I've been a quite unwell lately, and i go into hospital soon. Honestly, i hate it, and i don't want to go. I feel so.... It's a women's hospital, in regards to womens health and stuff, and i don't feel like i  belong their. I need to use my old name and talk continuously to docs, I've already gone to a few appointments where they strip you naked and make you turn around.... I asked the nurses if they could call me 'Nat' or 'Nathan' and they said no. And they're completely not trans* friendly. I don't like the doc doing my surgery for this reason and i told th nurse i'm having issues with it, and she turns around and goes "well i just checked and you are a woman". I felt worse than alienated... I spoke to my therapist about this and she said i had to go to the op, i guess i kinda do, i mean.. yeah. BUT seriously, i feel guilty being there, i just feel like i don't belong anywhere, and i had a few scarey thoughts come up and apparently I've become quite self- deprecating. But everyone i've tried to talk to about it has made it so much worse.
I'm sharing this because it's my biggest problem, and i don't know who to try and talk to anymore. I'm hopeing someone here can remind me of something.. but i forgot what. So that maybe i can get through this stuff relatively ok. Has anyone else had hospital problems like such?

I obviously don't know where you or this hospital is. But I can say, that the way those nurses are treating you is unprofessional and unacceptable.

It is not the place of any nurse to impose their values onto anyone.

Go in and be confident in who you are. If you can, keep a note of anything that happens, especially those involved, dates, times, anyone else in the area. Take a notepad with you and some pencils.

If they do treat you in a way that you find unacceptable, I will personally help you to make an official complaint to the regulatory body for American Nurses.

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/482270

I am a member of some American Nurse's Associations. I can't make any complaints on your behalf, but I can certainly advise you and contact them on your behalf.

Such behaviour is unacceptable. You must realise this and act in a mature manner.

I can only offer my sympathy. That sucks.

I'm not in America. I'm an Aussy.

When I had my hysto I had just started T (1 month) and was not yet out, and all documentation was in my F name with F gender markers.  But I knew it was temporary.  I went to the hospital sans packer (just in case someone had to go through my stuff!).  When I arrived on the floor where I spent the night, I found out it was the maternity floor.  Bleh.  But the nurses were nice, asked if I wanted to be called *birthname*  (No, I go by Jay).  It was a non-issue.  I wasn't at the point I was asking for pronouns, and I wasn't even out to my hysto doc.

Yeah, it sucks. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get better.

Hope you feel better soon!


Jay

I'd personally tell them to stuff their surgery where the sun don't shine and find another doctor to do it. You don't HAVE to do anything if it makes you uncomfortable. I would be miserable that entire time. And I know I don't belong in a woman's anything...I'm not a woman. So I'd refuse. But that's me. I'm stubborn.

I had one hospitalization and wasn't really treated properly because the doctor said I was masculine (physically I'm not masculine at all). I was pretty much kicked out of the hospital after basic tests (as opposed to looking for the answer to a major problem) and made me take the bill.

I would really hate being in your shoes...what surgery is it, and could you go elsewhere? I know that for a lot of people it's a matter of sacrificing your psychological well being for a less expensive option or something...just have to either keep going on or find another doctor.

Sorry you have to go through this sweetie, I hope everything works out for for you. Just remember who you are and no one can take that away from you.

*hugs*

I offer you my sympathy too Nat. Seeing your therapist advises you to go ahead with surgery, just try and endure it as well as you can, then it will be all over soon.
These nurses are being inconsiderate by not calling you by your preferred name. Maybe you can try again and ask them that this surgery has put you under a lot of stress, and being called Nat would put you at ease. Or ask for a letter from your therapist to kindly ask them to refrain from using your female name.
Hugs to you and I hope all goes well with surgery. 

I agree with Zombiesarepeaceful. Tell the pack of sh*teaters to go <not allowed> themselves. Not only do you not have to stand for that bullsh*t, you can sue their silly asses for it. There must be another surgeon you can get. Don't put up with stupidity. Crush it.

I have two ovarian cysts for which I have regular scans and pelvic probes. I'm deep into transition, and I pass completely for male.  Nurses and doctors can get confused all they like, but set them straight, calmly and firmly. And make it so that they remember their paychecks come from your business. Invite and encourage their questions if they're up to it, but don't back down.


edited for language

Last edit: Sorry for the foul mouth.

Quote from: Nat on June 16, 2010, 09:04:16 AM
I'm not in America. I'm an Aussy.

