The hitting thing drives me completely nuts. I've seen a disgusting amount of girls slapping and hitting and generally blatantly abusing their boyfriends but heaven forbid if they so much as give them a shoulder shove back, it turns the boyfriend into the insta-super-villain of the situation.

Gender equality should work both ways.

Quote from: Jeatyn on June 08, 2010, 05:09:54 AM
The hitting thing drives me completely nuts. I've seen a disgusting amount of girls slapping and hitting and generally blatantly abusing their boyfriends but heaven forbid if they so much as give them a shoulder shove back, it turns the boyfriend into the insta-super-villain of the situation.

Gender equality should work both ways.

And when you say this to people they label you as a women beater. I hate it.

I agree with Jeatyn: Gender equality should work both ways.

I don't mind a guy holding a door for me at all, as long as he doesn't mind me holding it for him 

The hitting girls part I have a problem with tho... not in theory, 'cause self defense i'm totally ok with... just when a girl hits me I really can't hit back. My body just won't let me. I'll just take it or walk away...

Guess I'm just programmed or s'thing...? Or maybe it's because I know my strength and don't wanna end up in jail or with a law suit.. 

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Post Merge: June 08, 2010, 06:20:25 PM

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Just thought of something that happened to me last week at work, curious to know what you guys think:
My former manager warned me about getting coffee for my current manager, cause apparently he might read it as a "submissive female" act..

T o t a l l y   w e i r d !!!!

You see to me, coffee is a warm black drink that keeps me awake, and I like to drink it during meetings, so whenever I meet with ppl I bring them a cup along with my own..

I really don't see anything submissive in being nice to others and don't distinguish between peers, managers, or the cable guy when I pour them a cup.

Anyway... am I naive or was I right in telling my former manager that his warning is totally sexist, and that he should get unstuck from his 1950's attitude?

Quote from: Jeatyn on June 08, 2010, 05:09:54 AM
The hitting thing drives me completely nuts. I've seen a disgusting amount of girls slapping and hitting and generally blatantly abusing their boyfriends but heaven forbid if they so much as give them a shoulder shove back, it turns the boyfriend into the insta-super-villain of the situation.

Gender equality should work both ways.

The thing is, physically, cisguys and girls at least, are not equal. I know, because when I was still a "girl" and I had an abusive partner I could hit him til the cows came home and although I left some nasty bruises, he was never scared of me.  He was in control. When he held me down so I couldn't move and threatened to beat the living sh*t out of me, it was terrifying. I actually couldn't move. He wasn't a big guy, but that just drove the point home that he was physically stronger than me.  It was horrible.

It's just that 90% of the time, girls hitting guys are not in the same catagory as guys hitting girls.  I am not denying that there are abusive women out there.  However, the victims of physical abusive, and other types of domestic abuse are largely women.

If you're a decent man and yr girlfriend starts slapping and hitting you for no good reason, the right thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation.  Say you're not going to engage in that kinda stuff.  A guy's minor smack can really hurt a girl. You don't know your own strength.

I also think people choose to ignore the reasons girls might hit guys.  It usually comes from a place of helplessness and desperation rather than power.  What I've seen at least.  And I've seen a lot. 

Quote from: Amy on June 08, 2010, 04:58:07 PM
And when you say this to people they label you as a women beater. I hate it.

Huh?    If a girl hits her boyfriend, he should leave. If a guy hits his girlfriend, she should leave. What is so hard to understand?
For some unknown reason you're giving the impression that guys have to put up with a girl hitting him. No way! So if a guy starts hitting back he is a woman beater.

I think holding doors open and giving up a seat is a kind gesture. No one should expect it, but it's a kind thing to do. 

Holding doors for people is just polite, I don't see a gender deal in it as much anymore as simple common courtesy.

I don't really mind people holding doors open for me; I consider it an act of kindness. Unless they say "ladies first", in which case I turn a bit childish. I stand outside the door and tell them to go first, most of the time they won't, but I refuse to budge an inch until they go through the door. It'd be funny if I wasn't insulted. 

And I'm not even going to get into the whole "I don't hit girls" thing. It's just ridiculous.

Quote from: tekla on June 08, 2010, 11:08:08 PM
Holding doors for people is just polite, I don't see a gender deal in it as much anymore as simple common courtesy.

Absolutely, it is common courtesy and it should not be a gender deal, but sometimes its nice if your on the receiving end, only yesterday I hailed a cab, the cab driver actually got out of his cab to hold the door for me, I thanked him as my hands where busy with bags, he just replyed ''no problem, he always held doors open for ladies, just the way he was reared'' I thought it was really nice and super sweet, I guess he was just Being a Gentleman.
p

*Nods* Indeed, Vexing!
And in the NL, a true lady does the same. ^_^

As for hitting back: I've had an abusive childhood. As a 'male.' From that, I've learnt only one thing: If you intend to hurt me, I'll hurt you a hell of a lot more. Mind that this is after years and years. I think that if a weaker person willingly attacks a stronger person, then Darwin awards should be handed out, don't you agree? If a stronger person is the aggressor, then of course the weaker person must be protected. If the stronger person is the defender, then I think the idiot who started the attack will just have to reap what they sow.
There are other ways of solving a dispute than violence. Violence is only a last resort action, and only then in a situation where you have to defend yourself from physical harm.

