Usually I try to look forward to things, but this time its not helping Im hopefully ordering a binder on Monday, getting my haircut on Tuesday again, plus buying some new shoes that Ive wanted for a while too. Im even seeing my psychologist the day after, which is all really awesome and usually makes me feel really good, but I dunno, this time its different and I dont really care  Ive written some pretty detailed note for my psychologist, basically saying I dont like my chest and really dont want to go back to that school as a girl. It mentions a bit about Testosterone and how I feel towards it all. Do you reckon he will maybe take it and think hard about giving me hormones or something! Ahh

But I feel really upset, and I dont know why. Ive been passing lately so that side of things isnt really the problem. Today this old man sat next to me in the shop, and jokingly mentioned that I was "chatting up my girlfriend" when he saw me playing around with my phone. I smiled but inside even that comment didnt make me feel super great

I guess I feel like Im also losing the only friends that know the real me The only friends that call me "Harlee" and use correct pronouns. Theres around 8 of them and they all live an hour or so away. We talk every night on msn. But I dunno, its starting to drop, I havent seen them in a month or so. One girl in particular that I really like has really changed and we just dont talk the same anymore The holidays have finally come, and I have 3 weeks of freedom!  So Im hoping to spend time but still.  I dont want to die and I wouldnt kill myself, but I dont really see the point in living 

I wish I had a driving license so bad! 

I think everyone has those kind of moments where good things don't really seem to matter anymore since you don't really feel they'll change anything. Just writing about it like you did with this thread can help and although it's hard; hey there are those good things coming along. Other stuff will take more time and being open and honest with you psychologist can really only help you in the long run.

Just hang in there, things will go up, some things will go down and like you showed with this thread: you can deal with them.

I am having that kind of moments too at the moment. I don't even pass, but I want to so bad. I want to get out and train, and build muscle, I want facial hair so bad. I want a new binder and a penis, but it's all about money and that's something I don't have. Well, that and the fact I'm still trying to hide it from my parents. I feel so frickin' frustrated it's not even funny now.

Have had these feelings as well.  I've been on T over a year, and out to my friends over 2 years.  I pass as a guy most time out, but I still feel miserable. Binder causes back pain, and I still not got name changed legally, I live on womans floor with a female housemate in an assisted living place.  I'm stuck at home a lot, where I not seen entirely as a guy. 

Not even much money to afford buying bus tickets all time.  Feel transition is going so slow...  am sick of being trapped this way.  Even among my friends, they still slip on pronouns so I don't really feel like seen as a guy there either.  Used to be a connection with them, it feels weak since transition.  They been generally accepting but it does feel different.

Best thing I went to my theripist and spoke to her... though right now even that hasn't helped me much as I don't feel she's grasping it as much as she used to.  The Phyciatrist seemed better to grasp it when spoke to him.   So don't know, best can suggest is talk it out with someone.  But keep going. 

Always hope for the future, everything moves forward, and sometimes it may seem slow, but need just know we least are trying, and we have moved forward some, otherwise we wouldn't be here recognizing the problem and trying work through it.