This is totally unacceptable and illegal in Australia. You may be being treated for 'women's issues' but your gender has to be respected and there is Federal Law to do so. Every Australian hospital has a patient advocate. If it is a very small country hospital it may not and the governing 'major' hospital cover for it. Go and see them. You can 'demand' to see them put your complaint in writing in plain English and identify people by name and number (if they have employee numbers) the Doctor and nurses, and ANYONE else who is being abusive to you. This is blatant sexual discrimination and is intolerable. I'm in Adelaide, South Australia and work in a major hospital, feel free to pm me if I can be of help. I am very annoyed by the contents of this post and I am very willing to kick major bums in regards to it.

As an Australian we have the democratic right to be fairly treated no matter our race, gender or religion. To do so otherwise is an offense punishable both under the law and by individual treaty. In plain English that means you can sue the c**p out of the hospital, as the employer of the people who have broken the law. You need records and a log of what happened, so start to keep one. Ask Doctors and Nurses to write down their comments ( as you don't understand what they mean and if possible to initial their comment ). BTW Medics have to do this if requested, so INSIST, it is your right. OK you will not be popular but so what .

Cindy

I'm going back in for some more pre-op stuff again soon, so i'll stand up for myself.. but i'm worried that if i make them hate me too much they won't do the right thing for me?  

I need to have the op and this certain hospital is the only one that does it unless i can afford to get high private health cover and wait AGAIN. I'm really tired of the whole process.

I keep thinking that maybe i don't need to do it, but several docs have said the EXACT same thing.. so i guess they can't ALL be wrong, in the same way. They say it would be worse not to do anything.

I already hate hospitals, and refuse to go unless completely necessary, and all of this is just making it worse. And talking to someone didn't help as they basically traumatized me with the worst facts ever -Thanks!

But seriously, thanks to everyone for commenting and letting me know i'm not the only having to go through this womens hospital crap. My next appointment i plan to stand better. =] I'll let you know how it goes.

p.s. Honestly i'm fearing that this will be an ongoing process and that it will never end.. however i plan to push through as long as i can.

These people are a**holes.

I hope you can keep reminding yourself that, yes, you are a boy but with the wrong parts. We at Susan's all know it--wish one of us could go with you. Do you have a friend or ally who can accompany you and act as moral support?

Hang in there, buddy.

Quote from: Nat on June 16, 2010, 09:04:16 AM
I'm not in America. I'm an Aussy.

Really sorry. Fortunately you are an Aussy. Most Aussys I know are pretty good sports. (Or Sheliaghs  )

But as Cindy says, keep notes and records. Write then down as soon as you can. Then they are more admissable in court. There are very small voice recorders available. The admissability of these in courst is questionable, to say the least. But the existance of an audio recording can, at least, emphasise the tone of voice.

But don't lose control. Just remember, you have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of.

They do, in both cases. So, keep your cool and take notes. Then, make a decent complaint.

And do tell us how well you get on.

only once did someone refer to me as "Nathan" (i was happy), but then she went over to the doc and referred to me all wrong again. :@ I had my GF come with me the last couple of times I had to go in for little pre-op things like samples, pokes and scans, she was good support but she can't come through the door to where the chaos starts. My weird ops are very early in July so I'll share how that goes.. I feel bad with myself for not complaining a lot last time but I've become so tired and fed up with no one learning. I keep notes in my Personal "diary". (>.>)

The doc stopped my hormone treatment until later, and i don't know whats going on now.... I'm quite upset, but he did give me a valid reason. He thinks I'm broken, and I'm praying so hard that I'll be great after the op and i won't have to go through all of this for the rest of my life. I'm sick of all the nice women in the waiting room giving me weird looks and refusing to talk to me.. but i guess it's weird to see a guy there. (Well I hope that's what's they see! )

Again, sympathies. Nice women? The don't sound like nice women.

I'm 100% with CindyJames.

There is no way on earth I'd stand for that crap... and the fact we're in the same country has me worried to be perfectly honest.

If all else fails just close your eyes, remember who you are, and pretend you're somewhere else.

You'll never have to talk to these idiots again once your op is over. Just smile and nod at them.

Keep thinking about the end point. You can get home, and be well.

go to a non-womens only hospital perhaps?

seems a bit odd.

Quote from: GnomeKid on June 26, 2010, 12:01:57 PM
go to a non-womens only hospital perhaps?

seems a bit odd.

One of the strange things in Australia, and I think it might hold true for most countries, is there are Children's Hospitals, Woman's and Children's hospitals. Woman's Hospitals and General hospitals. Never heard of a Men's Hospital. Anyone heard of one?

Cindy

Quote from: CindyJames on June 27, 2010, 02:20:27 AM
One of the strange things in Australia, and I think it might hold true for most countries, is there are Children's Hospitals, Woman's and Children's hospitals. Woman's Hospitals and General hospitals. Never heard of a Men's Hospital. Anyone heard of one?

Cindy

Men don't get anything because people are all too concerned that we already have everything. We are undeserving.