and they know all things LGBT on campus. My college also has student LGBT groups. there is a general social group, an activist group, one for lgbt people of color, and one particularly aimed for trans/genderqueer students. my college has about 25,000 students and i know of at least three transmen, and two transwomen. these are all ideas to find out if your college offers anything of the like.

I can't give you much advice on college finances as I've had a lot of help with that from my parents.  The advice I can give is:  You will need a room mate, You can have a full time job but you'll probably regret it, I don't think you need to find a specifically gay/trans friendly apartment that will cut down your options  A LOT.  Mostly because not many apartments specifically would bother to list themselves as gay/trans friendly.

As far as being out/trans at college I've had no problems with that whatsoever.  I lived in the dorms my freshman year with a female room mate as a lesbian I hadn't quite sorted things out yet [I've seen/talked to her since and she didn't seem at all weirded by the fact she roomed with a ->-bleeped-<-.]  I moved out into an apartment the next year with my 2 close friends.  Got binders ect. and started setting up to transition.  This past summer I came out as trans to the world when I started hormones [going by male names/pronouns. I had top surgery about 6 months before doing all this, but all my friends ect knew I had had surgery.]  Its now been a year.  Next year I'm a super senior.  Thats 3 years of college as F[ish the last year I was M to my best friend who I lived with so it was a bit different...] then 1 so far as M.  None of my re-occuring professors gave me any problems.  None of my classmates have given me any problems in fact most of them think its pretty cool [then again I'm a theatre major]  I have now officially had all my university ect. changed to Male and in my male name.