Yes, I have, in my past, knocked out some women, as a born male. But if I get attacked, I will defend myself.

I'm sorry, but I too feel very strongly about concerns like this. At age 26, over a decade of my life has been nothing but violence.

And now I'll just shut up, because I'm starting to tear and tremble. Sorry if I was a bit too strong about this.

i wont associate with a male who goes all Victorian era on me. if i hit you, i expect you to hit me back..because then we got an excuse to WRASSLE YALL...



maybe that's just cuz im a redneck though.

I am also of the opinion that gender shouldn't matter in matter such as opening the door for someone. I'm gonna go off on a bit of a tangent here though.

I've noticed a lot of my older male teachers tend to concentrate more on their pretty female students, even to the point of sometimes outright flirting with them and outright ignoring male students. I wonder sometimes, are they just being polite and acting the way they were raised to (as in guys don't need help, while girls need all the help they can get)? Or do they actually think that if they keep trying they will get in these girls' pants? Either way it's disgusting behavior for a teacher.

Quote from: Hauser on June 15, 2010, 07:47:58 PM
i wont associate with a male who goes all Victorian era on me. if i hit you, i expect you to hit me back..because then we got an excuse to WRASSLE YALL...

maybe that's just cuz im a redneck though.

Me too!  Redneck, born and raised.  One of my guy friends and I like to spar with lightsabers, wooden poles, broomsticks, etc. and I was getting annoyed because at first he wouldn't hit me back, just barely tap me.  Kept giving me the "I don't hit girls" line.  Well, I got him to change that up after I gave him a bloody lip.

Note- I'm not a violent person, but if I'm messing around play fighting I expect to have some fun with it and not be treated like a 2 year old or the heirloom gravy boat, because that's just not any fun at all.

Quote from: Coppélia on June 16, 2010, 01:38:55 AM
I am also of the opinion that gender shouldn't matter in matter such as opening the door for someone. I'm gonna go off on a bit of a tangent here though.

I've noticed a lot of my older male teachers tend to concentrate more on their pretty female students, even to the point of sometimes outright flirting with them and outright ignoring male students. I wonder sometimes, are they just being polite and acting the way they were raised to (as in guys don't need help, while girls need all the help they can get)? Or do they actually think that if they keep trying they will get in these girls' pants? Either way it's disgusting behavior for a teacher.

It is totally inappropriate and should be reported to the Principal. I teach at University level in Australia and anyone demonstrating that sort of behaviour would be out damn quick, and should be as well IMO.

Cindy

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 15, 2010, 06:38:00 PM
A true gentleman holds the door open for other gentlemen as well, not just ladies.

I agree with that quote, absolutely, common courtesy, not a gender thing, cab driver said it, just a nice moment, he even offered to carry my bags, as my Mother use to say, its nice to be nice, common courtesy costs nothing.
p

Quote from: Nathan. on June 05, 2010, 12:52:08 PM
It does where I live.

It's how it happens here too. And it's how I behave aswell. You do it for anyone.

Quote from: elvistears on June 08, 2010, 06:58:42 PM
The thing is, physically, cisguys and girls at least, are not equal. I know, because when I was still a "girl" and I had an abusive partner I could hit him til the cows came home and although I left some nasty bruises, he was never scared of me.  He was in control. When he held me down so I couldn't move and threatened to beat the living sh*t out of me, it was terrifying. I actually couldn't move. He wasn't a big guy, but that just drove the point home that he was physically stronger than me.  It was horrible.

It's just that 90% of the time, girls hitting guys are not in the same catagory as guys hitting girls.  I am not denying that there are abusive women out there.  However, the victims of physical abusive, and other types of domestic abuse are largely women.

If you're a decent man and yr girlfriend starts slapping and hitting you for no good reason, the right thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation.  Say you're not going to engage in that kinda stuff.  A guy's minor smack can really hurt a girl. You don't know your own strength.

I also think people choose to ignore the reasons girls might hit guys.  It usually comes from a place of helplessness and desperation rather than power.  What I've seen at least.  And I've seen a lot.

Amen.

I think we'd all like to believe that both sexes are equal in strength, but the amount of testosterone running in their bodies plays a huge part. A cisgender woman doesn't have the same muscle density, even if the guy doesn't work out.

It depends on the situation, but in most cases you should flee a physical fight no matter who you're facing.

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 17, 2010, 12:45:22 AM
Nor does a transgender woman who has been on hormones for a couple of years.

Yep.

I once saw this girl coming down the hall in high school, so I grabbed the door and held it open for her. As she came through she bumped into me, hissed 'watch where you're going!' and strut off in a huff. Is that twisted or what?! haha I always liked those traditional 'boy' rules of being a gentleman, mostly because they feel like something that sets us apart you know? I suppose, though, it would be right for everyone to be polite to everyone else. I feel a little bit like being a 'gentleman' to women is ours.

Yikes. Next time I'll let ya get the door yourself, if you really want to o.o

Being polite is about being polite. If anyone is using  good manners to score 'sexual points' they are no longer good manners, they are just blatant sexism and not welcome by any respectful person. Possibly James-Allen you have found a really good technique for alienating girls. Sad that.


Cindy