I mentioned this incident on another thread, but I don't think I told the whole story. One of the men in my gay men's discussion group held a party this spring. There were seven of us. When we were well into lunch, someone brought up transsexuality. Two of the men (one was the host) were quite knowledgeable and said some nice things about a trans guy who works at the local LGBT center. They were busy educating the other men about trans issues and did a pretty decent job. I didn't say much of anything because I was caught off guard and felt terribly self-conscious.
Later, four of the men went home. I was in the living room with the two guys who had said such nice things. The topic came up again, and my host told me, "You know, we think so-and-so, who used to come to the meetings, might be trans." Then he and the other guy proceeded to dissect the young man's appearance, behavior, and contributions to the group. I've seen this kid, but I didn't give him a second thought.
Bear in mind that this is a gay men's group. So they felt that the young guy was a little feminine (so are a lot of gay men), had talked about going out to bars with a crew of female friends back in his home town (maybe they were dykes and he didn't know any gay men in his area), and didn't seem to have much experience living as a gay man (well, he was fresh out of college!!). Apparently this kid has no visible Adam's apple (I suddenly felt self-conscious about my own throat), he has "child-bearing hips" (I had never noticed, and I was glad my hips aren't very noticeable), and narrow shoulders. Of this last characteristic, one of my friends noted with a chuckle, "Of course, so do I."
The whole irony is that one of the older gentlemen in the larger discussion group is openly misogynistic, anti-lesbian, and transphobic, yet he took the young trans-appearing fellow under his wing and became his mentor for a few months. So my friends thought it would be very odd indeed if the young man turned out to be trans!
I mostly just nodded and listened. I kept wondering if they had clocked me and were trying to give me a chance to come out to them (the last few months of hanging around with them have convinced me otherwise). Eventually another topic came up, but I felt like I had just stepped into the Twilight Zone.
For the record, I haven't seen the young would-be trans man since this conversation, and I'm curious. But I really don't think he is "one of us."