I'm 98% sure I want to go on T, but then there's that 2% of doubts.  From what I've heard from others, still having some doubts is pretty normal.  So I was wondering, for those who are on T, what thoughts went through your mind when you took your first shot?

Before I saw the nurse for the shot, I was mainly aware that I was at another turning point in my life. I was nervous as hell because I was hugely worried that they wouldn't give me the shot after all. I kept thinking that if they refused me, it was all over and I might as well jump off a cliff or something. I couldn't see any reason to live if I had to do it as a female. Rather dramatic, I must say.

I wasn't sure that I would stay on T, but I knew that starting was absolutely the right thing to do. By the time I got that far, I had no doubts whatsoever.

When I was in the waiting room(I have my doctor give me the shot), I was nervous something might go wrong. When I actually got the shot I was thinking about someone. The interesting thing about getting my shots is that I get a bit of an adrenaline rush and then everything just feels right.

I got the gel, so there was about a 2 minute debate in my head from the time I got the script to getting it filled.  If you had no doubts, that, I think, would be unusual.

As sure as we are about transitioning, there is something about actually taking that leap from pre-T to T.

Jay

It was scary, but exciting, I was positive that I wanted to start T but at the same time its like any big decision, you still have a little doubt. It was new years eve when I did my first shot and before I did it my girlfriend and I literally laid in bed together and talked about everything we were afraid of. 5 and a half months later I have no regrets, its the best decision I've ever made.

I gave myself my first shot in the comfort of my living room.  I was basically thinking 'all right here goes nothing!'  Grabbed the top of my leg and injected it on in.  Then I proceeded to make a post on here and a youtube video a few hours later.  I was quite proud of myself for having the courage to take that step.  I suppose I still am. 

I didn't have doubts but I had been planning this for quite some time. I worried I wouldn't be able to get it but soon as I got the script, I gave a shot. NP

I was very excited about it... until I saw the needle and thought "Goddamn! I'm gonna have to do this for the rest of my life!"

It's still worth it, however, as I could not imagine going back to the way I was.

For me...all I could think about was "This is it, life starts for me now."  I was more excited than nervous.  The only thing that i was worried about was when I would tell my parents...

I had the doubts too. I think it's just because it's such a massive and permanent decision.
I remember when the doctor was preparing the shot, I was so excited that everything was a blur. I was shaking because I was so excited. I didn't even feel the needle go in because of all the adrenaline running through my system.
I couldn't really believe that I was on T for the next few days.

"HOLY F- SH*T, MY HANDS ARE SHAKING, I'M IN A COLD SWEAT AND I HOPE I DON'T HIT MY VEINS BY ACCIDENT OR SOMETHING BUT OH WELL, I WANT THE TTTTTTTT IN MY BODY"

I was literally shaking, sweating, and scared. I'd never shot myself with anything with a needle before. I don't have a needle phobia at all...infact I love needles. But I figured I'd spend all night worrying over if I'd hit a vein or artery or bone or something and just took a deep breath and did it. I was fine. I had no doubts about starting T.

I wasn't afraid of it hurting. But it didn't hurt a bit, cause I had so much adrenaline in my body. The first and second shot didn't really hurt, but the shot I just did this past thursday hurt the worst. Probably cause I'm used to it now and I don't get the adrenaline reaction. I'm just like ok, shot time, let's do this so I can get a surge of T and want to hump everything in sight and eat and sweat and work out. I'm hyper. Can you tell? Esp after a shot.

Quote from: Arch on June 15, 2010, 08:33:36 PM
I kept thinking that if they refused me, it was all over and I might as well jump off a cliff or something. I couldn't see any reason to live if I had to do it as a female. Rather dramatic, I must say.

You're not alone!  I tend to jump to the worst case scenario, too, lol.  I woke up today and, for whatever reason that I can't quite place, I was thinking about my ex boyfriend trying to rape me.  Yeah, I don't have a clue where that came from.  0.o

I started with the Gel.
I bought it, put the box in my bedroom drawer, and then went back to the drawer every 5-15 minutes to make sure it was still there (or something of the sort) over the course of the next couple days before I could apply it.
Then the day I applied it, it was like a ritual almost, that's how much it meant to me.

The shot on the other hand, when I got the first one, I went to a nurse and was talked through it.
I was vibrating the whole morning before the shot. A mixture of excitement and "oh my gods it's gonna hurt!".

Both times I "knew" this was the right thing to do, that I would never truly regret it. That it was an integral step in the process of becoming more "me".
'Course, I still feared potential negative side-effects, physical or societal.
If I ever regretted it, it would be because of something like that.
The fear is rational, realistic even. Let's face it, even best case scenario, our lives are not made for the weak of heart nor will. But at the end of the day, this is what I needed to do.
So...
<3

Similar to JoshB, one of the things I kept thinking was, 'my life is starting now'.

I felt like I was finally being *born*, weird as it sounds. As far as fears go, I was kind of dreading acne and baldness; the acne I knew would happen (I've always been acne prone to start with) so it was less of an 'oh no this might happen' and more of a '->-bleeped-<-, this is going to happen, gonna have to suck it up and deal'. Baldness is less likely but still possible, and something I'm still crossing my fingers to not have happen. I also was thinking, 'dangit, if my ass gets super uber hairy I'm going to have to wax it...' Not looking forward to waxing, but see it as the lesser of the two evils, as I'm not fond of the concept of looking like I'm wearing pants even when I'm naked.

Oh. And cancer. Knowing I won't be able to afford having my innards gutted surgically any time soon, I was/am worried about developing baddies up in my reproductive system. But I figure hey... I'd rather have lived and gotten cancer then never pushed through, secondly if I did begin to develop obvious precancerous cells, I'd probably have an excuse to have things removed under medical coverage, so, thumbs up either way.

It wasn't a question of 'will I go through with this or not', more like 'I HAVE TO DO THIS, am doing it no matter what, so how much will the repercussions suck?'

Quote from: Cairus on June 17, 2010, 02:20:49 AMI also was thinking, 'dangit, if my ass gets super uber hairy I'm going to have to wax it...' Not looking forward to waxing, but see it as the lesser of the two evils, as I'm not fond of the concept of looking like I'm wearing pants even when I'm naked.

I was thinking about this the last time I ripped a dot-style Band-aid off the injection site on my hairy ass...forget waxing; duct tape is cheap and ought to work just fine.

QuoteNot looking forward to waxing, but see it as the lesser of the two evils, as I'm not fond of the concept of looking like I'm wearing pants even when I'm naked.

Quoteforget waxing; duct tape is cheap and ought to work just fine.

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."  - Mae West

Or masking tape, but I figure every guy will have duct tape in the house.

LordKAT, does this mean I should try waxing??? Naw, I like having a fuzzy butt. It makes me more like my cat.